I’m going home. This thought, “I’m going home, I’m going home”, made me cry the other night as I was getting into bed, tears of thankfulness to God for all his goodness to me, and now I get to “resume” my life in West Virginia.

It is funny, but I almost feel like I have 2 lives, but what it is in reality is “my life”, being lived out wherever I am. I have made friends here in the church and I will miss them. I look forward to coming back to be in ladies’ Bible study, and prayer groups, Wednesday night Bible study, and even going out for lunch with a friend or daughter-in-law, deepening these relationships. I am privileged to see and be a part of the beginnings of a prayer movement (and I am trusting it will become that!) in our church; to me this is so exciting, especially as I am convinced it is the moving of God’s spirit. I have spent time with my sons and daughters-in-law and love them dearly; I cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed I feel (and Randy does, too) at God’s goodness to us through our children. I’ve had hours to give my attention to the three amigos, my current grandchildren (soon to be 4), both in play time and ordinary living time; these are the relationships which will affect the future, so much unspoken and yet-unrealized power and potential. And then there is all God’s provision for every aspect of my life over the past 18 months. God is Sovereign, as our Pastor reminded us today, and he knows what he is doing, even when we don’t and the present hurts.

Now I am coming home…my West Virginia home. When I was back there in April I bought 2 T-shirts with “West Virginia” written on the designs. I guess I am becoming a WV Hillbilly after all! And proud of it, by golly!

I fly home Saturday June 13. I can’t wait to see Randy at the Charleston airport, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me too, so happy to be together again. This is why I married him…to be with him. This year we do get to celebrate together our 36th year of wedded bliss (with all the ups and downs and good and bad of 2 imperfect people who love each other living together), when up until 2 days ago we didn’t expect I’d be home on time. When little things like that happen (and they are little in significance in the warp and woof of life and God’s grand scheme) I always feel like God is looking down smiling as he pulls his surprise for us from behind his back. He does give us the desires of our hearts, both little ones and big ones. He’s so kind and good.

So I only have 2 more weeks to get everything together and still make the most of every hour with my little people, my grandchildren. I have 3 doctor’s appointments this week alone, the most serious being the removal of the port-a-cath from my upper left chest wall. I will be seeing the surgeon in her office on Thursday morning at 11 am (Pacific time, folks, which being interpreted is 3 hours earlier than Eastern-style time) and I agreed to only local anesthetic. No other anesthesia (what was I thinking!). It is a little scary to me but I am asking God to help me relax…and that it won’t hurt much! But the surgeon said it is much easier to remove the port than insert it and I should be able to drive myself home afterwards. So, needless to say, I really appreciate your prayers for me! Pray it really will go quickly and smoothly (she did have some trouble when inserting it; small veins or something) with a minimum of pain and tension (!) on my part.

Last update I asked you to pray for God’s provision for all the travel I will need to do over the next few years going back and forth to CA for follow up visits with the oncologist. Please continue to ask God for that, but I wanted to share that he has already begun to answer for these needs; a friend sent me a certificate which took $200 off my first round trip booking for my next visit to CA! God has provided through friends and family over the past 18 months for other flights and in other areas of need and special gifts and we, amazed at their generosity to us (thank you guys, you and the Father know who you are!) continue to bless the name of the Lord and put our trust in him to continue to provide, through a multitude of means. God is so creative, he never fails to surprise us with the ways in which he accomplishes what he determines to do. When you seek to walk by faith in this great God you never know what to expect next! Oh, except for one thing; we can be sure he will be right there with us.

I will need your prayers for my adjustment to living back in my own home again, doing what every woman is called upon to do to run her household ( and I have a whopper of a house!). I need to be sure to pace myself and not overdo. I am more aware of giving myself permission to take it easy since my heart is not working on all cylinders (that’s for you guys reading this). When the cardiologist refers to my condition (the heart not able to pump the blood at normal rates, 30% compared to twice that percentage) as “heart failure”, yes, it does give me pause…the words “heart” and “failure” in the same phrase tends to do that to one. The oncologist is confident this will reverse itself (I had a normal echocardiogram in January of 2008 before I went into cancer surgery) and go back to normal but I do not take anything for granted. I ask you to continue to join me in beseeching our Father to heal the problems of my heart. I also have premature heart beats which need to normalize as well.

Another area for which I need your prayers…I have found it hard to concentrate and organize my thoughts. Perhaps this is something which will correct itself as I get off certain meds, I don’t know. But again, I am asking God to help me with it because there are things (hey, most of life) which I am called upon to do which call for the ability to put thoughts into an organized from to make a chain of thoughts, if you will, so I can accomplish what I need to do. Well, I’m not sure that made any sense but God knows what I mean!

One area I haven’t made much of a “dent” in is compiling my various writings into an organized form (the “O” word again, and I’m not talking about Oprah) so I can fill in the gaps and start publishing my “story” and other writings as so many have encouraged me to do. I really need your prayers for this! Thanks again. I anticipate the “flow” of strength and ability in answer to prayer.

One more prayer request, while I have your ear; you know I will take advantage of this forum to seek prayer for others! My son Jeremy, who, by the way, had a safe time in and going to and from Europe a few weeks ago, pulled muscles and ligaments in his back and is in pain and unable to walk without assistance. He went to the ER yesterday and will see his doctor this week. Please pray for his healing, with no long term effects from this injury. Pray he is able to get back to work quickly. I cannot tell you how much it means to be able to share needs with you and know prayer is going up for them. Thank you so much.

The journey continues, ever expanding in potential for ministry to others. May I grab each opportunity and make the most of it, and may the Lord be glorified through me by whatever means.

Jacque

I know you’ve been waiting to hear how my Monday, May 11, appointment went with the oncologist. He reviewed my echocardiogram results and since there was no improvement to my weakened heart, even after a rest of 6 weeks (from infusions of Herceptin) and since the Herceptin is the cause of the weakening of my heart, he decided to completely discontinue the Herceptin. Though the usual course of administration of Herceptin is 12 months, and I have only had 7 months, he feels I’ve had a sufficient amount to give me added protection against recurrence of the breast cancer. I am not trusting in that though. My hope is in the Lord, to whom we all have cried out for healing. I have a lot of confidence in my doctors here. They are some of the best, as are the nurses. I am extremely thankful for them all, and that my treatment could be here. But my hope will always be in God alone.

So what does all this mean? Well, after some tests, the surgical removal of the port-a-cath in my chest (through which the infusions were administered), another visit to the oncologist in 3 weeks, and a raft of other doctor follow-up appointments (right now I count 9 appointments, not including the surgery, in the next 5 weeks!), I will be free to go home! I am waiting to find out the date of the surgery for the port-a-cath removal and hope to make flight arrangements to go home around the latter part of June.
I would appreciate your prayers for this surgery. I will probably have the local and twilight types of anesthesia like a year ago when I had the port-a-cath placed. The difference now is that my heart is weaker and I do not know if that will affect anything. Let’s pray it doesn’t.

Another issue is that for the next 2 years I must be back here for follow-up visits with my oncologist every 3 months. Then for a couple of years it will be every 4 months, then 6 months, and so on. So there will be a lot of flying to and from California. Pray for God’s provision for that.

I realized this morning that I am under more stress than I was aware of. As Randy said recently, I’ve gone through a lot over the past 18 months, from the diagnosis of my breast cancer in December 2007, decisions of where to get treatment, fear of cancer and fear of how I would tolerate treatments because of the MG, changing residences from WV to CA and living in others’ homes, going through 2 surgeries, 2 chemotherapy regimens, losing my hair and slowly gaining it back, radiation and ongoing Herceptin infusions, and everything else medical with it, months of separation from Randy, to the joys of being with children and grandchildren, and even new friends and ministry in the local church. Now I’ve had the brakes put on suddenly and must shift gears to prepare myself for leaving all this to go back and resume my life in West Virginia; it is taking an emotional toll.

When I left the oncologist’s office after learning this was the “wrap” call for my cancer treatment (other than the next several years of follow-up visits and taking a pill for 5 years), I would have “waves” of emotion roll over me; I would think, “I’m going home” and grin and get choked up and teary eyed. Then when I think about leaving my grandchildren for months at a time, I also get choked up! Or I’ve had “bubbles” of emotion rise suddenly to the surface, so to speak, and take me by surprise, notably impatience and vexation, “Whoa! Where’d that come from?”. Well I think God is gently letting me see that I need to recognize this emotional reality and learn to live with it. For me that means pulling back to solitude as much as I can. That is how I am wired. It is good to know these things and I am thankful I have learned that much about myself. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, even when you may not know what I need at any given time; God does know.

So amidst all I have to do between now and the time I actually board a plane for WV, I will attempt to stay aware of my emotional needs and make the necessary adjustments, the allowances needed so that I can stay in a state of equilibrium spiritually, which will mean health physically as well.

I pray I will not get overwhelmed with all that I need to do. My prayer times are often times of crying out to God, thanking him, praising him for his mercy and compassion, his goodness to me. For all the good things and especially the people in my life. Oh how God has poured out his grace and mercy on me! I just want my life to express his strength and joy…that is, that I would live my life as a song of praise to God, full of faith in him, bringing him joy, which in turn is my strength.

Be strong in the Lord. You encourage me. May I in turn encourage you.

Jacque

Time flies when you are having fun and my 5 weeks in West Virginia, in my home and with the love of my life (Randy, in case you don’t know!) just flew by. It was great being with my friends and “Mustard Seeds family” (the staff at Mustard Seeds) and chatting with neighbors and other community members. It was good to be with our friends in our missional community, a home church we attend each week. Basically it was nice to connect again with the people in my life in West Virginia.

Another enjoyable aspect of visiting home again was the beautiful scenery. In springtime flowers, shrubs and trees start blossoming and I got to get in on some of that. It was great! I am a gardener at heart and greatly enjoy growing things, even if it is a concession to the wild plants (weeds) which take over in parts of the yard. Some of them do have their own beauty; our cultivated plants started out the same way. West Virginia is a growing state, at least in the variety and volume of trees, shrubs and flowers!

While home I did keep busy yet I think I paced myself pretty well. I am learning. And with this heart condition (weakened heart due to Herceptin) I am more aware of being careful not to overstress my heart.

So, you are probably wondering how my heart echo test went on May 8, after arriving back in CA. Well, it showed no change; my heart has not improved. Neither has it gotten worse, thank the Lord. The cardiologist has started me on third heart medication. Though I was to see the oncologist on May 8, as well as the cardiologist, that appointment was rescheduled to Monday, May 11. At that time he will review the test results (which he ordered) to determine if we should continue the Herceptin infusions. I have a very strong suspicion he will continue to postpone the Herceptin but I am not familiar with how they routinely deal with this situation. I have been in a holding pattern since March 27 and will continue until I am told otherwise. I am so thankful for the peace and grace of the Lord!

Since being back in my California home, I’ve tried to make the most of my time with the grandchildren, knowing that in a few months I will be going back to West Virginia and will not have this opportunity with them. These months have been a gift to us of being with our children and these little grandchildren, who are growing up before our eyes. I’ve said before that if I didn’t have these families to come to out here in CA while going through treatment for almost a year and a half, it would be very, very difficult to leave Randy and my home in West Virginia. But God has blessed us abundantly!

One of the exciting things going on out here is that God is using me to “kick start” a time of corporate prayer in the church we attend. A small group has met three times, once monthly, and while I was in WV the group that met was the largest to meet to that point. I am currently in contact with a young woman of that group (most are already involved as “Prayer Partners” in the church, ministering through prayer, though on an individual level) and we will be meeting soon to get to know one another better. I will share my vision of seeing the group extend into the greater church body over time, getting God’s people meeting together on a regular basis for corporate prayer.

I firmly believe the church needs to teach and practice praying together. We certainly have scriptural precedent for this. And we read of God’s powerful answers to the church in prayer. My desire is to see this replicated in this local body of believers. I have moved slowly into this, feeling God is behind it. It will be up to the people of this body of believers to carry on the vision when I am no longer here. Pray God opens the way to effectively communicate this vision and for receptivity to it, to the end the body will be built up and God glorified through them in new ways.

So I would appreciate your prayers for me not only for continued healing of all that is wrong in my body (MG, cancer, heart weakness) but for the ministry God has laid on my heart for God’s people here in Colton at Centerpoint Church . And of course, I am still very much engaged in ministry in WV, through responsibilities with Mustard Seeds and prayer for the people we are called to there.

Thank you once again for walking with me and upholding me and Randy in this very long journey!

What do an April snowstorm and a bear in the yard, and cancer and MG have in common? Me! I’ve experienced all of the above, and just recently. It is also reflective of life in general: you never know what may happen next. What an adventure!

Well, to pick up where my last update left off, I saw my oncologist Friday, March 27 and he said the Herceptin was causing the weakening of my heart and withheld the infusion for that day until I have a repeat heart echogram. That will be done May 4 and I will see the oncologist again May 8 for his determination, after seeing the test results, of when I restart the Herceptin. Pray my heart will be strengthened.

I flew home to WV on Saturday, March 28 and by the grace of God, I was able to hop a ride on a motorized cart after scooting out of the airplane upon landing at O’Hare in Chicago, and just caught my connecting flight. (Never again will I allow only 45 minutes between flights in that airport!) My experience up to this point of requesting assistance from gate to gate in airports has been abysmal; I always ended up walking anyway because they never got a wheelchair or other conveyance to me in a timely manner. Thankfully I have been able to walk and make my flights (what of the plight of others not so fortunate?). However, if I had not had that ride in O’Hare, I would have missed my flight. Thanks for all who prayed for me and thanks to God.

So I have been back in wild, wonderful West Virginia for almost two weeks. It is good to be home again. I am queen of my own household once again, with all the attendant responsibilities and I am thankful for the strength I’ve had to carry them out. I attend all the Mustard Seeds meetings as well and have been playing hostess to prospective staff visiting this week . (They are looking over the ministry and meeting and talking with our current staff. We are all praying for God’s leading as to whether they should join the staff of M&M.) I am learning to pace myself as I still tire rapidly and often. But a few minutes’ rest and I am back at it. Today I am staying home and taking it easy.

A few days after arriving home my mother and brother from Michigan arrived and we were able to have 3 days together. This was a blessing to us. I last saw my Mom in CA over Mother’s Day week-end last year. I missed her 80th birthday party in Michigan last September because I was still in CA in the middle of chemotherapy.

Since that time my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and now is in the process of making future plans to move from her home of the last 30+ years. In fact, when they stopped to visit here, she was on her way to the Atlanta area to visit another brother who lined up retirement homes for her to look at as options, along with options of living with one of us children, for her future years. We rejoice in the decisions she was able to make while there and now is in process of packing up (and clearing out) her house to move to Roswell, GA by this coming June. Please pray for her continued grace to do all this. We are also praying for her healing of Alzheimer’s. Won’t you join us in that prayer?

Also pray for my brother, Rob, who lives with her, who finishes up his schooling , faces surgery May 12 and then needs to find a job and get settled. These are all things that weigh on my Mom as well.

While I am at the prayer request phase here, let me update a previous request: Joel N. has been declared cancer free and finishes his last chemo next Monday, April 13. Praise God! Let’s pray he stay that way.

Well, we’ve talked about cancer and touched on MG as part of my life, as I learn to cope appropriately with tiredness. So where do the snow storm and bear come in? Just a few days ago a cold front moved in and it began snowing Tuesday afternoon, through the night and all day Wednesday. What a day! We woke up Wednesday morning to snow on the ground and more coming down, covering our daffodils, yellow forsythia, and apple blossoms. And garbage bags strewn across the yard and huge paw prints…our hungry neighborhood bear. It was in April a few years ago we first had one visit us, after another snow storm. Our garbage this time was littering even our neighbor’s yard and the woods behind! The garbage can sits just outside our back door and our bedroom window. I am very glad he/she wasn’t interested in coming into the house for a visit…. Yes, West Virginia is wild…and wonderful.

Since it will not be necessary for me to be back in CA until May 4 I was able to change my return flight from April 22 to May 1, squeezing in an additional week for my stay at home in WV. It is nice to see everyone around here who is a part of my life in WV. I miss my children and grandchildren, to be sure, but as I emailed one son, I said as I looked at our yard I imagined my oldest grandchild (Lourdes), who talks about coming to visit us, playing in the yard, making a special room under the mulberry tree with its drooping branches, playing with the neighbor children her age, and it makes me smile. I look forward to those days when my grand girls and boys can come play in our big yard and tramp the paths in the woods (with us in tow); city kids experiencing the joys of country living in God’s good world.

By God’s grace, in answer to much earnest prayer, I will see those days. Thanks for being a part of my journey….

Jacque

As I drove away from the doctor’s office yesterday I felt like crying. And I did a little. I had just been to the cardiologist who gave me the results of 3 heart tests I had done two weeks ago. I already knew I have irregular heartbeats and was put on an alpha and beta blocker medication (switched from just a beta blocker), but the tests also showed my heart is weak and functioning at 35 % rather than a much higher percentage. So I was also put on another heart med, an ACE inhibitor. It will take several weeks and even months to regulate the dosages to do what we want them to do at levels I can tolerate. So I felt my throat tighten up and I silently cried out to the Lord as I drove away.

I am thankful to find out the problems going on with my heart. As I said in a previous update, I have had irregular heartbeats off and on for years and no doctor I mentioned it to, when it flared up, seemed to think it serious. Maybe it wasn’t back then. Apparently it is now. My cardiologist said she doesn’t know if the weakening of my heart is related to the chemotherapy I received (there are 2 drugs which I did receive that can cause heart problems). Before my cancer surgery last February I had heart tests done and they came back normal. My current test results are being sent to my oncologist. I see him tomorrow, Friday, March 27, at which time I also have another infusion of Herceptin.

I am not overburdened with this news but I am saddened. A feeling of mild sadness lays on me. I think it is similar to what the psalmist may have felt sometimes when he would say, “How long, Lord?”. I really can’t describe my feelings. I only know how I respond to my feelings, and that is to cry out to God, who hears. Sometimes I don’t even have words; I don’t even know what I am feeling to be able to form words. But that is ok, because he listens to my heart. I don’t need words. He gives me peace. I am praying and asking God to heal me of these conditions, strengthen my heart and regulate the beats.

Today I got good news after I went back to the cardiologist’s office for a test of the electrical impulses of my heart; I passed! The reading on this test was normal. It’s nice to be ‘normal’ in some areas! (We could get into an interesting discussion of what is normal….)

Please pray for me as I continue Heceptin infusions, start on heart medicines and fly to West Virginia on Saturday (28th). This last one is a lot more fun than the others! Pray I make all my connecting flights. I have a tight one in O’Hare airport in Chicago. Thanks again to John and Barbara in Taiwan for using their flight miles to buy my ticket! This is a wonderful gift. Bless you both.

Just to update you on previous prayer requests I made: my son Jeremy had a safe and good time in Denmark last week. He spent several days with people who have very little in the way of Christian influence, if any, in their lives and was able to have conversations about God, etc., and express his faith in normal life situations, like saying he’d prayed about something, or praying for someone’s situation (and God answered!). This is all very strange and unusual to Danes as a whole. The young couple who hosted Jeremy are very open to talking about God. They hope to visit CA in the fall and want to visit the church Jeremy attends because his description of what goes on blew them away. Few there attend church. ‘Church’ to them is for a few old people. Pray for A and M, Jeremy’s Danish hosts, that they will remain open to God’s spirit and come to know Jesus Christ and be his committed followers.

Monica’s eye seems to be improving. Joel N. continues with chemotherapy for cancer. Continue to hold them both up for healing and grace and thank you for praying for them.

A praise: our son Seth, a first year science teacher, completing his master’s degree in education, was spared a ‘pink slip’ from the school district. Many were going to be getting those and lose their jobs due to budget cuts. God protected his job, to the delight, amazement and joy of all of us concerned. This is especially significant in light of the fact that he is now the sole wage earner in the family. Melissa has been able to stay home with Caleb after she was laid off last fall. God is good.

Let me say that again. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Jacque

This was a week of tests. Heart tests. No, not emotional heart tests! The real thing. The thumping organ in our chests heart, without which we cannot live. I had previously mentioned I was having irregular heartbeats and went to the doctor to get checked out. I saw the cardiologist a couple weeks ago and just finished up 3 tests this week she ordered for me. In a couple more weeks I will see her for the test results. She will also send these test results to my oncologist. I am praying that if there are any serious issues they will be found, and then that God will heal them.

Every day I put myself into God’s hands, not primarily because I am suffering from serious diseases and have a desperate need for him, but because I love him and want to live my life for his glory. Why? He bought me back from the stranglehold of sin and death at tremendous cost, the blood of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I do not belong to myself; I belong to God. So that is why I consciously give myself back to him.

I must not come to God just for my needs to be met. That would be self serving. One may initially come that way, to get a desperate need met. Most of us do. God is compassionate and gracious and extends himself to us to meet us where we are. But having been touched by his mercy and grace, we should move beyond only seeking for ourselves to loving and serving the Lord who bought us; we call this spiritual growth. We move from spiritual babyhood to maturity. This takes time, a lifetime.

Times like this “parenthesis” in my life because of physical challenges, and to which we all are subject, can be valuable in our movement in spiritual maturity. In fact, without them we would make little progress forward. Though our tendency is to fear and avoid suffering and difficulties in our lives, these are the very things we need to learn to embrace with joy (yes, that’s what James said!) because we know we can come out better in many ways for it (James 1:2ff; Hebrews 12: 11-13; Romans 5:3ff).

I may not be standing here shouting, “Bring it on!” when it comes to suffering various kinds of trials, yet I am trying to understand and develop a perspective and attitude of trust in my heavenly Father which fosters rest and peace in him whatever comes my way.

Having said that, there is definitely a place and time for seeking the mercies of God for our desperate needs. There are several things on my heart which I want to share with you, of the sufferings and needs of others, so that we can pray together for them. In all our trials we need the encouragement and prayers of each other.

First let me update a previous prayer request. A few weeks ago my daughter-in-law Monica sustained another injury to her right eye, damaging the cornea. Her eye is healing but her vision does get blurry when strained during her work as a nurse. She has been told she will have various problems with her eye for the rest of her life so please pray God heal it completely.

A young man I am deeply concerned for is Joel, the brother of Merilee who is on staff with Mustard Seeds and Mountains. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. He has been very sick so please uphold him fervently. Please pray for Merilee, her family and Joel’s wife as well. This is so hard on all of them. They are walking the dark valley right now and your prayers can bring God’s light and hope to them.

Another request I have is for my son Jeremy. He flies to Denmark tomorrow (Friday March 13) for a little over a week to perform his hiphop/rap music in several venues there. He writes and performs wholesome, thought-provoking songs with messages which touch on universal themes for all people. His music often opens doors to build relationships and share his faith in Christ. Pray for his safety and openness to God’s spirit as he shares in the lives of those who enjoy his music.

Randy will be traveling next week (March 18-23) to Maryland to speak, in fact he will be speaking to groups and meeting with individuals at least 10 times in the few days he will be there. In April he drives to New Jersey to speak in a church and he flies to Montana in May to teach in a YWAM Fundamentals of Christian Community Development school. Please pray for his safety in travel as well as filling of the spirit of God for ministry to those to whom he speaks. Thank God with us for these opportunities and pray God accomplish all he desires.

And I will be flying home to West Virginia March 28, staying through April 22! I am looking forward to that. It will be so nice to see everyone again. Randy said the forsythia bushes are just beginning to bloom so they should be in their full glory while I am there! Forsythias are like floral sunshine; I love them when they bloom in March and April. They are smile makers.

I hope we all can be “smile makers” too.

Jacque

“Turn clocks ahead one hour.” That is a note to self and I put it right by my bedside clock. I have to have notes for everything, in front of my face, or I will very likely forget whatever it was I needed to remember. I have many appointments, especially medical related, and other various and sundry (sounds real Biblical, eh?) responsibilities I have to track, and I’m not even running my own home yet!

I can’t blame chemo-brain for my inability to “multi-task” because it was happening long before the “C” word entered my life. However, I’ve read and heard about articles telling us we shouldn’t be trying to juggle so many objects (responsibilities) anyway, that our brains are not wired to do that well. Something is bound to “drop”. I believe they are right. We are losing our ability to focus and do a task well because we’ve bought into the idea that we have to be doing all these other things at the same time. When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

Yet there are things which are true priorities for our lives and we need to identify them and restructure our lives to be sure they have their proper place (that would be Numero Uno, Dos, etc.).

God’s been working on me for a long time on these issues. I’ve had the opportunity since forced to be less active while going through cancer treatment, to take time to do the really important things in life. Spiritual disciplines are easy to skimp on in the midst of a busy routine. We excuse ourselves more than we should, and I have been guilty of that most of my life. I have benefitted from good time in the Word and prayer over the past year, and I want to continue doing what I need to do (it is “discipline”) to nurture my relationship with my Lord as my responsibilities increase.

See, the spiritual disciplines are more than just actions; they are actions designed to train our hearts to know the Lord more deeply. They won’t really work effectively unless we want them to work. Habits of the body and mind are good. But they are not the end in themselves. The end is to have our heart changed to love the living God, continuing to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, with the source of our actions (the religious motions we go through) being our heart, not just our minds or bodies.

Traumatic interruptions in our lives, like cancer or other illnesses, economic reversals, you name it, can be doorways to greater understanding and growth when we allow our devastation to be turned to education by God. When we find ourselves flat on our faces before God, because we have been dealt a blow which has knocked us flat and we realize there is no One else to go to but God, we can change the whole tenor of our experience from despair to hope by truly humbling our hearts before the Lord, becoming teachable to whatever he has to teach us. We are already in the proper position.

The trick is to maintain that position of the heart (humility) and actions which support God’s teaching (spiritual disciplines and acts of obedience to God) when we are increasingly encumbered with other responsibilities of life. Do we really believe what we’ve been learning at the feet of Jesus? Or will the other “voices” around us which call for our attention, drown His voice, and give the lie to all we say we believe by the way we actually live our lives. God forbid.

The ladies’ Bible study I attend on Thursdays has been reading through the book of Mark, according to a calendar of New Testament readings for the year our pastor is distributing to encourage reading the Bible (great idea!). This week one of the readings was in Mark 12:29ff. Jesus was asked which was the foremost commandment Moses gave in the Law. Without hesitation (I infer) Jesus rattles off a heartfelt, “ ‘Hear O Israel! The LORD our God is one Lord; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ And the second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (He was quoting from Deuteronomy 6).

When the scribe answered Jesus back he agreed that to do these things was greater than all burnt offerings and sacrifices (our equivalent would be all our church attendance and other religious activity including giving money and volunteering, etc.). Jesus made the fascinating comment that this scribe was “not far from the kingdom of God”.

I’d say this was a pretty strong hint as to what is important to God and therefore what we should make our priorities.

Numero Uno: Love God with all we are; heart (undivided, single hearted, sincere love), soul (deepness of feeling, fervent love), mind (intelligent affection), strength (all our energies, intensity in our affection).
Numero Dos: And love your neighbor as yourself, with the sincerity we have for ourselves and with the same readiness to do and suffer for them as we would reasonably want them to do for us. (Insights from Commentary on the Whole Bible; Jamieson, Fausset and Brown, borrowed from the library across the street. I love libraries.)

Jesus said there were no other commandments greater in importance than these. All of scripture is encapsulated in these two commands. All God’s will for us in contained therein. The doing of these, the working out of these two commands from the lips of God demands our supreme efforts, on a daily basis. It will transform our lives, and our world.

God help us.

Which he has done by sending his spirit into our hearts. And what we term the spiritual disciplines are designed to help us accomplish this, the doing of God’s two greatest commands.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We all know we’ve been asleep with the disciples in the Garden, when we’ve been told to “watch and pray” (so we won’t fall into temptation).

If the rebuke fits, wear it…and weep (in contrition, repentance, changing direction). Then get up, slap ourselves a couple times and get busy doing what needs to be done so we don’t fall asleep again. (I am talking in the awkward “group speak” of ‘we’ and ‘ourselves’ because I am including myself in those being spoken to.)

So…here I am, enjoying tremendously the time I have to dig into the Word of God, write notes on my insights, and set aside times for prayer (often in a park with a tremendous view because I love it so). I must determine and hold myself to it with all firmness that as I take on more responsibilities and fill my time with more activities, I will make and keep my priorities straight so I can keep the two Priorities most important to God.

I am teaching my granddaughter, Lourdes (5 years), to do ‘first things first’ when preparing for school (getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth). Then she will be ready to go and not have to rush at the last minute.

I need to remember to keep ‘first things first’, and build into my life those disciplines which will keep me on the path of daily living out ‘loving God supremely, and loving my neighbor as myself’. Then I will be ready to go when the time comes, whether it is to do something needful at any given moment, or meet my Lord face to face.

There will be no “rushing” at the last minute.

Let's keep praying for one another, holding each other up and holding each other accountable.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Jacque