I got my tax information gathering done (to send to our CPA friend)! Yeah! When it came to medical expenses for the two of us this past year....yikes! I am overawed at how much it has cost for all my surgeries, treatments and doctor visits. And Randy’s, too. He also ended up having major surgery last year when his remaining “bad” knee, the one he’d been putting off having replaced, gave out on him while here in California. We decided he should go ahead and have the replacement done here while in the midst of some of the best doctors in the country. I had 2 surgeries, February and April, which turned out to be outpatient (praise the Lord!) and at the end of April he had his as an inpatient!

Preparing for our taxes is not my favorite thing. Yet like other things I’ve had to do, it gives me a view of reality which is not unlike stepping back and seeing the “forest”, not just the “trees”. Gaining a different perspective helps me see things in a new way. And usually I end up thanking God for the traces of his mercy and grace in what I see.

For instance, for Randy and me this past year has been the most unusual in our lives. Yet the grace of God is woven through the fibers of every day. It is evident wherever we look. The fact that our medical insurance is still in force and paying the agreed upon amounts is amazing and one of God’s huge blessings to us. The strength and healing I have been experiencing has “blown us away”, and we keep giving thanks and praise to God. We continue to be amazed at the way our family has embraced us and taken us in, literally, to live here with them in California so we both have had access to some of the best medical care in the country and even the world. The concern and prayers of scores of family and friends, like you, have humbled, encouraged and blessed us. And every day Randy and I need God’s grace to live apart from each other so I can continue and finish up my treatments here…and we have it. So many things point to God’s truly Amazing Grace.

As I approach the final 5 months of my treatments, I find myself mentally looking to West Virginia and home more each day. For a year my involvement with all that was my life in West Virginia was put on hold, suspended in my mind because I couldn’t be there physically. I had already learned the life lesson not to pine for what cannot be, so I settled in to living here with our sons and families and enjoying them while I had to go through all that breast cancer treatment means. I’ve always said God has given me a great capacity to adjust to whatever circumstances I find myself in. That capacity is his grace given to me for whatever life brings. In this case I have been overflowingly (I think I just made up a word) blessed because I have been able to spend the past 13 months with some of the most special people in my life, my kids (sons and wives) and grandkids! And the amazing part is they haven’t gotten tired of me! When it comes to leaving here when it is time for me to move back to West Virginia, I’ll need lots of God’s grace to leave them…. Well, I know I’ll have it when I need it, not before. That’s how God’s grace is given, for the needs of “today”, not tomorrow (Matthew 6:34).

So what is happening “back home” and with Mustard Seeds and Mountains, which has been our life these many years? Our staff is very capably holding down the “fort” while Randy is in Georgia at our home church’s annual missions conference. I wish I could be there with him. Next year, Lord willing. We have so many dear friends in the Atlanta area and we thank God for them!

Randy will be conducting a workshop for the missionaries on how to best use volunteers in their ministries. I think you could say he is an “expert” in that field after 14 years experience! We have learned a lot over the years and I am glad for the opportunity he has to share with other servants of the Lord so they can benefit.

Randy was able to get a lot of work done this past week on the book he is writing for families. Our prayer is that God will use it powerfully to help parents shape their families to be Kingdom people, after God’s heart, accomplishing his purposes in the world. We owe a debt of gratitude to the Oktavec family for hosting him last week, giving him the time and space to focus on his writing. Thanks guys.

As a “remote” staff person with Mustard Seeds and Mountains, I book the mission trips and handle things related to personnel record keeping. Technology (stop laughing back there!) makes so much possible, even thousands of miles away from the home office, even when one is not a techie. I am glad to be able to do the things I do with Mustard Seeds, especially being so far away. Of course, I also have a ministry here in our local church and I am so thankful to be involved. Wherever you are, there you minister. And of course, prayer has no boundaries.

Speaking of prayer, as you pray for us and the ministry of Mustard Seeds, please pray once again for my daughter in law, Monica, who has had another injury to her right eye, and the cornea has been damaged. Pray God mercifully heal and protect her eye. And while you are at it, pray for her in her pregnancy and the young life she is carrying. Thank you.

This year has brought much into our lives. The evil one meant it for harm but God’s grace was available to turn it, as God intended, to good. When that “forest” you find yourself in turns out to be a grove of lemon trees…yup, make lemonade.

“Man’s extremities are God’s opportunities”.

Jacque

Thirty down, two to go! Radiation treatments, that is. I look like I have a bad sunburn (on the skin at the site of the radiation) but so far no peeling and very little soreness. All our prayers have been answered to this point and I am very grateful things have gone so well. I am trusting that the internal damage is also at a minimum as we have prayed. God has been good to me and I try to tell that to others, always giving Him the glory.

Friday, February 13, I go in again for another Herceptin infusion. These last a few hours each session. I will be continuing with these Herceptin treatments every three weeks through the month of July 2009. Then I will be officially done with cancer therapy, except for taking a pill (to suppress all estrogen production) for a total of 5 years. Both the Herceptin and estrogen suppression treatments give me extra protection against cancer recurrence. Not everyone tests positive for these particular receptors but I did and therefore can benefit from these treatments.
So praise God with us and continue to pray for total healing from cancer, myasthenia gravis and any heart problems.

And now for other great news from the Wallace clan: Jeremy and Monica (our eldest son and wife) are expecting baby #3! We are all looking forward to his or her arrival sometime the end of next summer. Please pray for mommy’s and baby’s health and safety.

Randy is in Florida as I write, speaking in churches and colleges, recruiting interns and staff for Mustard Seeds and Mountains, promoting Mission as Life trips and the ministry in general. We are excited about the work God has put into our hands, co-laboring with God in McDowell County, West Virginia, yet touching the whole world.

How so, touching the whole world? Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ ministry to people who come and work with us, either on a Mission as Life trip or as an intern or longer term staff, is powerful to change lives because of the working of God’s spirit in all concerned.

We at Mustard Seeds bathe everything we do in prayer…as you will hear Randy say, “Pray the work”. Since we are convinced this is God’s work, not the Randy and Jacque show, nor that of anyone else on staff, we look to Him for guidance and the power and provision to accomplish what we need to do.

And I want to encourage you to do the same, whatever God has put in your hands to do. Together we will build the kingdom of God, come what may. There are no superheroes in God’s kingdom, only servants of the Most High God, the Faithful One, to Whom we are called to be faithful. Got a higher calling? There is no higher calling!

I praise and thank God I have a reason to get up in the morning. His presence and faithful promises keep me going, even when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself. I miss my husband and will not see him for several months, and I get weepy at times. Yet I choose to praise God for all His benefits to me. He has been so good to me. Praise His holy Name.

Thanks for caring and letting me share my thoughts and needs with you. May Jesus Christ hold you together (Colossians 1:17).

Jacque

On Wednesday of this week I will be halfway through Radiation treatments. I thank the Lord no side effects so far.

Last Friday I went back to my doctor for the results of wearing the heart monitor. He explained the different graph printouts to me and apparently I have been having premature heartbeats which affect the body in various ways (PACs and PVCs for you medical types). The doctor prescribed a beta blocker medication for me which I started Saturday, and I will be seeing a cardiologist in late February. I am not that concerned about it since I’ve lived with this coming and going for many years. However, as I mentioned before, since I have had to take 2 drugs which can damage the heart, and I do have heart disease in my family history, I felt it wise to check it out. Pray with me that this will indeed pass and not be anything serious.

Going in to the Proton Treatment Center at Loma Linda University Hospital every day of the week for several weeks, one gets to know the other patients who come in for their treatments. Funny thing is I don’t know their names…I need to get that one down this week. Anyway, we chat as we wait to be called back for our treatments. I realize these folks seem to complain about things more than express gratitude for the positive things in their lives. Today when I came in a couple of them laughed and said they were just griping about something. I was able to agree with them, yet, I said, I realize I have so much to be thankful for…and they agreed with me.

We can always find things to complain about in life, even in the good times, so much more so when things are not so good. Yet I have always contended that no matter how bad things are in one’s life, there are always things for which one can thank God. And those are the things which we must turn our attention to, rather than the complaints we have (as legitimate as they may be).

As I just emailed a cousin, our paths in life may not always be rosy, but what a difference a Savior makes! I thank God I do not travel this life path alone. I walk with the sure promise of God's Presence, plus I have scores of bothers and sisters of faith to journey with me.

Got hope, will travel.

Jacque

Today I had my 10th radiation treatment. I am scheduled to have a total of 32 so I am almost a third of the way through radiation therapy. After the first couple of days of measuring, X-raying, lining everything up perfectly (lots of math in this field), which took about an hour each time, it really does take only a scant 15 minutes for the three “shots” of radiation I get every day (5 days of the week). Usually when they run the radiation (three sets varying from 30 to 70 seconds each) I am asking God to make sure it kills only the cancer cells, that no other tissue is damaged, that they get me lined up perfectly, that God be merciful to me, etc.

So far I have experienced no side effects such as skin turning red, or extra tiredness, though I understand the effects are cumulative, building up over the weeks. But we are praying for minimal side effects. So we praise God for the way things are going and give Him the glory.

There is another concern though and today I went to my family doctor and he did an EKG (which was normal) and fitted me with a heart monitor for 24 hours. I have had some irregular heartbeats which cause me concern because some are more intense than I’ve ever had. I’ve had occasional incidents of irregular heartbeat for 30 years. Doctors have told me it is nothing to worry about. I had a clean bill of heart health in the work up here at Loma Linda University Medical Center before my surgeries almost a year ago. However, one of the chemo drugs I took last summer and the Herceptin I am currently receiving can cause heart damage so being aware of that, I am being cautious.

I should get the results of this 24 hour test in a couple of days. We are praying everything will be fine and this too will pass with no ill effects. We appreciate your prayers for me. I will let you know the test results.

Other than that I am doing well. I have still been able to go for my walks each day. I do tire easily yet am able to rest when needed. Since the middle of November I have not yet had to take another Mestinon for MG weakness. We continue to “sing His praises” for this and keep praying for His complete healing.

God is so good. Our hope is in Him every day. Completely.

Jacque

Radiation therapy started yesterday. I will go in every day for several weeks (probably 7 in all). They do a lot of measuring and marking (lines and crosses and now two tattoos, just dots) on my chest, X-rays and finally the actual “treatment” with radiation. I assume once they get all the preliminaries done it will take only 15 minutes per session they said it would take. I’d rather they be absolutely certain where those “rad rays” are going so if it takes a bit of time, that’s ok.

I had two sets of actual radiation treatment today. The first took 1 minute, the second 30 seconds. As I lay there and try to relax, I pray the radiologists get it absolutely right, that no tissue or organs or systems are damaged, that the side effects will be minimal. Please pray with me.

They have to irradiate the lymph nodes higher in the chest/neck area, ones they did not surgically remove. Pray with me that my lymph system is not damaged by this process.

And I would appreciate your prayers for healing from another sinus congestion/cold. It started the weekend before radiation started. The coughing tires me and the struggle to breathe when lying down disrupts my sleep, compounding the tiredness.

Other than that I’m doing fine! The weather’s beautiful and clear, which means you can see the mountains because no smog is obliterating the view. My favorite southern California time of year. (Several years ago, after recently moving to West Virginia, someone doing a survey asked me about the air pollution in WV. After having lived in S. Cali for a dozen years in the 1980’s, I almost laughed! In West Virginia I only “see the air” when a passing train belches smoke or there is “legitimate” fog!)

Thanks for caring, and praying. In this coming new year, I pray that you will prosper and be in good health even as your soul prospers (3 John 2).

Jacque

Last week Thursday (Dec 18) marked one year since my breast cancer diagnosis. I didn’t actually think about it very much until after the fact. I am not much for those kinds of “anniversaries”. But it is significant to realize a whole year has gone by, a year of my life (and at my age that is nothing to sniff at), which was full of changes, significant changes. Changes which were not small but on the order of an 8.0 on the Richter scale. They got my, and our, attention.

At first I felt like I was in the fighter’s ring and took a hard stomach punch. Now, I am not a violent nor athletic person, so my abdominal muscles were not prepared for such a punch, metaphorically speaking. It sort of knocked me on my butt and took my breath away (while I am thinking, what am I doing in this boxing ring??!!). All was unreal for awhile.

It was a great comfort and strength to me to have my best friend and companion, my husband Randy, at my side, helping me make decisions, yet not running ahead of me, rather, walking with me step by step. His love and support cannot be estimated, cannot be measured. It was and is much more than I can ever put into figures or words. Really, that is what love is all about. My “cup” overflows with blessing because of him.

Many people have commented how strong I am and have been through all that has happened to me since that diagnosis of breast cancer one year ago. Let me be the first to say, I am not strong. But I thank God I know who is; Jesus Christ, the living son of God. And I just want to thank God my Father for “causing to be written” his Word for us. I go to God’s word and prayer and there is where I find strength. In communicating with the living God, reading his words, which are so deep no one will ever fully plumb their depths, I find what I need to do and grace to do it.

I distinctly remember resuming my reading in the Psalms right after my diagnosis. I was at Psalm 111 which opens, “Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart…”, and my heart said, no I don’t . I don’t feel like praising God. I feel like I’ve just been punched. I’d rather demand “why” this is happening to me. I have a heavy weight someone just dumped on me and I definitely do not like it, especially since it can kill me.

Then, while these feelings and thoughts are steam rolling through my head and heart, I am acknowledging, “yes, I will praise the LORD, because I know that is just what I need to do, I must do”, especially since I am so hurt and don’t want to do it. How much more important that I do praise God in the face of these conflicting and dark feelings! If I praise God in the sunny meadows but refuse to praise him in the dark valley, I am a hypocrite. Before God, I fear that more than cancer itself.

That moment, I chose to praise God. A sheer act of the will. All has flowed from that choice.

It’s true, if you give God an inch, he will take a mile! And boy am I glad of that! When I chose to praise God, not for cancer but for who he is regardless of my physical state, I put myself in his arms, so to speak, like a child safe in the arms of his daddy, and all his comfort and grace for my need was then poured out on me in the days which followed. As long as I stay in that safe, dependent place, I am strengthened with “resurrection” power. When I cry tears of hurt and confusion and fear, pleading with my Abba Father, he is there to pick me up off the floor and set me down next to him, his arm around me. He gives me a “future and a hope”, and no one else can do that, no one.

If I have nothing else to praise God for other than who he is and all the mighty works he has done, surely that is enough, isn’t it? It should be. Just take a hard look at the cross.

I daily seek to “fix my eyes on Jesus” and be a faithful follower of his. This is a much better perspective to have than having my eyes on me.

May we all see Jesus in his strange disguise this Christmas season…and let him bring change to our lives.

Jacque

I’m back in California resuming my Herceptin infusions. It had been a month since I had my last infusion, along with the final chemotherapy. Herceptin is technically not considered chemotherapy (since it targets only the cancer cells) and will continue for the next 9 months, administered usually every three weeks. I had a big blast of Herceptin on Friday November 21, the day after I arrived back in CA. It went well, I rested over the week-end, and was able to attend church and resume my new ministry of Prayer Partner, going down front after the service and being available for those who wish to pray with someone. There were about 4 other Prayer Partners that morning, ready to pray with those who stood in need of it. I hope to get to know them better.

I enjoyed immensely my time back home in West Virginia. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it! It was great spending time with my friends on Mustard Seed staff, our “home church” missional community, and other neighbors and friends.

There were sad elements, though. A friend’s grandfather died and it was hard on her and her family. And a neighbor who had lived in my community all his life, who told Randy stories of playing in our very yard as a boy many years ago, died in hospital while I was there. Mustard Seeds had worked on his home more than once over the years and he received witness of God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice for him, but was always resistant to the gospel. It was another neighbor, who had known this man for many, many years who related that she had talked to him before he went to hospital, and he did pray with her to receive Christ as his savior. What a blessing to know that! I truly hope to see him in heaven. God is merciful and compassionate, willing to forgive our sins, more so than we are to forgive ourselves!

Randy had told me they’d already had cold weather in WV and once or twice it actually snowed. Yet when I arrived at Yeager Airport (named for Chuck Yeager, who hailed from WV) in Charleston, I stepped off the plane into 70 degree weather! What a surprise! We enjoyed gorgeous weather for a few days and I spent as much time as I could on my front porch. Then we had chilly, rainy weather move in. But you know, I still think the hills are beautiful, with the tree’s leaves down and matted on the ground, the rocky outcroppings exposed. I’ve always enjoyed and gloried in God’s creative flourishes in the fall and winter seasons, especially living in West Virginia.

A few days before I had to leave WV, it turned cold and we had snow. Beautiful! We had to drive in it one day and it can be treacherous, but God kept us safe our whole trip that day. I do prefer to stay off the roads in that kind of weather, stay indoors in my cozy home or bundled up, and with cups of hot chocolate, my hubby and I sit on the porch together watching the snow come down, covering trees and bushes, lawns and mountainsides. Who said late fall and winter are depressing? There is beauty all around if we look with seeing eyes. Thankful eyes. God has been teaching me for a number of years about this very thing. How good and patient his is!

As the days progressed, putting more time behind me since the final chemotherapy, and after God healed me of the cold I endured for 5 weeks (which he healed in answer in believing prayer by Randy and our staff on Wednesday following my arrival there), I gained in energy and strength and was able to do a number of things, including joining staff meetings 3 mornings a week and doing some Mustard Seeds business in the office. I rested when I got tired, because I still don’t have a lot of stamina, and took walks around my yard, which, because of the slope, was about all the exercise I could handle. I miss gardening and one day collected the few seeds I could find left from some of my flowering plants. I have them here and plan to pot them and see if they will transplant to this southern California climate!

When Randy gathered our staff on that first Wednesday morning, as the men ended their prayer time and the women on staff were about to start ours, Randy asked that they pray for my healing of the cold, the cancer and the myasthenia gravis. He anointed me with oil as James talks about in his epistle, (and which we had asked for from the elders in the church I am attending now in CA) and they prayed in faith for me with the above requests. Randy has been praying for my healing from MG (myasthenia gravis) as well as the cancer, for almost the past year, since my diagnosis in December 2007. So have others, some for many, many years. God has convicted me of my failure to persist in prayer for my own healing from MG over the 45 years I have had it. Something finally “clicked” inside me and I am coming to him with all the faith I have, small as it is, casting my doubts and fears right back on him and praying for faith, like the father whose son had a terrible demon! “Lord, help my unbelief!”

Now I am coming to God to uphold his word. Since Sunday November 16 I have not taken a Mestinon pill. This is a cholinesterase inhibitor which I have taken since I was first diagnosed with MG back in 1965. I have never, since I was first put on it, not taken Mestinon. I always needed it. Now I find I do not need it(be assured this is one of those drugs which I can take or not take as needed, not like other drugs I currently take.)

Randy and I are trusting God that this is indication of him answering prayer. I do not know how long a process this will be. I will take it step by step. There are many doubts and rationalizations which come into my mind, but these I turn over to the Lord. James says it is the prayer of faith which saves the sick. A double minded, doubting person doesn’t pray in faith and therefore doesn’t receive anything.

I said I am asking God to uphold his word, his promises related to prayer. Why? Because we are declaring (telling others) God is answering prayer. His name is on the line here, not just mine. My desire is to bring glory to him. God is glorified in his mighty acts…acts which we call on him to perform…in faith. Faith greatly pleases him (Hebrews 12:6). Everything I am saying here is grounded in scripture. I’ve not gone off the deep end! I’m afraid I haven’t given God his due in the faith area. He deserves more.

Now, I have to address the issue of Radiation therapy. I have an appointment for a consultation on Tuesday, December 2. Remember I asked for prayer that I might not have to go through radiation? Well, I still would like to avoid it, if possible. But I realized that I was tired of having to go through another thing which would make me tired, weak, sore, etc. Rather small of me, actually. Wrong motivation. God has been so gracious to me! Instead of a frightening experience, I have grown stronger and sailed through surgeries and chemotherapies. Yes, there has been real pain and discomfort and various other side effects. I am not denying them. But I have done so well that even my Oncologist said I was doing very well. Then he repeated it. I told him I thanked God.

When I agreed, at the very first visit with the oncological surgeon, to have the kind of surgery I had (breast conserving surgery rather than a mastectomy) I agreed to have follow up radiation, though I wasn’t happy about it. This is standard procedure for the kind of surgery I had, so as to lessen the likelihood of any cancer cells being left behind and causing a recurrence of the cancer. So, since I do not feel I should discontinue any therapies for cancer, I am obligated to follow through with the full regimen. I do this before the Lord.

Does that mean your prayers that I might avoid radiation were useless? Of course not. I plan to ask about the possibility of not taking the course of radiation. God may surprise me! But I am at this point submitting to what I agreed to for cancer treatment under the care of the doctors of Loma Linda University Medical Center. And I definitely need your prayers for God’s mercy to be extended to me through this treatment. There are unpleasant side effects and I pray they will be minimal. Those who have been through it understand these things. Everyone responds differently to treatments and I am again throwing myself on the mercies of God, taking nothing for granted.

How I thank God for your prayers for me! James, in chapter 5:14-16, after outlining in verses 14 and 15 how those who are sick are to go to the elders and ask them to pray and anoint with oil the sick person, and the prayer of faith will save the sick and God would bring healing and forgiveness of sins, goes on to say that we are to confess our faults to one another and pray for one another so that we may be healed. This is, I am sorry to say, what is so often lacking in many churches. We need this kind of face to face community, accountability, vulnerability to one another; and then forbearance, forgiveness and compassion for each other, and boldness to believe God…so that we can pray in true faith toward God and love for one another, so that we may be healed. By this (one means of acting in love for one another) we will be known as Christ’s disciples, and I believe God will be glorified.

This blog serves a purpose of sharing my needs with you, many of whom will pray for me. A blog is very deficient in many ways, so one sided, but it does share a need. And your prayers are significant and deeply appreciated. However, we need to develop and nurture the kind of relationships James points to in his letter so that we can have a greater effect in the body of Christ and in the world!

Oh that Christ would be magnified and glorified in us! Oh that we would love and trust him more so that he can do greater works through us! Then he would be glorified and his kingdom built up on earth!
This is why we live.

Jacque