As I drove away from the doctor’s office yesterday I felt like crying. And I did a little. I had just been to the cardiologist who gave me the results of 3 heart tests I had done two weeks ago. I already knew I have irregular heartbeats and was put on an alpha and beta blocker medication (switched from just a beta blocker), but the tests also showed my heart is weak and functioning at 35 % rather than a much higher percentage. So I was also put on another heart med, an ACE inhibitor. It will take several weeks and even months to regulate the dosages to do what we want them to do at levels I can tolerate. So I felt my throat tighten up and I silently cried out to the Lord as I drove away.

I am thankful to find out the problems going on with my heart. As I said in a previous update, I have had irregular heartbeats off and on for years and no doctor I mentioned it to, when it flared up, seemed to think it serious. Maybe it wasn’t back then. Apparently it is now. My cardiologist said she doesn’t know if the weakening of my heart is related to the chemotherapy I received (there are 2 drugs which I did receive that can cause heart problems). Before my cancer surgery last February I had heart tests done and they came back normal. My current test results are being sent to my oncologist. I see him tomorrow, Friday, March 27, at which time I also have another infusion of Herceptin.

I am not overburdened with this news but I am saddened. A feeling of mild sadness lays on me. I think it is similar to what the psalmist may have felt sometimes when he would say, “How long, Lord?”. I really can’t describe my feelings. I only know how I respond to my feelings, and that is to cry out to God, who hears. Sometimes I don’t even have words; I don’t even know what I am feeling to be able to form words. But that is ok, because he listens to my heart. I don’t need words. He gives me peace. I am praying and asking God to heal me of these conditions, strengthen my heart and regulate the beats.

Today I got good news after I went back to the cardiologist’s office for a test of the electrical impulses of my heart; I passed! The reading on this test was normal. It’s nice to be ‘normal’ in some areas! (We could get into an interesting discussion of what is normal….)

Please pray for me as I continue Heceptin infusions, start on heart medicines and fly to West Virginia on Saturday (28th). This last one is a lot more fun than the others! Pray I make all my connecting flights. I have a tight one in O’Hare airport in Chicago. Thanks again to John and Barbara in Taiwan for using their flight miles to buy my ticket! This is a wonderful gift. Bless you both.

Just to update you on previous prayer requests I made: my son Jeremy had a safe and good time in Denmark last week. He spent several days with people who have very little in the way of Christian influence, if any, in their lives and was able to have conversations about God, etc., and express his faith in normal life situations, like saying he’d prayed about something, or praying for someone’s situation (and God answered!). This is all very strange and unusual to Danes as a whole. The young couple who hosted Jeremy are very open to talking about God. They hope to visit CA in the fall and want to visit the church Jeremy attends because his description of what goes on blew them away. Few there attend church. ‘Church’ to them is for a few old people. Pray for A and M, Jeremy’s Danish hosts, that they will remain open to God’s spirit and come to know Jesus Christ and be his committed followers.

Monica’s eye seems to be improving. Joel N. continues with chemotherapy for cancer. Continue to hold them both up for healing and grace and thank you for praying for them.

A praise: our son Seth, a first year science teacher, completing his master’s degree in education, was spared a ‘pink slip’ from the school district. Many were going to be getting those and lose their jobs due to budget cuts. God protected his job, to the delight, amazement and joy of all of us concerned. This is especially significant in light of the fact that he is now the sole wage earner in the family. Melissa has been able to stay home with Caleb after she was laid off last fall. God is good.

Let me say that again. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Jacque

This was a week of tests. Heart tests. No, not emotional heart tests! The real thing. The thumping organ in our chests heart, without which we cannot live. I had previously mentioned I was having irregular heartbeats and went to the doctor to get checked out. I saw the cardiologist a couple weeks ago and just finished up 3 tests this week she ordered for me. In a couple more weeks I will see her for the test results. She will also send these test results to my oncologist. I am praying that if there are any serious issues they will be found, and then that God will heal them.

Every day I put myself into God’s hands, not primarily because I am suffering from serious diseases and have a desperate need for him, but because I love him and want to live my life for his glory. Why? He bought me back from the stranglehold of sin and death at tremendous cost, the blood of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I do not belong to myself; I belong to God. So that is why I consciously give myself back to him.

I must not come to God just for my needs to be met. That would be self serving. One may initially come that way, to get a desperate need met. Most of us do. God is compassionate and gracious and extends himself to us to meet us where we are. But having been touched by his mercy and grace, we should move beyond only seeking for ourselves to loving and serving the Lord who bought us; we call this spiritual growth. We move from spiritual babyhood to maturity. This takes time, a lifetime.

Times like this “parenthesis” in my life because of physical challenges, and to which we all are subject, can be valuable in our movement in spiritual maturity. In fact, without them we would make little progress forward. Though our tendency is to fear and avoid suffering and difficulties in our lives, these are the very things we need to learn to embrace with joy (yes, that’s what James said!) because we know we can come out better in many ways for it (James 1:2ff; Hebrews 12: 11-13; Romans 5:3ff).

I may not be standing here shouting, “Bring it on!” when it comes to suffering various kinds of trials, yet I am trying to understand and develop a perspective and attitude of trust in my heavenly Father which fosters rest and peace in him whatever comes my way.

Having said that, there is definitely a place and time for seeking the mercies of God for our desperate needs. There are several things on my heart which I want to share with you, of the sufferings and needs of others, so that we can pray together for them. In all our trials we need the encouragement and prayers of each other.

First let me update a previous prayer request. A few weeks ago my daughter-in-law Monica sustained another injury to her right eye, damaging the cornea. Her eye is healing but her vision does get blurry when strained during her work as a nurse. She has been told she will have various problems with her eye for the rest of her life so please pray God heal it completely.

A young man I am deeply concerned for is Joel, the brother of Merilee who is on staff with Mustard Seeds and Mountains. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. He has been very sick so please uphold him fervently. Please pray for Merilee, her family and Joel’s wife as well. This is so hard on all of them. They are walking the dark valley right now and your prayers can bring God’s light and hope to them.

Another request I have is for my son Jeremy. He flies to Denmark tomorrow (Friday March 13) for a little over a week to perform his hiphop/rap music in several venues there. He writes and performs wholesome, thought-provoking songs with messages which touch on universal themes for all people. His music often opens doors to build relationships and share his faith in Christ. Pray for his safety and openness to God’s spirit as he shares in the lives of those who enjoy his music.

Randy will be traveling next week (March 18-23) to Maryland to speak, in fact he will be speaking to groups and meeting with individuals at least 10 times in the few days he will be there. In April he drives to New Jersey to speak in a church and he flies to Montana in May to teach in a YWAM Fundamentals of Christian Community Development school. Please pray for his safety in travel as well as filling of the spirit of God for ministry to those to whom he speaks. Thank God with us for these opportunities and pray God accomplish all he desires.

And I will be flying home to West Virginia March 28, staying through April 22! I am looking forward to that. It will be so nice to see everyone again. Randy said the forsythia bushes are just beginning to bloom so they should be in their full glory while I am there! Forsythias are like floral sunshine; I love them when they bloom in March and April. They are smile makers.

I hope we all can be “smile makers” too.

Jacque

“Turn clocks ahead one hour.” That is a note to self and I put it right by my bedside clock. I have to have notes for everything, in front of my face, or I will very likely forget whatever it was I needed to remember. I have many appointments, especially medical related, and other various and sundry (sounds real Biblical, eh?) responsibilities I have to track, and I’m not even running my own home yet!

I can’t blame chemo-brain for my inability to “multi-task” because it was happening long before the “C” word entered my life. However, I’ve read and heard about articles telling us we shouldn’t be trying to juggle so many objects (responsibilities) anyway, that our brains are not wired to do that well. Something is bound to “drop”. I believe they are right. We are losing our ability to focus and do a task well because we’ve bought into the idea that we have to be doing all these other things at the same time. When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

Yet there are things which are true priorities for our lives and we need to identify them and restructure our lives to be sure they have their proper place (that would be Numero Uno, Dos, etc.).

God’s been working on me for a long time on these issues. I’ve had the opportunity since forced to be less active while going through cancer treatment, to take time to do the really important things in life. Spiritual disciplines are easy to skimp on in the midst of a busy routine. We excuse ourselves more than we should, and I have been guilty of that most of my life. I have benefitted from good time in the Word and prayer over the past year, and I want to continue doing what I need to do (it is “discipline”) to nurture my relationship with my Lord as my responsibilities increase.

See, the spiritual disciplines are more than just actions; they are actions designed to train our hearts to know the Lord more deeply. They won’t really work effectively unless we want them to work. Habits of the body and mind are good. But they are not the end in themselves. The end is to have our heart changed to love the living God, continuing to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, with the source of our actions (the religious motions we go through) being our heart, not just our minds or bodies.

Traumatic interruptions in our lives, like cancer or other illnesses, economic reversals, you name it, can be doorways to greater understanding and growth when we allow our devastation to be turned to education by God. When we find ourselves flat on our faces before God, because we have been dealt a blow which has knocked us flat and we realize there is no One else to go to but God, we can change the whole tenor of our experience from despair to hope by truly humbling our hearts before the Lord, becoming teachable to whatever he has to teach us. We are already in the proper position.

The trick is to maintain that position of the heart (humility) and actions which support God’s teaching (spiritual disciplines and acts of obedience to God) when we are increasingly encumbered with other responsibilities of life. Do we really believe what we’ve been learning at the feet of Jesus? Or will the other “voices” around us which call for our attention, drown His voice, and give the lie to all we say we believe by the way we actually live our lives. God forbid.

The ladies’ Bible study I attend on Thursdays has been reading through the book of Mark, according to a calendar of New Testament readings for the year our pastor is distributing to encourage reading the Bible (great idea!). This week one of the readings was in Mark 12:29ff. Jesus was asked which was the foremost commandment Moses gave in the Law. Without hesitation (I infer) Jesus rattles off a heartfelt, “ ‘Hear O Israel! The LORD our God is one Lord; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ And the second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (He was quoting from Deuteronomy 6).

When the scribe answered Jesus back he agreed that to do these things was greater than all burnt offerings and sacrifices (our equivalent would be all our church attendance and other religious activity including giving money and volunteering, etc.). Jesus made the fascinating comment that this scribe was “not far from the kingdom of God”.

I’d say this was a pretty strong hint as to what is important to God and therefore what we should make our priorities.

Numero Uno: Love God with all we are; heart (undivided, single hearted, sincere love), soul (deepness of feeling, fervent love), mind (intelligent affection), strength (all our energies, intensity in our affection).
Numero Dos: And love your neighbor as yourself, with the sincerity we have for ourselves and with the same readiness to do and suffer for them as we would reasonably want them to do for us. (Insights from Commentary on the Whole Bible; Jamieson, Fausset and Brown, borrowed from the library across the street. I love libraries.)

Jesus said there were no other commandments greater in importance than these. All of scripture is encapsulated in these two commands. All God’s will for us in contained therein. The doing of these, the working out of these two commands from the lips of God demands our supreme efforts, on a daily basis. It will transform our lives, and our world.

God help us.

Which he has done by sending his spirit into our hearts. And what we term the spiritual disciplines are designed to help us accomplish this, the doing of God’s two greatest commands.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We all know we’ve been asleep with the disciples in the Garden, when we’ve been told to “watch and pray” (so we won’t fall into temptation).

If the rebuke fits, wear it…and weep (in contrition, repentance, changing direction). Then get up, slap ourselves a couple times and get busy doing what needs to be done so we don’t fall asleep again. (I am talking in the awkward “group speak” of ‘we’ and ‘ourselves’ because I am including myself in those being spoken to.)

So…here I am, enjoying tremendously the time I have to dig into the Word of God, write notes on my insights, and set aside times for prayer (often in a park with a tremendous view because I love it so). I must determine and hold myself to it with all firmness that as I take on more responsibilities and fill my time with more activities, I will make and keep my priorities straight so I can keep the two Priorities most important to God.

I am teaching my granddaughter, Lourdes (5 years), to do ‘first things first’ when preparing for school (getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth). Then she will be ready to go and not have to rush at the last minute.

I need to remember to keep ‘first things first’, and build into my life those disciplines which will keep me on the path of daily living out ‘loving God supremely, and loving my neighbor as myself’. Then I will be ready to go when the time comes, whether it is to do something needful at any given moment, or meet my Lord face to face.

There will be no “rushing” at the last minute.

Let's keep praying for one another, holding each other up and holding each other accountable.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Jacque