Joyous Christmas! Joyous because we celebrate the birthday of our King, Jesus the Christ. May He get lots of presents on His birthday!

Sometimes it is easy to forget Jesus is not an absentee King. Just because we cannot see Him as the disciples did, in a visible body like ours, doesn’t mean He isn’t here. He is very much Present with us who have put all our trust in Him to deliver us from our sins and promised us eternal life. He is busy at work in our world and calls us to join Him. What an unspeakable privilege!

There is so much work we do just to live in this world which must be done over and over again, yet will not last past this world. And now in the midst of that tedious yet necessary work, Jesus calls us and commands us to be about His work which will last through all eternity! Climb on board! (If you’ve been here on a mission trip with Mustard Seeds and Mountains you’ve probably heard Randy’s train parable. It is true!)

Being involved in people’s lives can be, and usually is, “messy”, as one of our former interns sagely observed. I am learning to keep my eyes on Jesus, as the scripture plainly says to do, so that my Perspective will be continually corrected to see as God sees things, and not get caught up in emotion and the ideas that abundantly propagate from people in the world, or even well meaning followers of Jesus, all around me. God alone knows best. In the heat of battle I must look to my Commander for my directives, not the enemy or even my fellowmen. I am so thankful for God’s Word! I am so grateful for His Spirit Who guides and teaches.

This past month has been full yet not overfull. There is always more to do than I have time for each day, yet God gives us only so many hours each day and energy to go with those hours so no sense fretting over that unfinished to-do list! The hours allotted are not going to change, so our expectations of what we can accomplish have to! Life is more enjoyable and we are easier to live with, too.

Randy and I are now preparing to travel to PA for a Christmas family reunion, although 2 of my brothers will be absent. It has been a few years since my siblings and Mom have been together. Though our own children and grandchildren will be in California, we have spent the last 2 Christmas’s with them and that has been a joy and a privilege.

Randy and I will be traveling again to CA in February for the next set of follow up appointments for me. I will be doing this every few months for the next several years. The upside of that travel and expense is we get to see our kids and grandkids when we go out. We will miss the birth of our next grandchild by 2 months this time, unfortunately, because he or she is due end of April. But Seth and Melissa and children are planning a trip back east this summer at which time they will be coming here for a visit. We are looking forward to having them all here, the first time in West Virginia for Caleb who is 3 years old!

Jaime, our newest grandson, is slowly showing improvement in his bout with colic and reflux. He and his parents will be very happy when he out grows this! We are so thankful for God’s mercy that everyone is otherwise healthy and faring well.

Randy has been working on the final edits of the book “Mission as Life”. He may be self publishing; we’ve been seeking the Lord’s guidance on this. Your prayers are appreciated as he moves through this process, choosing a publishing company and setting up meetings and conferences to promote the book. We see it as a tool to help parents build Kingdom vision in their families, to push forward God’s agenda in this world. In fact, if you are interested in having him come speak to your church or a group, once the book is in hand, please contact us!

Randy’s skin cancer surgery went quickly and well. He is healing up now. We pray this will be the end of this kind of thing. I haven’t had another incident of legs going useless. I had an MRI which, though I haven’t seen the doctor for an official read of the results, her office indicated it must be normal or the doctor would have called me. So life goes on as usual. I am so thankful Randy and I have been healthy this year, no colds or sickness.

I have been remaining strong as I cut back slowly on the…do you really want to know the name of the drug??? The generic for CellCept is Mycophenolate Mofetil. Yessiree! And I’ve heard it murdered more than once in the pronunciation! Can’t blame them! Anyway, this drug is a strong suppressor of the immune system, given to recipients of donor organs. But almost from the beginning of the time I started taking it, several years ago, I’ve prayed I could one day come off it. Isn’t God good. (That is a statement, not a question!)

Let’s worship this Good God with the gift He most desires, our living sacrifice of ourselves to Him. He is Worthy.

Jacque

UPS delivered a box yesterday with a bottle of pills, a new prescription for one of the 2 drugs I am still taking for the MG (myasthenia gravis). So what? I take lots of pills and have many delivered. But these pills are half the dosage of one of the meds I have been taking for the last few years (4 pills a day). My neurologist agreed to allow me to start slowly cutting back on the amount of this drug which suppresses my immune system. I had asked the Lord to move my doctor’s heart to allow this if He wanted me to cut back. We have asked God for healing of the MG and have seen Him give me exceptional strength over the past several months (for over a year). I was able, one year ago, to discontinue Mestinon, a maintenance type drug used to treat MG. Never, since I was diagnosed with MG at 15 years of age, have I been able to go without it, until last year. To us that is a miracle! Now, as of this morning, I am cutting back on this heavy duty drug.

Humanly speaking, my doctors look at the chemotherapy I went through for breast cancer and say, “Hmmm, cancer chemo to treat MG?”. Of course, as my neurologist states, I have been on long term “chemotherapy” with the drugs I have taken over the years to treat MG. One doctor many years ago, having looked at the list of meds I was on, made the comment, “You are on some heavy toxins, aren’t you”. Yes indeed.

God has used medical science and technology to benefit me over the past many, many years I have had MG. He has given knowledge to man in many areas, including medicine and human health and I thank God for it. But as we all know, there are limitations and drawbacks to most of these treatments. I am experiencing some of those as I write. That is why over the years I have prayed for God’s mercy to protect me from the bad side-effects of the various drugs I’ve taken. He has done that for many of them. I’ve prayed for many years that I could discontinue these helpful yet harmful drugs. Now, I will be cutting back ½ pill-worth per month of one of them, as I can tolerate it. That is, as long as I do not get weaker. I have put myself in God’s hands. I have not rushed ahead, have not presumed anything. But we have asked God for His mercy and grace in relation to my healing. We have directly asked for healing of the MG, as well as the cancer (and my heart since it was affected in the chemo treatments). As in all things, we wait on the Lord.

Part of that waiting involves fending off fears and doubts. The main thing for me to remember, for each one of us to remember, is that I, myself, must not be the center of my concern. I have to continually focus my eyes on Jesus Christ, not myself. I am a part of something much bigger and grander than just my life. God is working out His purposes, and I, as a redeemed follower of Jesus, get to be part of that, both now and for all eternity. What hope there is in that! If, as the apostle Paul said, we have hope only for this life, we would be more than all men, most miserable! Think of it. Everything we suffer in this life has meaning and purpose as we are rightly related to God and players in His big plan. Not a pain nor tear is wasted in any and all kinds of struggle and suffering. In fact, it is in our helplessness, powerlessness and physical weakness that we get to give God the opportunity to display His mighty power through us.

(Break for weeping.)

There are some truths hard to understand, to grasp with the mind. They must be embraced with the will, their reality accepted by faith. I always fall back on the big soft cushion of the goodness of God. That goodness has been proven over and over again. I don’t deserve it, but I am mighty glad for it.

Waiting on the Lord. I am again reading through the book of Isaiah (I highly recommend it) and today read chapter 40. Wow. These passages are so amazing and powerful. They feed the soul, build one’s faith. We neglect the reading and study of the Word of God to our own detriment. God had these words written down for us! I am so thankful He did that. I pray we will always be able to have the Word of God and that those who do not now have it, will be able to get it. I pray that we will eat it as food and be changed by putting into practice what God has said.

“Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD, or as His counselor has informed Him? With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding? And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding?

“To whom then will you liken Me that I would be his equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing…Why do you say… “My way is hidden from the LORD, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God”?

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.

Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40: 13, 14, 25-31 NASB

Think about that, think deeply about that. I sure am.

I need your prayers. Thanks for caring.

Jacque

The leaves are almost all on the ground now. The late hangers-on will only slowly give them up. It is good to be back home in West Virginia. Now whenever we say the name of our state I think of our grandchildren and the permutations of their pronunciation of West Virginia; it is a mouthful for a little child. The 3 year olds cannot grasp that we are not able to come over to their house to see them because we are far away in “Wessperginia”.

Though we miss all our children and grandchildren and would love to be nearer them, we cannot now. We know God has called us to live here in “Wessperginia” until such time as He indicates otherwise, until He releases us. As Randy says, we are under orders. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. To serve the King above all, and have His blessing on our lives; what more can we ask? We do harm to ourselves and those we love if we think we can live our lives our own way and still have God’s smile on us. I’ve seen that too, and it is heartbreaking. As much as I’d love to live near my children and grandchildren, I love them too much to cease to be in a position in which I can effectively pray for them, if to live near them meant I “thumbed my nose” at the call of God on my life. And so it is for every believer. Whatever is dear to us must never come before Jesus and His call to obedient service. If we try to hold onto them, we will lose them, whether things or people. Amazingly, in God’s economy, what we give up for His sake and the kingdom, we gain back, and God makes clear in His word, with interest.

I will have all eternity to share with those I love. But I only have now, this day, this lifetime, to answer God’s call to serve Him here and now. And my obedience now will affect that eternity. My “now” will affect how I am able to serve Him “then”.

So, having said all that, I am happy to be back home in West Virginia! Ah, so much to do. I am slowly getting caught up and moving ahead both with tasks for Mustard Seeds and tasks at home. I am striving not to become overwhelmed.

One of my “home” tasks is to organize all the photos I took on our cross country trip, driving our car home from CA to WV in early October. It was a great time of seeing wonderful sights along our route and spending time with good friends along the way. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to visit everyone we know who lives along the route we took, let alone those who live in adjacent states, or we would have taken much longer to get home. But it was good to see those we did visit. God used those times, I believe, to encourage us all. We are grateful for the time with friends and the safety God gave us in our thousands of miles of travel.

One of the many tasks for Mustard Seeds I will be attending to this fall is furnishing the 3 upstairs bedrooms in the Manse, Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ headquarters. You may recall about 3 years ago we first started talking about furnishing these rooms. Well, we are stepping out in faith to go ahead with purchasing all the beds and bedding, chairs, tables, dressers, window treatments, etc., needed for these 3 rooms. Wendy Hammond will be helping me on this project. The purpose of all this is to have these rooms available as alternative housing for families who come up for Mission as Life trips outside our regular summer program, mainly long weekends in the fall and spring.

You may ask, “why is this important?” Mustard Seeds is emphasizing families serving together, putting God’s kingdom priorities at the center of their family life, assisting parents to develop a family lifestyle which will help propel children and parents into lifelong commitments to Christ Jesus and His agenda. We want our children to be more than nice people and good citizens of their country and communities. We want them to be white-hot followers of Jesus, living out His values in this world, and passing them on to the next generation.

Can you see how this ties in with what I was saying earlier about being obedient to God’s call to service? We must love God supremely, above all other loves in our lives. Our love for Him must outweigh our love for our children, parents, spouse, and all others. Then we can truly love them and others as God requires, “as ourselves”, when our “first love” is truly our “First Love”. This is a lifelong pursuit. A never ending choice, made anew every day.

The world shouts at us every day. And at our children. We must counter that with tuning our ears and training our children to tune their ears to the voice of Wisdom, as Proverbs personifies the voice of God. We have His word. We must hear it and put it into practice. Live authentic Christian lives.

So let’s pray for each other. Please pray for my continued strength (for which I thank God every day), my continued healing from cancer and MG, for the ability to continue chipping away at my “To Do” list and not allow myself to get overwhelmed. And I will pray for your health and welfare, for the voice of God to ring clear in your ears as much as in mine, for the guidance of God’s spirit to teach us to live authentically in His likeness.

Also, please pray for our newest grandson, Jaime Elias Wallace. We learned today he has developed colic, is not gaining weight and is crying more. He was doing so well when we left CA early October and has since started this. It is also a strain on mommy with 2 other children.

I appreciate you so much. Thanks for being a friend.

Jacque

We’ve been in California for 3 weeks, I’ve kept all my doctor appointments and made appointments for several months from now when I will return to continue the cycle of medical follow ups. Cancer treatment doesn’t just end abruptly after surgery and chemo and radiation. It goes on for years, going back to see the doctor(s) as they monitor the recovery and health of their patients. I started taking a pill a year ago which I will continue to take four more years. Even though I am “cancer free”, to the best of our knowledge, staying cancer free is a part of the total package; cancer treatment involves not only killing cancer cells now but keeping them at bay so there is no recurrence of cancer. So I keep praying, laying that need in the lap of God, my heavenly Father.

I don’t dwell on the reality of living with cancer in the background of my life. I couldn’t live fully that way. It’s the same with the MG I’ve lived with for over 45 years; if I constantly think about it, it becomes a mental prison in which I restrict my own freedom to live. Cancer and MG are real entities which affect my life in some (very real) respects, but we are made by God to live, not just survive. In the most horrendous physical condition, one can be very much alive, that is, fully engaged in living life. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in others and my usual inner response is amazement and deep respect for the one who shines so brightly in my vision. In my own experience with MG, I know this to be true. More depends on the state of our minds and hearts than on the state of our bodies. Anyone who has suffered anything in their body can nod in the affirmative to that!

So watch out, if you talk to me about “quality of life”! Much of life is what we make of it. Without a doubt, though, it sure helps to be surrounded by loving and affirmative relationships with others. People are very important to the well being of others. Good relationships contribute very much to the positive attitudes needed to live happily.

Though I don’t dwell on the problems facing me, I don’t ignore or deny their reality, either. My weakened heart condition is certainly not something I want to ignore. I try to do what is best for my physical welfare. When I am faced with the scariness and fears of my various conditions, I run real fast to my Abba Father. I cry out to Jesus, often with tears, knowing He understands. I give over my fears to Him as often as they come up in my mind, because I know I cannot handle them on my own. Living within the realm of one’s limitations isn’t necessarily limiting, rather, it is freeing. Accepting things as they are frees me to fully live, focusing on what is possible, not on what is not possible. This also frees me to be thankful for what is, and get over what isn’t. Would I like to hike the mountain trails? Sure! But since I cannot, I’m not going to moan and cry over it. Instead, I am happy as a clam to be able to walk, to see, to hear! And I will make the most of it.

Tomorrow, Wednesday, September 30, we leave California and start our drive cross country to West Virginia and home, stopping along the way to visit with friends in Arizona and Colorado. One of our stops will be with Amanda and Christian Hartman in the mountains of Colorado. They worked with us on staff at Mustard Seeds and Mountains, met and married there, in fact. We sort of feel responsible…! What a wonderful way to meet one’s mate, serving the Lord. Now they are building their family and we get to meet the two younger children, having met their first child when they were visiting WV a few years ago. It is a joy to my heart to know children are being raised in loving, godly homes.

Much of October will be travel for us. October is one of our favorite months of the year, too. We’ll have to do as much “time” on the porch as we can possibly squeeze in while home in Elkhorn, WV. It is therapeutic, that porch sitting. Our porch, a gift from God….

Hope you can enjoy some “porch” time, too,

Jacque

Medical tests, doctor’s appointment, with more to come. Living and visiting with family members, playing with grandchildren, being on hand for the birth of our 4th grandchild, spending time with friends from church. These are some of the things I have been doing the past couple of weeks since Randy and I flew to California Labor Day weekend.

Have I mentioned the 3 digit temperatures? But what wonderful times when it has been “cooler” in the evenings, or early mornings when I go for my daily walk. Today it is hot but clear; you can see the surrounding mountains and they are always inspiring to me. And it is always a joy to see blue sky when you live in southern California!

I learned at my first doctor’s appointment, which was with my cardiologist, that my heart has not improved very much. It was damaged by the Herceptin which targets a receptor on the cancer cells, hence my oncologist’s decision to discontinue it, and the reason I could go back home earlier in the summer than first anticipated. The force with which the heart pumps blood is called the ejection fraction and mine had declined to 30-35%. Not good. It now is at about 40%. So my cardiologist is keeping me on my current regimen of 3 different heart medications. She also mentioned some fluid around the heart but I do not know how serious it is in my case. Please continue to pray for healing of my heart.

I also had a bone density test done (something I have had annually for several years) and will find out the results Monday. This is important because for over 10 years I have had to take Fosamax off and on to build bone, due to long term Prednisone use for the MG (myasthenia gravis), one of the side effects of which is loss of calcium leading to osteoporosis. Danger of this disease is enhanced now because of the cancer treatment. This is one reason I must walk every day. Please pray for strengthening of my bones.

I learned last week that my oncologist is on 2 month medical leave so I will be seeing another doctor who is seeing his patients for him. Please pray for Dr. Godfrey’s healing.

So many unknowns. So many opportunities to trust God. So many promises of God to contemplate, turning them over and studying them as a treasure. I don’t go looking for them to wave in God’s face. But I find them throughout His word and they give me lots to think about, and much comfort.

In my reading of Proverbs I came across something which directly speaks to one of my current needs. In chapter 3 the speaker is admonishing to trust God completely and not trust in one’s own knowledge and understanding. We are to “acknowledge God” in everything, in “all our ways”. I’ve tried to make this part of my life and so when something turns out well in our eyes or we accomplish something, you will often hear me say “Praise the Lord”, by way of giving back to Him the glory for it. I may have done my best in the situation, or others the same, but my hope is not in “my best” nor in the good efforts of others, as needful as those are and which are to be desired and expected. No, no matter how we plan and work toward our goals, the result is from the Lord (Prov. 3:5-6; 16:3). I can always feel good about doing a good job in carrying out my responsibilities, but not to the point of thinking it was all about me, that I carried the day. This is what the wise teacher means by “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones” (Prov. 3:7, 8). To fear the Lord is to humbly accept His teachings, embrace His truth and let it inform (our minds) and transform us (our behaviors). When we live according to His ways, things happen on our behalf which would not otherwise have taken place. And this is definitely to our benefit.

So it is with all His promises; they are always for our best. We don’t get all the “good stuff” without compliance with His will, however. God’s promises are not “unconditional”, that is, having nothing required of us in order to receive them. The conditions are always tied to loving obedience to God.

I know God is gracious and merciful, and He sends His rain on the just and the unjust. This is the mercy of God. Lots of times God does good to us and others even when we are not loving and obeying Him. Whether believer or unbeliever in the God of goodness and the goodness of God, God remains true to Himself: He is good, even when we don’t deserve it (Romans 5:8).

But to those who put their faith in Him He offers His “precious and magnificent” promises (II Peter 1:4, NASB). And I cannot help it, I must continue with what Peter said here, “so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust…”. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could just set up camp here and stay awhile! Let these words roll round and round in my mind and try to plumb their depths.

See how this is saying the same thing as Proverbs 3…trust in God, not yourself…fear the Lord…turn away from evil…believe right, live right…it will be health to you! Peter says trust in God, His word; His promises are given so that we may be transformed and escape the corrupting of our souls…the corruption we see in those who refuse the Lord…their lives are desperate and they are being destroyed by their own behaviors (Ephesians 3:18, 19). See how Peter is saying the same thing as Paul when he said God’s plan for each of us is to become like Jesus (Romans 8:29), “partakers of the divine nature”. (Some terminology just blows me away!)

How can we not get excited about all this? It is much bigger than my small life, but my small life is a part of this greater whole. How I relate to God, how I then live out my life is important. No one is overlooked and unimportant in God’s eyes. We are all called to and held to this same high standard. We all will give an account to Him for our lives. In light of this, as Paul says in II Corinthians 5:6-11, “we have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him”.

When we fear the Lord and walk in His ways, we can have the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we can see the “kingdom of God”, the rule of God extended through our lives, affecting the world of people around us.

It is worth it to me to continue to let the Word of God inform my thinking and change my behavior. I will benefit from the promises of God, but an even deeper and more significant change happens in me in the process; I love God more and want to serve Him whole-heartedly…no matter what.

It is in the “no matter what” that we often get to shine brightest for our Lord.

Jacque

Last Wednesday I drove to Charleston for an appointment with my neurologist. I had not seen her in 2 years because of being in CA for breast cancer treatment. She was amazed and delighted at my physical improvement, MG-wise (Myasthenia Gravis, a severe muscle weakness). I have never seen a doctor of mine smile so much during an appointment!

I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)

My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.

To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.

I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.

“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.

Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.

We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!

So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.

I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.

The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.

Jacque

It is quiet around here these days. Not that it is usually noisy, unless a train is going by, but when only one person is in the house there is not much conversation going on, unless I am on the phone or talking to myself. And I usually only talk to myself when I am at the office, I don’t know why.

Randy has been in California the past few days with our sons and families, enjoying playing with the grandchildren. He was there, as I mentioned earlier, because he had an opportunity to drive with our son, Seth, as he moved his (Seth’s that is) mother in law’s belongings across country from Pennsylvania to Colton, CA. They had a safe trip, only one flat on the trailer hauling the car behind the Penske truck, in downtown Las Vegas, and gorgeous vistas all through the mountains of Colorado and on into Utah. Randy said they were taking all kinds of pictures, it was so beautiful. And that was just along the interstate highways (I-70 and I-15). They didn’t even go into any of the national parks.

Randy is flying home today and I pick him up from the airport in Charleston. He will have been gone a week. It was an unanticipated journey, but we are glad he could accompany Seth on that long trip. It is always better to have another person along on such a journey. And it is a joy for us to help our kids. Besides, Randy got to see his grandchildren a few weeks earlier than planned and that was to him, “like Christmas”. Sometimes God gives us these special gifts.

So I have been rattling around in this big house, as a friend commented, the reverse of what had gone on for most of the past year and a half, when I was in California with the children and grandchildren and Randy was here alone in this big old house. I wonder if he talked to himself….

I do not mind being alone, if you are wondering. I like quiet and I am not afraid to be by myself, even at night. But I will be glad when Randy is back. We enjoy being together. God has blessed us with a wonderful relationship and we both are amazed at His kindness to us.

I’ve been reading a little book of two essays by Malcolm Muggeridge, the text of the inaugural addresses he gave back in 1978, of the Pascal Lectures on Christianity and the University, at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada (the book is “The End of Christendom”, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.). Very interesting reading. I need to read Blaise Pascal (1632-1662) on whose writings these lectures were based. Anyway, Muggeridge, toward the end of the first address, says something which resonates with me, not because I identify with his perspective of old age and his particular bodily experience, but I identify with the tenuousness of life, the fragility of life in this body which he speaks of, and the insight gained because of it. Let me quote the passage here for you.

“You know, it’s a funny thing that when you’re very old, as I am, seventy-five and near dying, the queerest thing happens. You very often wake up about two or three in the morning and you are half in and half out of your body, a most peculiar situation. You can see your battered old carcass there between the sheets and it’s quite a tossup whether you resume full occupancy and go through another day or make off where you can see, like the lights in the sky as you’re driving along, the lights of Augustine’s City of God. In that sort of limbo, between being in and out of your body, you have the most extraordinary confidence, a sharpened awareness that this earth of ours with all its inadequacies is an extraordinarily beautiful place, that the experience of living in it is a wonderful, unique experience, that relations with other human beings, human love, human procreation, work, all these things are marvelous and wonderful despite all that can be said about the difficulty of our circumstances; and finally, a conviction passing all belief that as a minute particle of God’s creation, you are a participant in his purposes for his creation and that those purposes are loving and not malign, are creative and not destructive, are universal and not particular. In that confidence is an incredible comfort and an incredible joy.”

Yes! What more is to be said? I know this reality for myself. I have lived enough along the edges of life, being also the edges of death, to know in the deeps of my being the truth of both. We are but a breath. This makes every breath I breathe a gift, special, not to be taken lightly, not to be squandered. God has given me back my life so many times; to me, life, living, means loving God and trying, yes, trying because I am still not very good at it, to love my fellow humans and give them the place in my life I reserve for myself. To love and serve the living God with all I am is all I want to do, to be “a participant in his purposes for his creation”, knowing they are good, that these purposes are something much bigger than “me”. This is worth living for. This makes me get up in the morning.

Even when I feel insignificant, or am tempted to feel that way, when I feel powerless, I am comforted, as Muggeridge notes, because I am part of something much greater than myself. I can with confidence know I have meaning; there is meaning to my life, my existence on this earth. And flows from that, joy. I am free to delight in God’s good world, even when things are not altogether right in the world.

This confidence, this joy and comfort and meaning to life do not flow from within us but are realities only because of the Incarnation, God come in the flesh, in the person of Jesus Christ. Only in embracing that reality, accepting that truth, receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of one’s life, can any of this which Malcolm Muggeridge spoke of and I have been talking about be experienced. Outside of that, you are on your own, and none of the above applies; no confidence that you are part of something which transcends your own existence; no comfort, no joy no sense of meaning in life. All that person can have is what they make up for themselves…and it will die with them.

But while there is breath, there is hope. And I would hope for everyone to take seriously the words and claims of Jesus Christ. He alone holds hope for both this life and the next, time and eternity.

I do not mind being alone, because I am not truly, nor do I feel, alone. My closest companion is the living God, by His Spirit who lives in me. He it is who enables me to delight in His good world, in the beauty of nature around me; to joy in my friendship, companionship, and loving relationship with the husband “of my youth”; to delight in family members and friends; and to know the satisfaction of being occupied with good work. Life is good, because the Giver of Life is Good.

I asked last week for you to pray for my brother, Robert, who had surgery which removed his spleen and part of his pancreas. These problems stem, I believe, from his colon cancer surgery of a few years ago. He has gone home from the hospital and is in pain but improving every day. Please continue to pray for his healing. There are specific conditions which follow this kind of surgery so pray for that complete healing and protection.

Another request I have is for my daughter in law, Monica, Jeremy’s wife, who is carrying their third child and could go into labor at any time. She was supposed to be due in September but is approaching week 36 (next Tuesday, August 25) and the doctor is not sure the baby will wait until then. Her last child (our grandson Emmanuel) came fast and furious; they barely made it to the hospital. So pray for everything to go well, the other 2 children to get to their caregivers quickly (my other son and daughter in law) when the time comes, Jeremy to be there or get there quickly, etc.

Thank you, you who pray for us and these needs I bring up. You bless us.

Jacque

I am a reader. I read books for improvement and entertainment, for relaxation. Currently I am reading the “Pendragon Cycle” by Stephen R. Lawhead, a series of 4 books based on the legend of King Arthur. Now, in case I’m about to lose you, hang in there. This is actually a very well done story and the author has several excellent spiritual truths woven into the story line. Let me tell you about one which I find fascinating, and instructive.

For generations the Britons had been fighting the invading barbarians and there was no peace. The Romans had come to Britain and now were gone, leaving the Brits to fend for themselves. It was an age of Darkness. Local kings had to raise warbands to defend their holdings and their people. They would set a High King over them who would join all the forces of the combined kings, the better to defend the country. They were a nation used to war and bloodshed, to mighty men of war.

In the 3rd book of the series, “Arthur”, a battle is about to take place between hordes of barbarians holed up in an abandoned Roman fort, led by a traitorous British lord, and the warbands of Britain led by Arthur. His forces are woefully outnumbered by thousands. Nonetheless they storm the high sitting fort, its steep slopes strewn with thousands of stones, a deadly way to have to do battle. The barbarians run down upon them, sheer numbers pushing the Britons back and allowing no advancement in the fight. Thousands are slaughtered but the Britons cannot take the wall of the fort. After the first day of battle Arthur’s men retreat to their camp to rest. Things are not going well, not at all.

The second day is the same. At noon they retreat to take a breather and the lords under Arthur meet with him to discuss strategy. Some want to lay siege to the fort and wait for more men. Arthur, as their leader and knowing better, is against it. Merlin approaches (in this retelling he is a former druid bard who is now a Christian, the Soul of Britain, their spiritual leader) and quietly says, “The hill is cursed. There is distress and calamity here. The slopes are treacherous with torment, and disaster reigns over all.” He goes on to recount the tragic history of treachery and betrayal and the battles fought there, and the spirit of evil which has been awakened by the treachery of the current traitorous lord leading the barbarians against his own countrymen.

The quieted lords, hanging on his words, ask what they are to do. Merlin answers, “This battle will not be won by stealth or might. It will not be won by bloodshed alone. The spirit abiding here will not be overthrown except by the power of God.”

The lords are thrown into a dither. They are used to fighting for their right, using force of physical strength to win their battles. The sword and bloodshed is what they are trained in. But trusting God? “What are we to do about that?” they cried.

“We must pray, Lords of Britain. We must erect a fortress of our own whose walls cannot be battered down or broken. A caer (fort) that cannot be conquered. A stronghold of prayer.”

Arthur heartily agrees to do this very thing. The next day before dawn, Merlin is seen climbing the hill of the fort and starts gathering rocks. Arthur goes to bring him back, but ends up joining him in stacking stones. Other lords go up to stop what is going on and end up doing the same thing, and the warriors start flowing out to join them. A wall starts to take shape. When asked what they are doing, Arthur responds by lifting a stone over his head and calling to the men, “What do you see?”. They call back “A stone!”. “No!”, Arthur shouts, “I tell you it is not a stone. It is something stronger than stone, and more enduring: it is a prayer!” He called them to look at all the stones on the steep hillside and see them as prayers. He was gathering the “prayers” to build a wall, a “stronghold to surround the enemy”.

This “picture” of prayer as a stronghold was given physical form as they built the wall which surrounded the whole hilltop fort. Within those walls they fought the enemy. They were trapped within the shoulder high wall as much as the enemy they fought.

Yes, this is a make believe story, one which likely never actually happened. But the author has penned a powerful truth and painted for us a fascinating picture of life as a follower of Jesus Christ. Can you see it?

An enemy has taken what is not his. He is more powerful than we are. We cannot defeat him by our efforts, though we lay down our lives to the last man. As hard as we work, as much as we give, it will not win the battle. We will wear out and finally give out if something doesn’t change.

In the story, Arthur understood that, Merlin voiced it and gave critical insight and pointed wisely to the only solution: trust in the power of God, not the arm of flesh.

Now, you and I know we need to trust God in what we attempt in this life. If we are followers of Jesus Christ we have been called into the fight, made up of many battles, to advance the Kingdom of God, the rule of God on earth in the lives of people. No, no one will be forced against their will to enter the Kingdom of God. But we have an enemy which is adept at deceit, schooled and powerful in lies and deception. This enemy has deluded and blinded humankind. We followers of Jesus are carriers of the Light and as such we have the responsibility to let that Light of truth shine forth so that all may see, and seeing, have the opportunity to leave the darkness and enter the Light.

Prayer to God and reliance on Him must be our first line of defense and attack. Then we can sit back…. What? You say, no, we do not just sit back and watch God do His thing? We must act? Oh, yes, yes, of course. Of course! Our prayers are meaningless if we are not laying ourselves on the line to act, to do the right things to accomplish God’s goals.

On the one hand, we cannot win without faith in God. On the other hand, neither will we win a single battle unless we act, in faith and reliance on and obedience to the living God! These are not mutually exclusive realities. They go hand in hand, hand in glove, heart in chest, however you wish to say it. Faith without works is dead! Works without faith are ineffective!

We must build that wall of prayer, that “stronghold” of prayer surrounding the enemy. Then our “sword swinging” will be effective. We will gain the high fort walls and defeat the enemy. And that’s no Arthurian fantasy.

I don’t know about where you live (just kidding), but where I live there is much spiritual darkness, “there is distress and calamity here. The slopes are treacherous with torment, and disaster reigns over all.” The evil spirits in areas here are awake and busy at work. Do you see it where you live? It is there, make no mistake.

We at Mustard Seeds and Mountains are busy building that wall, that stronghold of prayer against the enemy which occupies the high ground. We cannot do this alone. Many of our friends, our partners in ministry, have joined us over the years in lifting those heavy “stones” of prayer to assist in building that wall around the enemy.

We at Mustard Seeds and Mountains are also busy “wielding the sword” of battle against the enemy forces, though we are far outnumbered, and fenced in by that very wall of prayer we have built. Our work with YEP, the Young Entrepreneurs Project-- mentoring/discipling youth as we teach them business skills; children’s after school tutoring, Bible clubs, girl’s group, guitar lessons, one on one mentoring; home repair for the needy, elderly and disabled-- building relationships and sharing the good news of Jesus while repairing homes; teaching and encouraging volunteer teams which come to share their lives, putting feet and hands to the good news; our faithful donors sending checks to fund the work; these are the “swords” wielded in battle! These are the physical exertions necessary to carry out the commands of Jesus Christ to carry the gospel to our world.

Just the other day Randy called me in to his office to view a video just posted by a church group which had been here for a week doing home repair and Bible clubs (if you are a facebook member go to facebook, groups, search "Soncoast Community Mustard Seeds Missions Trip: West Virginia 2009" Nexthttp://www.facebook.com/s.php?k=200000010&n=-1&init=s%3Agroup&q=soncoast#/video/video.php?v=1197275016291&oid=97188144460). As I watched it I got choked up and started to cry. I was seeing the ministry of Mustard Seeds and Mountains through the eyes of the volunteers who are Mustard Seeds for that week... and I thanked God I am a part of it. We are doing a good thing. We are doing the right thing. I am so happy to be part of doing “some thing” for the Kingdom of God!

Let’s all encourage one another to keep on. Keep building that wall of prayer, keep wielding the sword…“to win for the Lamb that was slain the fruit of His suffering”.

Jacque

Isn’t great we are free to build sandboxes? No one is going to come along and tell us we cannot build one. No one is going to come knocking at our door and arrest us for building a wooden frame and filling it with sand so our children can play in it, making villages and roads, running their little cars over them, spending hours in their imaginary world.

We are truly blessed of God to be able to build sandboxes.

As I read Psalm 119:157 (I am again making my way through the Psalms) I realized I cannot say these words, like the Psalmist could honestly say them, “Many are my persecutors and my adversaries, yet I do not turn aside from your testimonies.” I do not have “many persecutors and adversaries”. Yes, I know we all have the supreme Adversary, Satan. But as to human adversaries coming against me personally, I am unaware of them. Occasionally one might rise up, but “many”? No. I am free to build a sandbox.

But I have been informed that there are many brothers and sisters in the faith of Jesus Christ who can truthfully say, “I have many persecutors and adversaries”. I hear that many are in prisons, many more under oppression in their daily lives, living in fear because they name the Name of Jesus Christ. You have heard of it too, I am certain. I pray for them to be able to say as well, “yet I do not turn aside from Your testimonies”. I pray Jesus come alongside them in their prison cells or homes fraught with fear, and standing with them, pour His strength and peace into them. And I pray for their deliverance from fear, oppression and persecution.

I also pray that should I come to the time when I can say with the Psalmist, “I have many persecutors and adversaries”, that I will also stand tall and say, “Yet I do not turn aside from Your testimonies”, come what may.

Thank God we are free to build sandboxes. But pray for those who are not. And let us live our lives “with them”, as though we were not free to build that sandbox, though we may do it, and prepare ourselves and our children to live strong and stand tall in Jesus, “not turning aside from His testimonies”, should we come to the time we are not free to build a sandbox.

Jacque

I’ve been back home in West Virginia for two weeks. It is wonderful. It is beautiful here with the trees in full leaf, flowers blooming, and everything in growth mode. One of the first things I did after arriving home was to plant a tiny garden. Randy dug the holes and I planted and laid black plastic (my major effort at weeding).

We are busy making changes in our house to “downsize” without moving to a smaller place, so everything is in chaos (Randy had hoped to have this all done before I came home from CA, but I came home sooner than expected) but we are surviving the mess and soon we will have order again. The changes are creating the need for an adjustment on our part, but we will make them.

I must walk every day so Randy and I sometimes go for a morning walk together in the bottom, talking and praying together; we sometimes sit on our porch, taking a break from whatever we are doing, to enjoy the beauty, sharing thoughts or events of the day. Or talking about our grandchildren. That always brings smiles. I am quickly adapting to these activities!

I have been getting my work caught up in the Mustard Seeds and Mountains office, across the road from our house, as well as attending staff meetings again. Like old times. I see many projects I can do to contribute to the functioning of the organization, things which have gone undone for years simply because none of us on staff, including myself, had the extra time to devote to them. I’m still pacing myself, both at work and home, so as not to overdo. So usually what I think will take a week to get done may take more time. But things get done.

And things are getting done through our summer Home Repair ministry, mission trips officially called Mission as Life, which are going full bore now. We are entering our 3rd week of volunteers coming to McDowell County from outside the state to work for several days assisting widows, the elderly, disabled and needy families make needed repairs to their homes. Some of these are re-roofing, scraping and painting the exterior of houses, and all kinds of interior repairs. These are not remodeling jobs but improvements and repairs which make a person’s home livable and safe.

There is another kind of work going on while paint brushes are swiped and hammers are slung. The individuals whose homes are worked on, the volunteer team members doing that work, and our summer staff are all challenged, encouraged and stretched spiritually as they encounter God in new ways. No one goes away the same as they came. It is our prayer that each one recognize the voice of God and obey Him, see the face of Jesus in the people around them and serve Him, and take these powerful truths home with them and let God continue to transform them. This is what Mustard Seeds and Mountains is about and we are privileged and thankful and to a part of it.

Thanks for your prayers!

Jacque

I feel like the other “shoe dropped”, so to speak. When my oncologist told me about a month ago that he was stopping further Herceptin treatments due to my weakened heart condition and ordered my port-a-cath removed, there was an ominous sense of finality to his words. No more doing anything intravenously for (or rather against) cancer. No more infusions as protection against cancer recurrence, no more chemotherapy of any kind. I am done. It was a little scary. Like taking away a security blanket I didn’t realize I had.

Last Thursday, one year almost to the day of its insertion, I had the port-a-cath removed under local anesthetic in the doctor’s office. I drove myself back to my son and daughter-in-law’s home and rested. It, thankfully, was not a big ordeal. God gave me the ability to relax and not fear the procedure. And the doctor was right, it did take only 15 minutes.

A funny side-light is that when the surgeon removed the port-a-cath, she asked, “Would you like to see what’s been in there?” in my chest wall just below my collar bone, and before I could answer, she held it up for me to see! It looked like a tiny 1 1/2” white flying saucer with a big dark red “eye” on the top and a long white tube hanging from the bottom. Now, having grown up in a surgeon’s home, listening to dinner table talk of surgical procedures and other doctor type fix ups, I was not “grossed out” and no I didn’t get sick or faint! I was surprised though, and inwardly chuckled that she actually did that!

People always said this surgeon is very good at what she does and I think she herself is so fascinated with the whole surgical process, and loves her work so much that she likes to “share” her enthusiasm with others! It’s nice to know your doctor is really into her work!

Now, as I heal up from that little surgical procedure, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally moving on to what is ahead for me. As I wind up things here, saying good-byes at church, packing and spending time with kids and grandkids, I have been experiencing a broad range of emotions, yet God is giving me grace to be ok with each aspect of leaving and going back home that I must deal with.

On my last visit with the oncologist I brought in some Entenmann’s desserts for the chemo nurses, the receptionists and the office gals and doctor. I have appreciated them all very much. One thing I really like about my cancer doctor is that though he treated my breast cancer as an expert in that field, his approach to patients is that they are whole people, not just cancer patients. What I mean is, he realizes his cancer patients have lives, interests, and other physical conditions, which play into their whole being. When I had my appointments with him, he sometimes asked me about West Virginia, coal mining there, and other things like that, showing genuine interest in the topics he asked about. He is expert in cancer, but he has other interests himself, which we could discuss together.

What really impressed me was when he commented on how much my myasthenia gravis had improved since I’d been there undergoing breast cancer treatment. He is interested in how and why that has taken place. What are the correlations between the cancer fighting drugs used with me and the improvement in this autoimmune disease (MG)? I, myself, find these same kinds of things fascinating. He is truly a man of medicine, with an interest in the whole person, in how the body functions and the whys and wherefores of sickness and healing. I really like that! It resonates with me. I am glad I have him as my cancer doctor.

My follow up appointments with the oncologist will be spread out to every 4 months for the next 3 years, instead of every 3 months. That cuts down on the amount of travel but it is still a lot. The up-side of course, is seeing our family out here. They are our heart’s joy and delight, just like Proverbs talks about. We are so thankful for our sons and daughters-in-law, and I’ve said it so many times you have it memorized by now! But it is true. God has poured out his blessing on us and we are truly grateful.

Future visits to California will also include seeing my friends here at the church. Tuesday evening the ladies who make up the Thursday morning ladies’ Bible study I’ve been attending for the past year or so held a potluck supper at the church as a farewell to me which was so nice. They wanted to say goodbye in a special way and since I wasn’t able to make it to the last two Thursday meetings (yes, doctor’s appointments!) they came together that evening. It is all very humbling and I feel blessed of God to have these special ladies as my friends.

I also am making more friends within the Prayer Partners at church and those who have felt God’s call to join together in united, corporate prayer for the needs of our church, community and world. We plan to extend this call to the church body for our upcoming monthly meetings. These are wonderful women and men who love the Lord and believe in the power of God to answer prayer. I look forward to getting to know them better when I am out here in CA in future months. I fully expect God to do, yes, wonders, through his people here as he leads them in prayer to accomplish his purposes. This is exciting.

And I do look forward to once again joining my special friends, my Mustard Seeds family, back in West Virginia. I am persuaded we are about God’s Kingdom work at Mustard Seeds and Mountains. This is our heart passion and our pursuit. Each one of us with our different personalities, our different perspectives, insights, gifts and passions makes up a wonderful mix which, by God’s grace working in us, has been able to express the beauty of God’s idea: unity in diversity, operating by love.

I feel privileged to be a part of this work of God, for I truly believe that is what it is. God called Randy and me to this work. He has led us step by step over the past 17 years of Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ existence. He has faithfully provided everything needed to do the work. And we often stand humbled and amazed that God has been at work among us, even when we didn’t know it and wondered if we were “accomplishing” anything of lasting value.

And now I am heading back “into the fray” so to speak! No, not a place of dread but a place of anticipation of more of God’s working among those we serve, both local families and volunteers who come to serve for a week at a time in this busiest of seasons of ministry, summer Home Repair. And God is at work in the staff of Mustard Seeds too, both summer college interns and high school students, and our long term, full time staff with whom I live year round.

I am going back to my own home, to make a home with Randy, for it is just a house without each other in it…together. And I also love the simple things of life; I plan to plant a garden. I love to see things grow. Life. It is good.
To be continued….

Jacque

I’m going home. This thought, “I’m going home, I’m going home”, made me cry the other night as I was getting into bed, tears of thankfulness to God for all his goodness to me, and now I get to “resume” my life in West Virginia.

It is funny, but I almost feel like I have 2 lives, but what it is in reality is “my life”, being lived out wherever I am. I have made friends here in the church and I will miss them. I look forward to coming back to be in ladies’ Bible study, and prayer groups, Wednesday night Bible study, and even going out for lunch with a friend or daughter-in-law, deepening these relationships. I am privileged to see and be a part of the beginnings of a prayer movement (and I am trusting it will become that!) in our church; to me this is so exciting, especially as I am convinced it is the moving of God’s spirit. I have spent time with my sons and daughters-in-law and love them dearly; I cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed I feel (and Randy does, too) at God’s goodness to us through our children. I’ve had hours to give my attention to the three amigos, my current grandchildren (soon to be 4), both in play time and ordinary living time; these are the relationships which will affect the future, so much unspoken and yet-unrealized power and potential. And then there is all God’s provision for every aspect of my life over the past 18 months. God is Sovereign, as our Pastor reminded us today, and he knows what he is doing, even when we don’t and the present hurts.

Now I am coming home…my West Virginia home. When I was back there in April I bought 2 T-shirts with “West Virginia” written on the designs. I guess I am becoming a WV Hillbilly after all! And proud of it, by golly!

I fly home Saturday June 13. I can’t wait to see Randy at the Charleston airport, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me too, so happy to be together again. This is why I married him…to be with him. This year we do get to celebrate together our 36th year of wedded bliss (with all the ups and downs and good and bad of 2 imperfect people who love each other living together), when up until 2 days ago we didn’t expect I’d be home on time. When little things like that happen (and they are little in significance in the warp and woof of life and God’s grand scheme) I always feel like God is looking down smiling as he pulls his surprise for us from behind his back. He does give us the desires of our hearts, both little ones and big ones. He’s so kind and good.

So I only have 2 more weeks to get everything together and still make the most of every hour with my little people, my grandchildren. I have 3 doctor’s appointments this week alone, the most serious being the removal of the port-a-cath from my upper left chest wall. I will be seeing the surgeon in her office on Thursday morning at 11 am (Pacific time, folks, which being interpreted is 3 hours earlier than Eastern-style time) and I agreed to only local anesthetic. No other anesthesia (what was I thinking!). It is a little scary to me but I am asking God to help me relax…and that it won’t hurt much! But the surgeon said it is much easier to remove the port than insert it and I should be able to drive myself home afterwards. So, needless to say, I really appreciate your prayers for me! Pray it really will go quickly and smoothly (she did have some trouble when inserting it; small veins or something) with a minimum of pain and tension (!) on my part.

Last update I asked you to pray for God’s provision for all the travel I will need to do over the next few years going back and forth to CA for follow up visits with the oncologist. Please continue to ask God for that, but I wanted to share that he has already begun to answer for these needs; a friend sent me a certificate which took $200 off my first round trip booking for my next visit to CA! God has provided through friends and family over the past 18 months for other flights and in other areas of need and special gifts and we, amazed at their generosity to us (thank you guys, you and the Father know who you are!) continue to bless the name of the Lord and put our trust in him to continue to provide, through a multitude of means. God is so creative, he never fails to surprise us with the ways in which he accomplishes what he determines to do. When you seek to walk by faith in this great God you never know what to expect next! Oh, except for one thing; we can be sure he will be right there with us.

I will need your prayers for my adjustment to living back in my own home again, doing what every woman is called upon to do to run her household ( and I have a whopper of a house!). I need to be sure to pace myself and not overdo. I am more aware of giving myself permission to take it easy since my heart is not working on all cylinders (that’s for you guys reading this). When the cardiologist refers to my condition (the heart not able to pump the blood at normal rates, 30% compared to twice that percentage) as “heart failure”, yes, it does give me pause…the words “heart” and “failure” in the same phrase tends to do that to one. The oncologist is confident this will reverse itself (I had a normal echocardiogram in January of 2008 before I went into cancer surgery) and go back to normal but I do not take anything for granted. I ask you to continue to join me in beseeching our Father to heal the problems of my heart. I also have premature heart beats which need to normalize as well.

Another area for which I need your prayers…I have found it hard to concentrate and organize my thoughts. Perhaps this is something which will correct itself as I get off certain meds, I don’t know. But again, I am asking God to help me with it because there are things (hey, most of life) which I am called upon to do which call for the ability to put thoughts into an organized from to make a chain of thoughts, if you will, so I can accomplish what I need to do. Well, I’m not sure that made any sense but God knows what I mean!

One area I haven’t made much of a “dent” in is compiling my various writings into an organized form (the “O” word again, and I’m not talking about Oprah) so I can fill in the gaps and start publishing my “story” and other writings as so many have encouraged me to do. I really need your prayers for this! Thanks again. I anticipate the “flow” of strength and ability in answer to prayer.

One more prayer request, while I have your ear; you know I will take advantage of this forum to seek prayer for others! My son Jeremy, who, by the way, had a safe time in and going to and from Europe a few weeks ago, pulled muscles and ligaments in his back and is in pain and unable to walk without assistance. He went to the ER yesterday and will see his doctor this week. Please pray for his healing, with no long term effects from this injury. Pray he is able to get back to work quickly. I cannot tell you how much it means to be able to share needs with you and know prayer is going up for them. Thank you so much.

The journey continues, ever expanding in potential for ministry to others. May I grab each opportunity and make the most of it, and may the Lord be glorified through me by whatever means.

Jacque

I know you’ve been waiting to hear how my Monday, May 11, appointment went with the oncologist. He reviewed my echocardiogram results and since there was no improvement to my weakened heart, even after a rest of 6 weeks (from infusions of Herceptin) and since the Herceptin is the cause of the weakening of my heart, he decided to completely discontinue the Herceptin. Though the usual course of administration of Herceptin is 12 months, and I have only had 7 months, he feels I’ve had a sufficient amount to give me added protection against recurrence of the breast cancer. I am not trusting in that though. My hope is in the Lord, to whom we all have cried out for healing. I have a lot of confidence in my doctors here. They are some of the best, as are the nurses. I am extremely thankful for them all, and that my treatment could be here. But my hope will always be in God alone.

So what does all this mean? Well, after some tests, the surgical removal of the port-a-cath in my chest (through which the infusions were administered), another visit to the oncologist in 3 weeks, and a raft of other doctor follow-up appointments (right now I count 9 appointments, not including the surgery, in the next 5 weeks!), I will be free to go home! I am waiting to find out the date of the surgery for the port-a-cath removal and hope to make flight arrangements to go home around the latter part of June.
I would appreciate your prayers for this surgery. I will probably have the local and twilight types of anesthesia like a year ago when I had the port-a-cath placed. The difference now is that my heart is weaker and I do not know if that will affect anything. Let’s pray it doesn’t.

Another issue is that for the next 2 years I must be back here for follow-up visits with my oncologist every 3 months. Then for a couple of years it will be every 4 months, then 6 months, and so on. So there will be a lot of flying to and from California. Pray for God’s provision for that.

I realized this morning that I am under more stress than I was aware of. As Randy said recently, I’ve gone through a lot over the past 18 months, from the diagnosis of my breast cancer in December 2007, decisions of where to get treatment, fear of cancer and fear of how I would tolerate treatments because of the MG, changing residences from WV to CA and living in others’ homes, going through 2 surgeries, 2 chemotherapy regimens, losing my hair and slowly gaining it back, radiation and ongoing Herceptin infusions, and everything else medical with it, months of separation from Randy, to the joys of being with children and grandchildren, and even new friends and ministry in the local church. Now I’ve had the brakes put on suddenly and must shift gears to prepare myself for leaving all this to go back and resume my life in West Virginia; it is taking an emotional toll.

When I left the oncologist’s office after learning this was the “wrap” call for my cancer treatment (other than the next several years of follow-up visits and taking a pill for 5 years), I would have “waves” of emotion roll over me; I would think, “I’m going home” and grin and get choked up and teary eyed. Then when I think about leaving my grandchildren for months at a time, I also get choked up! Or I’ve had “bubbles” of emotion rise suddenly to the surface, so to speak, and take me by surprise, notably impatience and vexation, “Whoa! Where’d that come from?”. Well I think God is gently letting me see that I need to recognize this emotional reality and learn to live with it. For me that means pulling back to solitude as much as I can. That is how I am wired. It is good to know these things and I am thankful I have learned that much about myself. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, even when you may not know what I need at any given time; God does know.

So amidst all I have to do between now and the time I actually board a plane for WV, I will attempt to stay aware of my emotional needs and make the necessary adjustments, the allowances needed so that I can stay in a state of equilibrium spiritually, which will mean health physically as well.

I pray I will not get overwhelmed with all that I need to do. My prayer times are often times of crying out to God, thanking him, praising him for his mercy and compassion, his goodness to me. For all the good things and especially the people in my life. Oh how God has poured out his grace and mercy on me! I just want my life to express his strength and joy…that is, that I would live my life as a song of praise to God, full of faith in him, bringing him joy, which in turn is my strength.

Be strong in the Lord. You encourage me. May I in turn encourage you.

Jacque

Time flies when you are having fun and my 5 weeks in West Virginia, in my home and with the love of my life (Randy, in case you don’t know!) just flew by. It was great being with my friends and “Mustard Seeds family” (the staff at Mustard Seeds) and chatting with neighbors and other community members. It was good to be with our friends in our missional community, a home church we attend each week. Basically it was nice to connect again with the people in my life in West Virginia.

Another enjoyable aspect of visiting home again was the beautiful scenery. In springtime flowers, shrubs and trees start blossoming and I got to get in on some of that. It was great! I am a gardener at heart and greatly enjoy growing things, even if it is a concession to the wild plants (weeds) which take over in parts of the yard. Some of them do have their own beauty; our cultivated plants started out the same way. West Virginia is a growing state, at least in the variety and volume of trees, shrubs and flowers!

While home I did keep busy yet I think I paced myself pretty well. I am learning. And with this heart condition (weakened heart due to Herceptin) I am more aware of being careful not to overstress my heart.

So, you are probably wondering how my heart echo test went on May 8, after arriving back in CA. Well, it showed no change; my heart has not improved. Neither has it gotten worse, thank the Lord. The cardiologist has started me on third heart medication. Though I was to see the oncologist on May 8, as well as the cardiologist, that appointment was rescheduled to Monday, May 11. At that time he will review the test results (which he ordered) to determine if we should continue the Herceptin infusions. I have a very strong suspicion he will continue to postpone the Herceptin but I am not familiar with how they routinely deal with this situation. I have been in a holding pattern since March 27 and will continue until I am told otherwise. I am so thankful for the peace and grace of the Lord!

Since being back in my California home, I’ve tried to make the most of my time with the grandchildren, knowing that in a few months I will be going back to West Virginia and will not have this opportunity with them. These months have been a gift to us of being with our children and these little grandchildren, who are growing up before our eyes. I’ve said before that if I didn’t have these families to come to out here in CA while going through treatment for almost a year and a half, it would be very, very difficult to leave Randy and my home in West Virginia. But God has blessed us abundantly!

One of the exciting things going on out here is that God is using me to “kick start” a time of corporate prayer in the church we attend. A small group has met three times, once monthly, and while I was in WV the group that met was the largest to meet to that point. I am currently in contact with a young woman of that group (most are already involved as “Prayer Partners” in the church, ministering through prayer, though on an individual level) and we will be meeting soon to get to know one another better. I will share my vision of seeing the group extend into the greater church body over time, getting God’s people meeting together on a regular basis for corporate prayer.

I firmly believe the church needs to teach and practice praying together. We certainly have scriptural precedent for this. And we read of God’s powerful answers to the church in prayer. My desire is to see this replicated in this local body of believers. I have moved slowly into this, feeling God is behind it. It will be up to the people of this body of believers to carry on the vision when I am no longer here. Pray God opens the way to effectively communicate this vision and for receptivity to it, to the end the body will be built up and God glorified through them in new ways.

So I would appreciate your prayers for me not only for continued healing of all that is wrong in my body (MG, cancer, heart weakness) but for the ministry God has laid on my heart for God’s people here in Colton at Centerpoint Church . And of course, I am still very much engaged in ministry in WV, through responsibilities with Mustard Seeds and prayer for the people we are called to there.

Thank you once again for walking with me and upholding me and Randy in this very long journey!

What do an April snowstorm and a bear in the yard, and cancer and MG have in common? Me! I’ve experienced all of the above, and just recently. It is also reflective of life in general: you never know what may happen next. What an adventure!

Well, to pick up where my last update left off, I saw my oncologist Friday, March 27 and he said the Herceptin was causing the weakening of my heart and withheld the infusion for that day until I have a repeat heart echogram. That will be done May 4 and I will see the oncologist again May 8 for his determination, after seeing the test results, of when I restart the Herceptin. Pray my heart will be strengthened.

I flew home to WV on Saturday, March 28 and by the grace of God, I was able to hop a ride on a motorized cart after scooting out of the airplane upon landing at O’Hare in Chicago, and just caught my connecting flight. (Never again will I allow only 45 minutes between flights in that airport!) My experience up to this point of requesting assistance from gate to gate in airports has been abysmal; I always ended up walking anyway because they never got a wheelchair or other conveyance to me in a timely manner. Thankfully I have been able to walk and make my flights (what of the plight of others not so fortunate?). However, if I had not had that ride in O’Hare, I would have missed my flight. Thanks for all who prayed for me and thanks to God.

So I have been back in wild, wonderful West Virginia for almost two weeks. It is good to be home again. I am queen of my own household once again, with all the attendant responsibilities and I am thankful for the strength I’ve had to carry them out. I attend all the Mustard Seeds meetings as well and have been playing hostess to prospective staff visiting this week . (They are looking over the ministry and meeting and talking with our current staff. We are all praying for God’s leading as to whether they should join the staff of M&M.) I am learning to pace myself as I still tire rapidly and often. But a few minutes’ rest and I am back at it. Today I am staying home and taking it easy.

A few days after arriving home my mother and brother from Michigan arrived and we were able to have 3 days together. This was a blessing to us. I last saw my Mom in CA over Mother’s Day week-end last year. I missed her 80th birthday party in Michigan last September because I was still in CA in the middle of chemotherapy.

Since that time my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and now is in the process of making future plans to move from her home of the last 30+ years. In fact, when they stopped to visit here, she was on her way to the Atlanta area to visit another brother who lined up retirement homes for her to look at as options, along with options of living with one of us children, for her future years. We rejoice in the decisions she was able to make while there and now is in process of packing up (and clearing out) her house to move to Roswell, GA by this coming June. Please pray for her continued grace to do all this. We are also praying for her healing of Alzheimer’s. Won’t you join us in that prayer?

Also pray for my brother, Rob, who lives with her, who finishes up his schooling , faces surgery May 12 and then needs to find a job and get settled. These are all things that weigh on my Mom as well.

While I am at the prayer request phase here, let me update a previous request: Joel N. has been declared cancer free and finishes his last chemo next Monday, April 13. Praise God! Let’s pray he stay that way.

Well, we’ve talked about cancer and touched on MG as part of my life, as I learn to cope appropriately with tiredness. So where do the snow storm and bear come in? Just a few days ago a cold front moved in and it began snowing Tuesday afternoon, through the night and all day Wednesday. What a day! We woke up Wednesday morning to snow on the ground and more coming down, covering our daffodils, yellow forsythia, and apple blossoms. And garbage bags strewn across the yard and huge paw prints…our hungry neighborhood bear. It was in April a few years ago we first had one visit us, after another snow storm. Our garbage this time was littering even our neighbor’s yard and the woods behind! The garbage can sits just outside our back door and our bedroom window. I am very glad he/she wasn’t interested in coming into the house for a visit…. Yes, West Virginia is wild…and wonderful.

Since it will not be necessary for me to be back in CA until May 4 I was able to change my return flight from April 22 to May 1, squeezing in an additional week for my stay at home in WV. It is nice to see everyone around here who is a part of my life in WV. I miss my children and grandchildren, to be sure, but as I emailed one son, I said as I looked at our yard I imagined my oldest grandchild (Lourdes), who talks about coming to visit us, playing in the yard, making a special room under the mulberry tree with its drooping branches, playing with the neighbor children her age, and it makes me smile. I look forward to those days when my grand girls and boys can come play in our big yard and tramp the paths in the woods (with us in tow); city kids experiencing the joys of country living in God’s good world.

By God’s grace, in answer to much earnest prayer, I will see those days. Thanks for being a part of my journey….

Jacque

As I drove away from the doctor’s office yesterday I felt like crying. And I did a little. I had just been to the cardiologist who gave me the results of 3 heart tests I had done two weeks ago. I already knew I have irregular heartbeats and was put on an alpha and beta blocker medication (switched from just a beta blocker), but the tests also showed my heart is weak and functioning at 35 % rather than a much higher percentage. So I was also put on another heart med, an ACE inhibitor. It will take several weeks and even months to regulate the dosages to do what we want them to do at levels I can tolerate. So I felt my throat tighten up and I silently cried out to the Lord as I drove away.

I am thankful to find out the problems going on with my heart. As I said in a previous update, I have had irregular heartbeats off and on for years and no doctor I mentioned it to, when it flared up, seemed to think it serious. Maybe it wasn’t back then. Apparently it is now. My cardiologist said she doesn’t know if the weakening of my heart is related to the chemotherapy I received (there are 2 drugs which I did receive that can cause heart problems). Before my cancer surgery last February I had heart tests done and they came back normal. My current test results are being sent to my oncologist. I see him tomorrow, Friday, March 27, at which time I also have another infusion of Herceptin.

I am not overburdened with this news but I am saddened. A feeling of mild sadness lays on me. I think it is similar to what the psalmist may have felt sometimes when he would say, “How long, Lord?”. I really can’t describe my feelings. I only know how I respond to my feelings, and that is to cry out to God, who hears. Sometimes I don’t even have words; I don’t even know what I am feeling to be able to form words. But that is ok, because he listens to my heart. I don’t need words. He gives me peace. I am praying and asking God to heal me of these conditions, strengthen my heart and regulate the beats.

Today I got good news after I went back to the cardiologist’s office for a test of the electrical impulses of my heart; I passed! The reading on this test was normal. It’s nice to be ‘normal’ in some areas! (We could get into an interesting discussion of what is normal….)

Please pray for me as I continue Heceptin infusions, start on heart medicines and fly to West Virginia on Saturday (28th). This last one is a lot more fun than the others! Pray I make all my connecting flights. I have a tight one in O’Hare airport in Chicago. Thanks again to John and Barbara in Taiwan for using their flight miles to buy my ticket! This is a wonderful gift. Bless you both.

Just to update you on previous prayer requests I made: my son Jeremy had a safe and good time in Denmark last week. He spent several days with people who have very little in the way of Christian influence, if any, in their lives and was able to have conversations about God, etc., and express his faith in normal life situations, like saying he’d prayed about something, or praying for someone’s situation (and God answered!). This is all very strange and unusual to Danes as a whole. The young couple who hosted Jeremy are very open to talking about God. They hope to visit CA in the fall and want to visit the church Jeremy attends because his description of what goes on blew them away. Few there attend church. ‘Church’ to them is for a few old people. Pray for A and M, Jeremy’s Danish hosts, that they will remain open to God’s spirit and come to know Jesus Christ and be his committed followers.

Monica’s eye seems to be improving. Joel N. continues with chemotherapy for cancer. Continue to hold them both up for healing and grace and thank you for praying for them.

A praise: our son Seth, a first year science teacher, completing his master’s degree in education, was spared a ‘pink slip’ from the school district. Many were going to be getting those and lose their jobs due to budget cuts. God protected his job, to the delight, amazement and joy of all of us concerned. This is especially significant in light of the fact that he is now the sole wage earner in the family. Melissa has been able to stay home with Caleb after she was laid off last fall. God is good.

Let me say that again. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good.

Jacque

This was a week of tests. Heart tests. No, not emotional heart tests! The real thing. The thumping organ in our chests heart, without which we cannot live. I had previously mentioned I was having irregular heartbeats and went to the doctor to get checked out. I saw the cardiologist a couple weeks ago and just finished up 3 tests this week she ordered for me. In a couple more weeks I will see her for the test results. She will also send these test results to my oncologist. I am praying that if there are any serious issues they will be found, and then that God will heal them.

Every day I put myself into God’s hands, not primarily because I am suffering from serious diseases and have a desperate need for him, but because I love him and want to live my life for his glory. Why? He bought me back from the stranglehold of sin and death at tremendous cost, the blood of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I do not belong to myself; I belong to God. So that is why I consciously give myself back to him.

I must not come to God just for my needs to be met. That would be self serving. One may initially come that way, to get a desperate need met. Most of us do. God is compassionate and gracious and extends himself to us to meet us where we are. But having been touched by his mercy and grace, we should move beyond only seeking for ourselves to loving and serving the Lord who bought us; we call this spiritual growth. We move from spiritual babyhood to maturity. This takes time, a lifetime.

Times like this “parenthesis” in my life because of physical challenges, and to which we all are subject, can be valuable in our movement in spiritual maturity. In fact, without them we would make little progress forward. Though our tendency is to fear and avoid suffering and difficulties in our lives, these are the very things we need to learn to embrace with joy (yes, that’s what James said!) because we know we can come out better in many ways for it (James 1:2ff; Hebrews 12: 11-13; Romans 5:3ff).

I may not be standing here shouting, “Bring it on!” when it comes to suffering various kinds of trials, yet I am trying to understand and develop a perspective and attitude of trust in my heavenly Father which fosters rest and peace in him whatever comes my way.

Having said that, there is definitely a place and time for seeking the mercies of God for our desperate needs. There are several things on my heart which I want to share with you, of the sufferings and needs of others, so that we can pray together for them. In all our trials we need the encouragement and prayers of each other.

First let me update a previous prayer request. A few weeks ago my daughter-in-law Monica sustained another injury to her right eye, damaging the cornea. Her eye is healing but her vision does get blurry when strained during her work as a nurse. She has been told she will have various problems with her eye for the rest of her life so please pray God heal it completely.

A young man I am deeply concerned for is Joel, the brother of Merilee who is on staff with Mustard Seeds and Mountains. He was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing chemotherapy. He has been very sick so please uphold him fervently. Please pray for Merilee, her family and Joel’s wife as well. This is so hard on all of them. They are walking the dark valley right now and your prayers can bring God’s light and hope to them.

Another request I have is for my son Jeremy. He flies to Denmark tomorrow (Friday March 13) for a little over a week to perform his hiphop/rap music in several venues there. He writes and performs wholesome, thought-provoking songs with messages which touch on universal themes for all people. His music often opens doors to build relationships and share his faith in Christ. Pray for his safety and openness to God’s spirit as he shares in the lives of those who enjoy his music.

Randy will be traveling next week (March 18-23) to Maryland to speak, in fact he will be speaking to groups and meeting with individuals at least 10 times in the few days he will be there. In April he drives to New Jersey to speak in a church and he flies to Montana in May to teach in a YWAM Fundamentals of Christian Community Development school. Please pray for his safety in travel as well as filling of the spirit of God for ministry to those to whom he speaks. Thank God with us for these opportunities and pray God accomplish all he desires.

And I will be flying home to West Virginia March 28, staying through April 22! I am looking forward to that. It will be so nice to see everyone again. Randy said the forsythia bushes are just beginning to bloom so they should be in their full glory while I am there! Forsythias are like floral sunshine; I love them when they bloom in March and April. They are smile makers.

I hope we all can be “smile makers” too.

Jacque

“Turn clocks ahead one hour.” That is a note to self and I put it right by my bedside clock. I have to have notes for everything, in front of my face, or I will very likely forget whatever it was I needed to remember. I have many appointments, especially medical related, and other various and sundry (sounds real Biblical, eh?) responsibilities I have to track, and I’m not even running my own home yet!

I can’t blame chemo-brain for my inability to “multi-task” because it was happening long before the “C” word entered my life. However, I’ve read and heard about articles telling us we shouldn’t be trying to juggle so many objects (responsibilities) anyway, that our brains are not wired to do that well. Something is bound to “drop”. I believe they are right. We are losing our ability to focus and do a task well because we’ve bought into the idea that we have to be doing all these other things at the same time. When everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.

Yet there are things which are true priorities for our lives and we need to identify them and restructure our lives to be sure they have their proper place (that would be Numero Uno, Dos, etc.).

God’s been working on me for a long time on these issues. I’ve had the opportunity since forced to be less active while going through cancer treatment, to take time to do the really important things in life. Spiritual disciplines are easy to skimp on in the midst of a busy routine. We excuse ourselves more than we should, and I have been guilty of that most of my life. I have benefitted from good time in the Word and prayer over the past year, and I want to continue doing what I need to do (it is “discipline”) to nurture my relationship with my Lord as my responsibilities increase.

See, the spiritual disciplines are more than just actions; they are actions designed to train our hearts to know the Lord more deeply. They won’t really work effectively unless we want them to work. Habits of the body and mind are good. But they are not the end in themselves. The end is to have our heart changed to love the living God, continuing to grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ, with the source of our actions (the religious motions we go through) being our heart, not just our minds or bodies.

Traumatic interruptions in our lives, like cancer or other illnesses, economic reversals, you name it, can be doorways to greater understanding and growth when we allow our devastation to be turned to education by God. When we find ourselves flat on our faces before God, because we have been dealt a blow which has knocked us flat and we realize there is no One else to go to but God, we can change the whole tenor of our experience from despair to hope by truly humbling our hearts before the Lord, becoming teachable to whatever he has to teach us. We are already in the proper position.

The trick is to maintain that position of the heart (humility) and actions which support God’s teaching (spiritual disciplines and acts of obedience to God) when we are increasingly encumbered with other responsibilities of life. Do we really believe what we’ve been learning at the feet of Jesus? Or will the other “voices” around us which call for our attention, drown His voice, and give the lie to all we say we believe by the way we actually live our lives. God forbid.

The ladies’ Bible study I attend on Thursdays has been reading through the book of Mark, according to a calendar of New Testament readings for the year our pastor is distributing to encourage reading the Bible (great idea!). This week one of the readings was in Mark 12:29ff. Jesus was asked which was the foremost commandment Moses gave in the Law. Without hesitation (I infer) Jesus rattles off a heartfelt, “ ‘Hear O Israel! The LORD our God is one Lord; and you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ And the second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” (He was quoting from Deuteronomy 6).

When the scribe answered Jesus back he agreed that to do these things was greater than all burnt offerings and sacrifices (our equivalent would be all our church attendance and other religious activity including giving money and volunteering, etc.). Jesus made the fascinating comment that this scribe was “not far from the kingdom of God”.

I’d say this was a pretty strong hint as to what is important to God and therefore what we should make our priorities.

Numero Uno: Love God with all we are; heart (undivided, single hearted, sincere love), soul (deepness of feeling, fervent love), mind (intelligent affection), strength (all our energies, intensity in our affection).
Numero Dos: And love your neighbor as yourself, with the sincerity we have for ourselves and with the same readiness to do and suffer for them as we would reasonably want them to do for us. (Insights from Commentary on the Whole Bible; Jamieson, Fausset and Brown, borrowed from the library across the street. I love libraries.)

Jesus said there were no other commandments greater in importance than these. All of scripture is encapsulated in these two commands. All God’s will for us in contained therein. The doing of these, the working out of these two commands from the lips of God demands our supreme efforts, on a daily basis. It will transform our lives, and our world.

God help us.

Which he has done by sending his spirit into our hearts. And what we term the spiritual disciplines are designed to help us accomplish this, the doing of God’s two greatest commands.

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. We all know we’ve been asleep with the disciples in the Garden, when we’ve been told to “watch and pray” (so we won’t fall into temptation).

If the rebuke fits, wear it…and weep (in contrition, repentance, changing direction). Then get up, slap ourselves a couple times and get busy doing what needs to be done so we don’t fall asleep again. (I am talking in the awkward “group speak” of ‘we’ and ‘ourselves’ because I am including myself in those being spoken to.)

So…here I am, enjoying tremendously the time I have to dig into the Word of God, write notes on my insights, and set aside times for prayer (often in a park with a tremendous view because I love it so). I must determine and hold myself to it with all firmness that as I take on more responsibilities and fill my time with more activities, I will make and keep my priorities straight so I can keep the two Priorities most important to God.

I am teaching my granddaughter, Lourdes (5 years), to do ‘first things first’ when preparing for school (getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing her teeth). Then she will be ready to go and not have to rush at the last minute.

I need to remember to keep ‘first things first’, and build into my life those disciplines which will keep me on the path of daily living out ‘loving God supremely, and loving my neighbor as myself’. Then I will be ready to go when the time comes, whether it is to do something needful at any given moment, or meet my Lord face to face.

There will be no “rushing” at the last minute.

Let's keep praying for one another, holding each other up and holding each other accountable.

Thanks for all your prayers and encouragement!

Jacque