Isn’t great we are free to build sandboxes? No one is going to come along and tell us we cannot build one. No one is going to come knocking at our door and arrest us for building a wooden frame and filling it with sand so our children can play in it, making villages and roads, running their little cars over them, spending hours in their imaginary world.
We are truly blessed of God to be able to build sandboxes.
As I read Psalm 119:157 (I am again making my way through the Psalms) I realized I cannot say these words, like the Psalmist could honestly say them, “Many are my persecutors and my adversaries, yet I do not turn aside from your testimonies.” I do not have “many persecutors and adversaries”. Yes, I know we all have the supreme Adversary, Satan. But as to human adversaries coming against me personally, I am unaware of them. Occasionally one might rise up, but “many”? No. I am free to build a sandbox.
But I have been informed that there are many brothers and sisters in the faith of Jesus Christ who can truthfully say, “I have many persecutors and adversaries”. I hear that many are in prisons, many more under oppression in their daily lives, living in fear because they name the Name of Jesus Christ. You have heard of it too, I am certain. I pray for them to be able to say as well, “yet I do not turn aside from Your testimonies”. I pray Jesus come alongside them in their prison cells or homes fraught with fear, and standing with them, pour His strength and peace into them. And I pray for their deliverance from fear, oppression and persecution.
I also pray that should I come to the time when I can say with the Psalmist, “I have many persecutors and adversaries”, that I will also stand tall and say, “Yet I do not turn aside from Your testimonies”, come what may.
Thank God we are free to build sandboxes. But pray for those who are not. And let us live our lives “with them”, as though we were not free to build that sandbox, though we may do it, and prepare ourselves and our children to live strong and stand tall in Jesus, “not turning aside from His testimonies”, should we come to the time we are not free to build a sandbox.
Jacque
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
I’ve been back home in West Virginia for two weeks. It is wonderful. It is beautiful here with the trees in full leaf, flowers blooming, and everything in growth mode. One of the first things I did after arriving home was to plant a tiny garden. Randy dug the holes and I planted and laid black plastic (my major effort at weeding).
We are busy making changes in our house to “downsize” without moving to a smaller place, so everything is in chaos (Randy had hoped to have this all done before I came home from CA, but I came home sooner than expected) but we are surviving the mess and soon we will have order again. The changes are creating the need for an adjustment on our part, but we will make them.
I must walk every day so Randy and I sometimes go for a morning walk together in the bottom, talking and praying together; we sometimes sit on our porch, taking a break from whatever we are doing, to enjoy the beauty, sharing thoughts or events of the day. Or talking about our grandchildren. That always brings smiles. I am quickly adapting to these activities!
I have been getting my work caught up in the Mustard Seeds and Mountains office, across the road from our house, as well as attending staff meetings again. Like old times. I see many projects I can do to contribute to the functioning of the organization, things which have gone undone for years simply because none of us on staff, including myself, had the extra time to devote to them. I’m still pacing myself, both at work and home, so as not to overdo. So usually what I think will take a week to get done may take more time. But things get done.
And things are getting done through our summer Home Repair ministry, mission trips officially called Mission as Life, which are going full bore now. We are entering our 3rd week of volunteers coming to McDowell County from outside the state to work for several days assisting widows, the elderly, disabled and needy families make needed repairs to their homes. Some of these are re-roofing, scraping and painting the exterior of houses, and all kinds of interior repairs. These are not remodeling jobs but improvements and repairs which make a person’s home livable and safe.
There is another kind of work going on while paint brushes are swiped and hammers are slung. The individuals whose homes are worked on, the volunteer team members doing that work, and our summer staff are all challenged, encouraged and stretched spiritually as they encounter God in new ways. No one goes away the same as they came. It is our prayer that each one recognize the voice of God and obey Him, see the face of Jesus in the people around them and serve Him, and take these powerful truths home with them and let God continue to transform them. This is what Mustard Seeds and Mountains is about and we are privileged and thankful and to a part of it.
Thanks for your prayers!
Jacque
We are busy making changes in our house to “downsize” without moving to a smaller place, so everything is in chaos (Randy had hoped to have this all done before I came home from CA, but I came home sooner than expected) but we are surviving the mess and soon we will have order again. The changes are creating the need for an adjustment on our part, but we will make them.
I must walk every day so Randy and I sometimes go for a morning walk together in the bottom, talking and praying together; we sometimes sit on our porch, taking a break from whatever we are doing, to enjoy the beauty, sharing thoughts or events of the day. Or talking about our grandchildren. That always brings smiles. I am quickly adapting to these activities!
I have been getting my work caught up in the Mustard Seeds and Mountains office, across the road from our house, as well as attending staff meetings again. Like old times. I see many projects I can do to contribute to the functioning of the organization, things which have gone undone for years simply because none of us on staff, including myself, had the extra time to devote to them. I’m still pacing myself, both at work and home, so as not to overdo. So usually what I think will take a week to get done may take more time. But things get done.
And things are getting done through our summer Home Repair ministry, mission trips officially called Mission as Life, which are going full bore now. We are entering our 3rd week of volunteers coming to McDowell County from outside the state to work for several days assisting widows, the elderly, disabled and needy families make needed repairs to their homes. Some of these are re-roofing, scraping and painting the exterior of houses, and all kinds of interior repairs. These are not remodeling jobs but improvements and repairs which make a person’s home livable and safe.
There is another kind of work going on while paint brushes are swiped and hammers are slung. The individuals whose homes are worked on, the volunteer team members doing that work, and our summer staff are all challenged, encouraged and stretched spiritually as they encounter God in new ways. No one goes away the same as they came. It is our prayer that each one recognize the voice of God and obey Him, see the face of Jesus in the people around them and serve Him, and take these powerful truths home with them and let God continue to transform them. This is what Mustard Seeds and Mountains is about and we are privileged and thankful and to a part of it.
Thanks for your prayers!
Jacque
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
I feel like the other “shoe dropped”, so to speak. When my oncologist told me about a month ago that he was stopping further Herceptin treatments due to my weakened heart condition and ordered my port-a-cath removed, there was an ominous sense of finality to his words. No more doing anything intravenously for (or rather against) cancer. No more infusions as protection against cancer recurrence, no more chemotherapy of any kind. I am done. It was a little scary. Like taking away a security blanket I didn’t realize I had.
Last Thursday, one year almost to the day of its insertion, I had the port-a-cath removed under local anesthetic in the doctor’s office. I drove myself back to my son and daughter-in-law’s home and rested. It, thankfully, was not a big ordeal. God gave me the ability to relax and not fear the procedure. And the doctor was right, it did take only 15 minutes.
A funny side-light is that when the surgeon removed the port-a-cath, she asked, “Would you like to see what’s been in there?” in my chest wall just below my collar bone, and before I could answer, she held it up for me to see! It looked like a tiny 1 1/2” white flying saucer with a big dark red “eye” on the top and a long white tube hanging from the bottom. Now, having grown up in a surgeon’s home, listening to dinner table talk of surgical procedures and other doctor type fix ups, I was not “grossed out” and no I didn’t get sick or faint! I was surprised though, and inwardly chuckled that she actually did that!
People always said this surgeon is very good at what she does and I think she herself is so fascinated with the whole surgical process, and loves her work so much that she likes to “share” her enthusiasm with others! It’s nice to know your doctor is really into her work!
Now, as I heal up from that little surgical procedure, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally moving on to what is ahead for me. As I wind up things here, saying good-byes at church, packing and spending time with kids and grandkids, I have been experiencing a broad range of emotions, yet God is giving me grace to be ok with each aspect of leaving and going back home that I must deal with.
On my last visit with the oncologist I brought in some Entenmann’s desserts for the chemo nurses, the receptionists and the office gals and doctor. I have appreciated them all very much. One thing I really like about my cancer doctor is that though he treated my breast cancer as an expert in that field, his approach to patients is that they are whole people, not just cancer patients. What I mean is, he realizes his cancer patients have lives, interests, and other physical conditions, which play into their whole being. When I had my appointments with him, he sometimes asked me about West Virginia, coal mining there, and other things like that, showing genuine interest in the topics he asked about. He is expert in cancer, but he has other interests himself, which we could discuss together.
What really impressed me was when he commented on how much my myasthenia gravis had improved since I’d been there undergoing breast cancer treatment. He is interested in how and why that has taken place. What are the correlations between the cancer fighting drugs used with me and the improvement in this autoimmune disease (MG)? I, myself, find these same kinds of things fascinating. He is truly a man of medicine, with an interest in the whole person, in how the body functions and the whys and wherefores of sickness and healing. I really like that! It resonates with me. I am glad I have him as my cancer doctor.
My follow up appointments with the oncologist will be spread out to every 4 months for the next 3 years, instead of every 3 months. That cuts down on the amount of travel but it is still a lot. The up-side of course, is seeing our family out here. They are our heart’s joy and delight, just like Proverbs talks about. We are so thankful for our sons and daughters-in-law, and I’ve said it so many times you have it memorized by now! But it is true. God has poured out his blessing on us and we are truly grateful.
Future visits to California will also include seeing my friends here at the church. Tuesday evening the ladies who make up the Thursday morning ladies’ Bible study I’ve been attending for the past year or so held a potluck supper at the church as a farewell to me which was so nice. They wanted to say goodbye in a special way and since I wasn’t able to make it to the last two Thursday meetings (yes, doctor’s appointments!) they came together that evening. It is all very humbling and I feel blessed of God to have these special ladies as my friends.
I also am making more friends within the Prayer Partners at church and those who have felt God’s call to join together in united, corporate prayer for the needs of our church, community and world. We plan to extend this call to the church body for our upcoming monthly meetings. These are wonderful women and men who love the Lord and believe in the power of God to answer prayer. I look forward to getting to know them better when I am out here in CA in future months. I fully expect God to do, yes, wonders, through his people here as he leads them in prayer to accomplish his purposes. This is exciting.
And I do look forward to once again joining my special friends, my Mustard Seeds family, back in West Virginia. I am persuaded we are about God’s Kingdom work at Mustard Seeds and Mountains. This is our heart passion and our pursuit. Each one of us with our different personalities, our different perspectives, insights, gifts and passions makes up a wonderful mix which, by God’s grace working in us, has been able to express the beauty of God’s idea: unity in diversity, operating by love.
I feel privileged to be a part of this work of God, for I truly believe that is what it is. God called Randy and me to this work. He has led us step by step over the past 17 years of Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ existence. He has faithfully provided everything needed to do the work. And we often stand humbled and amazed that God has been at work among us, even when we didn’t know it and wondered if we were “accomplishing” anything of lasting value.
And now I am heading back “into the fray” so to speak! No, not a place of dread but a place of anticipation of more of God’s working among those we serve, both local families and volunteers who come to serve for a week at a time in this busiest of seasons of ministry, summer Home Repair. And God is at work in the staff of Mustard Seeds too, both summer college interns and high school students, and our long term, full time staff with whom I live year round.
I am going back to my own home, to make a home with Randy, for it is just a house without each other in it…together. And I also love the simple things of life; I plan to plant a garden. I love to see things grow. Life. It is good.
To be continued….
Jacque
Last Thursday, one year almost to the day of its insertion, I had the port-a-cath removed under local anesthetic in the doctor’s office. I drove myself back to my son and daughter-in-law’s home and rested. It, thankfully, was not a big ordeal. God gave me the ability to relax and not fear the procedure. And the doctor was right, it did take only 15 minutes.
A funny side-light is that when the surgeon removed the port-a-cath, she asked, “Would you like to see what’s been in there?” in my chest wall just below my collar bone, and before I could answer, she held it up for me to see! It looked like a tiny 1 1/2” white flying saucer with a big dark red “eye” on the top and a long white tube hanging from the bottom. Now, having grown up in a surgeon’s home, listening to dinner table talk of surgical procedures and other doctor type fix ups, I was not “grossed out” and no I didn’t get sick or faint! I was surprised though, and inwardly chuckled that she actually did that!
People always said this surgeon is very good at what she does and I think she herself is so fascinated with the whole surgical process, and loves her work so much that she likes to “share” her enthusiasm with others! It’s nice to know your doctor is really into her work!
Now, as I heal up from that little surgical procedure, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally moving on to what is ahead for me. As I wind up things here, saying good-byes at church, packing and spending time with kids and grandkids, I have been experiencing a broad range of emotions, yet God is giving me grace to be ok with each aspect of leaving and going back home that I must deal with.
On my last visit with the oncologist I brought in some Entenmann’s desserts for the chemo nurses, the receptionists and the office gals and doctor. I have appreciated them all very much. One thing I really like about my cancer doctor is that though he treated my breast cancer as an expert in that field, his approach to patients is that they are whole people, not just cancer patients. What I mean is, he realizes his cancer patients have lives, interests, and other physical conditions, which play into their whole being. When I had my appointments with him, he sometimes asked me about West Virginia, coal mining there, and other things like that, showing genuine interest in the topics he asked about. He is expert in cancer, but he has other interests himself, which we could discuss together.
What really impressed me was when he commented on how much my myasthenia gravis had improved since I’d been there undergoing breast cancer treatment. He is interested in how and why that has taken place. What are the correlations between the cancer fighting drugs used with me and the improvement in this autoimmune disease (MG)? I, myself, find these same kinds of things fascinating. He is truly a man of medicine, with an interest in the whole person, in how the body functions and the whys and wherefores of sickness and healing. I really like that! It resonates with me. I am glad I have him as my cancer doctor.
My follow up appointments with the oncologist will be spread out to every 4 months for the next 3 years, instead of every 3 months. That cuts down on the amount of travel but it is still a lot. The up-side of course, is seeing our family out here. They are our heart’s joy and delight, just like Proverbs talks about. We are so thankful for our sons and daughters-in-law, and I’ve said it so many times you have it memorized by now! But it is true. God has poured out his blessing on us and we are truly grateful.
Future visits to California will also include seeing my friends here at the church. Tuesday evening the ladies who make up the Thursday morning ladies’ Bible study I’ve been attending for the past year or so held a potluck supper at the church as a farewell to me which was so nice. They wanted to say goodbye in a special way and since I wasn’t able to make it to the last two Thursday meetings (yes, doctor’s appointments!) they came together that evening. It is all very humbling and I feel blessed of God to have these special ladies as my friends.
I also am making more friends within the Prayer Partners at church and those who have felt God’s call to join together in united, corporate prayer for the needs of our church, community and world. We plan to extend this call to the church body for our upcoming monthly meetings. These are wonderful women and men who love the Lord and believe in the power of God to answer prayer. I look forward to getting to know them better when I am out here in CA in future months. I fully expect God to do, yes, wonders, through his people here as he leads them in prayer to accomplish his purposes. This is exciting.
And I do look forward to once again joining my special friends, my Mustard Seeds family, back in West Virginia. I am persuaded we are about God’s Kingdom work at Mustard Seeds and Mountains. This is our heart passion and our pursuit. Each one of us with our different personalities, our different perspectives, insights, gifts and passions makes up a wonderful mix which, by God’s grace working in us, has been able to express the beauty of God’s idea: unity in diversity, operating by love.
I feel privileged to be a part of this work of God, for I truly believe that is what it is. God called Randy and me to this work. He has led us step by step over the past 17 years of Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ existence. He has faithfully provided everything needed to do the work. And we often stand humbled and amazed that God has been at work among us, even when we didn’t know it and wondered if we were “accomplishing” anything of lasting value.
And now I am heading back “into the fray” so to speak! No, not a place of dread but a place of anticipation of more of God’s working among those we serve, both local families and volunteers who come to serve for a week at a time in this busiest of seasons of ministry, summer Home Repair. And God is at work in the staff of Mustard Seeds too, both summer college interns and high school students, and our long term, full time staff with whom I live year round.
I am going back to my own home, to make a home with Randy, for it is just a house without each other in it…together. And I also love the simple things of life; I plan to plant a garden. I love to see things grow. Life. It is good.
To be continued….
Jacque
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I’m going home. This thought, “I’m going home, I’m going home”, made me cry the other night as I was getting into bed, tears of thankfulness to God for all his goodness to me, and now I get to “resume” my life in West Virginia.
It is funny, but I almost feel like I have 2 lives, but what it is in reality is “my life”, being lived out wherever I am. I have made friends here in the church and I will miss them. I look forward to coming back to be in ladies’ Bible study, and prayer groups, Wednesday night Bible study, and even going out for lunch with a friend or daughter-in-law, deepening these relationships. I am privileged to see and be a part of the beginnings of a prayer movement (and I am trusting it will become that!) in our church; to me this is so exciting, especially as I am convinced it is the moving of God’s spirit. I have spent time with my sons and daughters-in-law and love them dearly; I cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed I feel (and Randy does, too) at God’s goodness to us through our children. I’ve had hours to give my attention to the three amigos, my current grandchildren (soon to be 4), both in play time and ordinary living time; these are the relationships which will affect the future, so much unspoken and yet-unrealized power and potential. And then there is all God’s provision for every aspect of my life over the past 18 months. God is Sovereign, as our Pastor reminded us today, and he knows what he is doing, even when we don’t and the present hurts.
Now I am coming home…my West Virginia home. When I was back there in April I bought 2 T-shirts with “West Virginia” written on the designs. I guess I am becoming a WV Hillbilly after all! And proud of it, by golly!
I fly home Saturday June 13. I can’t wait to see Randy at the Charleston airport, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me too, so happy to be together again. This is why I married him…to be with him. This year we do get to celebrate together our 36th year of wedded bliss (with all the ups and downs and good and bad of 2 imperfect people who love each other living together), when up until 2 days ago we didn’t expect I’d be home on time. When little things like that happen (and they are little in significance in the warp and woof of life and God’s grand scheme) I always feel like God is looking down smiling as he pulls his surprise for us from behind his back. He does give us the desires of our hearts, both little ones and big ones. He’s so kind and good.
So I only have 2 more weeks to get everything together and still make the most of every hour with my little people, my grandchildren. I have 3 doctor’s appointments this week alone, the most serious being the removal of the port-a-cath from my upper left chest wall. I will be seeing the surgeon in her office on Thursday morning at 11 am (Pacific time, folks, which being interpreted is 3 hours earlier than Eastern-style time) and I agreed to only local anesthetic. No other anesthesia (what was I thinking!). It is a little scary to me but I am asking God to help me relax…and that it won’t hurt much! But the surgeon said it is much easier to remove the port than insert it and I should be able to drive myself home afterwards. So, needless to say, I really appreciate your prayers for me! Pray it really will go quickly and smoothly (she did have some trouble when inserting it; small veins or something) with a minimum of pain and tension (!) on my part.
Last update I asked you to pray for God’s provision for all the travel I will need to do over the next few years going back and forth to CA for follow up visits with the oncologist. Please continue to ask God for that, but I wanted to share that he has already begun to answer for these needs; a friend sent me a certificate which took $200 off my first round trip booking for my next visit to CA! God has provided through friends and family over the past 18 months for other flights and in other areas of need and special gifts and we, amazed at their generosity to us (thank you guys, you and the Father know who you are!) continue to bless the name of the Lord and put our trust in him to continue to provide, through a multitude of means. God is so creative, he never fails to surprise us with the ways in which he accomplishes what he determines to do. When you seek to walk by faith in this great God you never know what to expect next! Oh, except for one thing; we can be sure he will be right there with us.
I will need your prayers for my adjustment to living back in my own home again, doing what every woman is called upon to do to run her household ( and I have a whopper of a house!). I need to be sure to pace myself and not overdo. I am more aware of giving myself permission to take it easy since my heart is not working on all cylinders (that’s for you guys reading this). When the cardiologist refers to my condition (the heart not able to pump the blood at normal rates, 30% compared to twice that percentage) as “heart failure”, yes, it does give me pause…the words “heart” and “failure” in the same phrase tends to do that to one. The oncologist is confident this will reverse itself (I had a normal echocardiogram in January of 2008 before I went into cancer surgery) and go back to normal but I do not take anything for granted. I ask you to continue to join me in beseeching our Father to heal the problems of my heart. I also have premature heart beats which need to normalize as well.
Another area for which I need your prayers…I have found it hard to concentrate and organize my thoughts. Perhaps this is something which will correct itself as I get off certain meds, I don’t know. But again, I am asking God to help me with it because there are things (hey, most of life) which I am called upon to do which call for the ability to put thoughts into an organized from to make a chain of thoughts, if you will, so I can accomplish what I need to do. Well, I’m not sure that made any sense but God knows what I mean!
One area I haven’t made much of a “dent” in is compiling my various writings into an organized form (the “O” word again, and I’m not talking about Oprah) so I can fill in the gaps and start publishing my “story” and other writings as so many have encouraged me to do. I really need your prayers for this! Thanks again. I anticipate the “flow” of strength and ability in answer to prayer.
One more prayer request, while I have your ear; you know I will take advantage of this forum to seek prayer for others! My son Jeremy, who, by the way, had a safe time in and going to and from Europe a few weeks ago, pulled muscles and ligaments in his back and is in pain and unable to walk without assistance. He went to the ER yesterday and will see his doctor this week. Please pray for his healing, with no long term effects from this injury. Pray he is able to get back to work quickly. I cannot tell you how much it means to be able to share needs with you and know prayer is going up for them. Thank you so much.
The journey continues, ever expanding in potential for ministry to others. May I grab each opportunity and make the most of it, and may the Lord be glorified through me by whatever means.
Jacque
It is funny, but I almost feel like I have 2 lives, but what it is in reality is “my life”, being lived out wherever I am. I have made friends here in the church and I will miss them. I look forward to coming back to be in ladies’ Bible study, and prayer groups, Wednesday night Bible study, and even going out for lunch with a friend or daughter-in-law, deepening these relationships. I am privileged to see and be a part of the beginnings of a prayer movement (and I am trusting it will become that!) in our church; to me this is so exciting, especially as I am convinced it is the moving of God’s spirit. I have spent time with my sons and daughters-in-law and love them dearly; I cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed I feel (and Randy does, too) at God’s goodness to us through our children. I’ve had hours to give my attention to the three amigos, my current grandchildren (soon to be 4), both in play time and ordinary living time; these are the relationships which will affect the future, so much unspoken and yet-unrealized power and potential. And then there is all God’s provision for every aspect of my life over the past 18 months. God is Sovereign, as our Pastor reminded us today, and he knows what he is doing, even when we don’t and the present hurts.
Now I am coming home…my West Virginia home. When I was back there in April I bought 2 T-shirts with “West Virginia” written on the designs. I guess I am becoming a WV Hillbilly after all! And proud of it, by golly!
I fly home Saturday June 13. I can’t wait to see Randy at the Charleston airport, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me too, so happy to be together again. This is why I married him…to be with him. This year we do get to celebrate together our 36th year of wedded bliss (with all the ups and downs and good and bad of 2 imperfect people who love each other living together), when up until 2 days ago we didn’t expect I’d be home on time. When little things like that happen (and they are little in significance in the warp and woof of life and God’s grand scheme) I always feel like God is looking down smiling as he pulls his surprise for us from behind his back. He does give us the desires of our hearts, both little ones and big ones. He’s so kind and good.
So I only have 2 more weeks to get everything together and still make the most of every hour with my little people, my grandchildren. I have 3 doctor’s appointments this week alone, the most serious being the removal of the port-a-cath from my upper left chest wall. I will be seeing the surgeon in her office on Thursday morning at 11 am (Pacific time, folks, which being interpreted is 3 hours earlier than Eastern-style time) and I agreed to only local anesthetic. No other anesthesia (what was I thinking!). It is a little scary to me but I am asking God to help me relax…and that it won’t hurt much! But the surgeon said it is much easier to remove the port than insert it and I should be able to drive myself home afterwards. So, needless to say, I really appreciate your prayers for me! Pray it really will go quickly and smoothly (she did have some trouble when inserting it; small veins or something) with a minimum of pain and tension (!) on my part.
Last update I asked you to pray for God’s provision for all the travel I will need to do over the next few years going back and forth to CA for follow up visits with the oncologist. Please continue to ask God for that, but I wanted to share that he has already begun to answer for these needs; a friend sent me a certificate which took $200 off my first round trip booking for my next visit to CA! God has provided through friends and family over the past 18 months for other flights and in other areas of need and special gifts and we, amazed at their generosity to us (thank you guys, you and the Father know who you are!) continue to bless the name of the Lord and put our trust in him to continue to provide, through a multitude of means. God is so creative, he never fails to surprise us with the ways in which he accomplishes what he determines to do. When you seek to walk by faith in this great God you never know what to expect next! Oh, except for one thing; we can be sure he will be right there with us.
I will need your prayers for my adjustment to living back in my own home again, doing what every woman is called upon to do to run her household ( and I have a whopper of a house!). I need to be sure to pace myself and not overdo. I am more aware of giving myself permission to take it easy since my heart is not working on all cylinders (that’s for you guys reading this). When the cardiologist refers to my condition (the heart not able to pump the blood at normal rates, 30% compared to twice that percentage) as “heart failure”, yes, it does give me pause…the words “heart” and “failure” in the same phrase tends to do that to one. The oncologist is confident this will reverse itself (I had a normal echocardiogram in January of 2008 before I went into cancer surgery) and go back to normal but I do not take anything for granted. I ask you to continue to join me in beseeching our Father to heal the problems of my heart. I also have premature heart beats which need to normalize as well.
Another area for which I need your prayers…I have found it hard to concentrate and organize my thoughts. Perhaps this is something which will correct itself as I get off certain meds, I don’t know. But again, I am asking God to help me with it because there are things (hey, most of life) which I am called upon to do which call for the ability to put thoughts into an organized from to make a chain of thoughts, if you will, so I can accomplish what I need to do. Well, I’m not sure that made any sense but God knows what I mean!
One area I haven’t made much of a “dent” in is compiling my various writings into an organized form (the “O” word again, and I’m not talking about Oprah) so I can fill in the gaps and start publishing my “story” and other writings as so many have encouraged me to do. I really need your prayers for this! Thanks again. I anticipate the “flow” of strength and ability in answer to prayer.
One more prayer request, while I have your ear; you know I will take advantage of this forum to seek prayer for others! My son Jeremy, who, by the way, had a safe time in and going to and from Europe a few weeks ago, pulled muscles and ligaments in his back and is in pain and unable to walk without assistance. He went to the ER yesterday and will see his doctor this week. Please pray for his healing, with no long term effects from this injury. Pray he is able to get back to work quickly. I cannot tell you how much it means to be able to share needs with you and know prayer is going up for them. Thank you so much.
The journey continues, ever expanding in potential for ministry to others. May I grab each opportunity and make the most of it, and may the Lord be glorified through me by whatever means.
Jacque
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I know you’ve been waiting to hear how my Monday, May 11, appointment went with the oncologist. He reviewed my echocardiogram results and since there was no improvement to my weakened heart, even after a rest of 6 weeks (from infusions of Herceptin) and since the Herceptin is the cause of the weakening of my heart, he decided to completely discontinue the Herceptin. Though the usual course of administration of Herceptin is 12 months, and I have only had 7 months, he feels I’ve had a sufficient amount to give me added protection against recurrence of the breast cancer. I am not trusting in that though. My hope is in the Lord, to whom we all have cried out for healing. I have a lot of confidence in my doctors here. They are some of the best, as are the nurses. I am extremely thankful for them all, and that my treatment could be here. But my hope will always be in God alone.
So what does all this mean? Well, after some tests, the surgical removal of the port-a-cath in my chest (through which the infusions were administered), another visit to the oncologist in 3 weeks, and a raft of other doctor follow-up appointments (right now I count 9 appointments, not including the surgery, in the next 5 weeks!), I will be free to go home! I am waiting to find out the date of the surgery for the port-a-cath removal and hope to make flight arrangements to go home around the latter part of June.
I would appreciate your prayers for this surgery. I will probably have the local and twilight types of anesthesia like a year ago when I had the port-a-cath placed. The difference now is that my heart is weaker and I do not know if that will affect anything. Let’s pray it doesn’t.
Another issue is that for the next 2 years I must be back here for follow-up visits with my oncologist every 3 months. Then for a couple of years it will be every 4 months, then 6 months, and so on. So there will be a lot of flying to and from California. Pray for God’s provision for that.
I realized this morning that I am under more stress than I was aware of. As Randy said recently, I’ve gone through a lot over the past 18 months, from the diagnosis of my breast cancer in December 2007, decisions of where to get treatment, fear of cancer and fear of how I would tolerate treatments because of the MG, changing residences from WV to CA and living in others’ homes, going through 2 surgeries, 2 chemotherapy regimens, losing my hair and slowly gaining it back, radiation and ongoing Herceptin infusions, and everything else medical with it, months of separation from Randy, to the joys of being with children and grandchildren, and even new friends and ministry in the local church. Now I’ve had the brakes put on suddenly and must shift gears to prepare myself for leaving all this to go back and resume my life in West Virginia; it is taking an emotional toll.
When I left the oncologist’s office after learning this was the “wrap” call for my cancer treatment (other than the next several years of follow-up visits and taking a pill for 5 years), I would have “waves” of emotion roll over me; I would think, “I’m going home” and grin and get choked up and teary eyed. Then when I think about leaving my grandchildren for months at a time, I also get choked up! Or I’ve had “bubbles” of emotion rise suddenly to the surface, so to speak, and take me by surprise, notably impatience and vexation, “Whoa! Where’d that come from?”. Well I think God is gently letting me see that I need to recognize this emotional reality and learn to live with it. For me that means pulling back to solitude as much as I can. That is how I am wired. It is good to know these things and I am thankful I have learned that much about myself. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, even when you may not know what I need at any given time; God does know.
So amidst all I have to do between now and the time I actually board a plane for WV, I will attempt to stay aware of my emotional needs and make the necessary adjustments, the allowances needed so that I can stay in a state of equilibrium spiritually, which will mean health physically as well.
I pray I will not get overwhelmed with all that I need to do. My prayer times are often times of crying out to God, thanking him, praising him for his mercy and compassion, his goodness to me. For all the good things and especially the people in my life. Oh how God has poured out his grace and mercy on me! I just want my life to express his strength and joy…that is, that I would live my life as a song of praise to God, full of faith in him, bringing him joy, which in turn is my strength.
Be strong in the Lord. You encourage me. May I in turn encourage you.
Jacque
So what does all this mean? Well, after some tests, the surgical removal of the port-a-cath in my chest (through which the infusions were administered), another visit to the oncologist in 3 weeks, and a raft of other doctor follow-up appointments (right now I count 9 appointments, not including the surgery, in the next 5 weeks!), I will be free to go home! I am waiting to find out the date of the surgery for the port-a-cath removal and hope to make flight arrangements to go home around the latter part of June.
I would appreciate your prayers for this surgery. I will probably have the local and twilight types of anesthesia like a year ago when I had the port-a-cath placed. The difference now is that my heart is weaker and I do not know if that will affect anything. Let’s pray it doesn’t.
Another issue is that for the next 2 years I must be back here for follow-up visits with my oncologist every 3 months. Then for a couple of years it will be every 4 months, then 6 months, and so on. So there will be a lot of flying to and from California. Pray for God’s provision for that.
I realized this morning that I am under more stress than I was aware of. As Randy said recently, I’ve gone through a lot over the past 18 months, from the diagnosis of my breast cancer in December 2007, decisions of where to get treatment, fear of cancer and fear of how I would tolerate treatments because of the MG, changing residences from WV to CA and living in others’ homes, going through 2 surgeries, 2 chemotherapy regimens, losing my hair and slowly gaining it back, radiation and ongoing Herceptin infusions, and everything else medical with it, months of separation from Randy, to the joys of being with children and grandchildren, and even new friends and ministry in the local church. Now I’ve had the brakes put on suddenly and must shift gears to prepare myself for leaving all this to go back and resume my life in West Virginia; it is taking an emotional toll.
When I left the oncologist’s office after learning this was the “wrap” call for my cancer treatment (other than the next several years of follow-up visits and taking a pill for 5 years), I would have “waves” of emotion roll over me; I would think, “I’m going home” and grin and get choked up and teary eyed. Then when I think about leaving my grandchildren for months at a time, I also get choked up! Or I’ve had “bubbles” of emotion rise suddenly to the surface, so to speak, and take me by surprise, notably impatience and vexation, “Whoa! Where’d that come from?”. Well I think God is gently letting me see that I need to recognize this emotional reality and learn to live with it. For me that means pulling back to solitude as much as I can. That is how I am wired. It is good to know these things and I am thankful I have learned that much about myself. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, even when you may not know what I need at any given time; God does know.
So amidst all I have to do between now and the time I actually board a plane for WV, I will attempt to stay aware of my emotional needs and make the necessary adjustments, the allowances needed so that I can stay in a state of equilibrium spiritually, which will mean health physically as well.
I pray I will not get overwhelmed with all that I need to do. My prayer times are often times of crying out to God, thanking him, praising him for his mercy and compassion, his goodness to me. For all the good things and especially the people in my life. Oh how God has poured out his grace and mercy on me! I just want my life to express his strength and joy…that is, that I would live my life as a song of praise to God, full of faith in him, bringing him joy, which in turn is my strength.
Be strong in the Lord. You encourage me. May I in turn encourage you.
Jacque
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Time flies when you are having fun and my 5 weeks in West Virginia, in my home and with the love of my life (Randy, in case you don’t know!) just flew by. It was great being with my friends and “Mustard Seeds family” (the staff at Mustard Seeds) and chatting with neighbors and other community members. It was good to be with our friends in our missional community, a home church we attend each week. Basically it was nice to connect again with the people in my life in West Virginia.
Another enjoyable aspect of visiting home again was the beautiful scenery. In springtime flowers, shrubs and trees start blossoming and I got to get in on some of that. It was great! I am a gardener at heart and greatly enjoy growing things, even if it is a concession to the wild plants (weeds) which take over in parts of the yard. Some of them do have their own beauty; our cultivated plants started out the same way. West Virginia is a growing state, at least in the variety and volume of trees, shrubs and flowers!
While home I did keep busy yet I think I paced myself pretty well. I am learning. And with this heart condition (weakened heart due to Herceptin) I am more aware of being careful not to overstress my heart.
So, you are probably wondering how my heart echo test went on May 8, after arriving back in CA. Well, it showed no change; my heart has not improved. Neither has it gotten worse, thank the Lord. The cardiologist has started me on third heart medication. Though I was to see the oncologist on May 8, as well as the cardiologist, that appointment was rescheduled to Monday, May 11. At that time he will review the test results (which he ordered) to determine if we should continue the Herceptin infusions. I have a very strong suspicion he will continue to postpone the Herceptin but I am not familiar with how they routinely deal with this situation. I have been in a holding pattern since March 27 and will continue until I am told otherwise. I am so thankful for the peace and grace of the Lord!
Since being back in my California home, I’ve tried to make the most of my time with the grandchildren, knowing that in a few months I will be going back to West Virginia and will not have this opportunity with them. These months have been a gift to us of being with our children and these little grandchildren, who are growing up before our eyes. I’ve said before that if I didn’t have these families to come to out here in CA while going through treatment for almost a year and a half, it would be very, very difficult to leave Randy and my home in West Virginia. But God has blessed us abundantly!
One of the exciting things going on out here is that God is using me to “kick start” a time of corporate prayer in the church we attend. A small group has met three times, once monthly, and while I was in WV the group that met was the largest to meet to that point. I am currently in contact with a young woman of that group (most are already involved as “Prayer Partners” in the church, ministering through prayer, though on an individual level) and we will be meeting soon to get to know one another better. I will share my vision of seeing the group extend into the greater church body over time, getting God’s people meeting together on a regular basis for corporate prayer.
I firmly believe the church needs to teach and practice praying together. We certainly have scriptural precedent for this. And we read of God’s powerful answers to the church in prayer. My desire is to see this replicated in this local body of believers. I have moved slowly into this, feeling God is behind it. It will be up to the people of this body of believers to carry on the vision when I am no longer here. Pray God opens the way to effectively communicate this vision and for receptivity to it, to the end the body will be built up and God glorified through them in new ways.
So I would appreciate your prayers for me not only for continued healing of all that is wrong in my body (MG, cancer, heart weakness) but for the ministry God has laid on my heart for God’s people here in Colton at Centerpoint Church . And of course, I am still very much engaged in ministry in WV, through responsibilities with Mustard Seeds and prayer for the people we are called to there.
Thank you once again for walking with me and upholding me and Randy in this very long journey!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
What do an April snowstorm and a bear in the yard, and cancer and MG have in common? Me! I’ve experienced all of the above, and just recently. It is also reflective of life in general: you never know what may happen next. What an adventure!
Well, to pick up where my last update left off, I saw my oncologist Friday, March 27 and he said the Herceptin was causing the weakening of my heart and withheld the infusion for that day until I have a repeat heart echogram. That will be done May 4 and I will see the oncologist again May 8 for his determination, after seeing the test results, of when I restart the Herceptin. Pray my heart will be strengthened.
I flew home to WV on Saturday, March 28 and by the grace of God, I was able to hop a ride on a motorized cart after scooting out of the airplane upon landing at O’Hare in Chicago, and just caught my connecting flight. (Never again will I allow only 45 minutes between flights in that airport!) My experience up to this point of requesting assistance from gate to gate in airports has been abysmal; I always ended up walking anyway because they never got a wheelchair or other conveyance to me in a timely manner. Thankfully I have been able to walk and make my flights (what of the plight of others not so fortunate?). However, if I had not had that ride in O’Hare, I would have missed my flight. Thanks for all who prayed for me and thanks to God.
So I have been back in wild, wonderful West Virginia for almost two weeks. It is good to be home again. I am queen of my own household once again, with all the attendant responsibilities and I am thankful for the strength I’ve had to carry them out. I attend all the Mustard Seeds meetings as well and have been playing hostess to prospective staff visiting this week . (They are looking over the ministry and meeting and talking with our current staff. We are all praying for God’s leading as to whether they should join the staff of M&M.) I am learning to pace myself as I still tire rapidly and often. But a few minutes’ rest and I am back at it. Today I am staying home and taking it easy.
A few days after arriving home my mother and brother from Michigan arrived and we were able to have 3 days together. This was a blessing to us. I last saw my Mom in CA over Mother’s Day week-end last year. I missed her 80th birthday party in Michigan last September because I was still in CA in the middle of chemotherapy.
Since that time my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and now is in the process of making future plans to move from her home of the last 30+ years. In fact, when they stopped to visit here, she was on her way to the Atlanta area to visit another brother who lined up retirement homes for her to look at as options, along with options of living with one of us children, for her future years. We rejoice in the decisions she was able to make while there and now is in process of packing up (and clearing out) her house to move to Roswell, GA by this coming June. Please pray for her continued grace to do all this. We are also praying for her healing of Alzheimer’s. Won’t you join us in that prayer?
Also pray for my brother, Rob, who lives with her, who finishes up his schooling , faces surgery May 12 and then needs to find a job and get settled. These are all things that weigh on my Mom as well.
While I am at the prayer request phase here, let me update a previous request: Joel N. has been declared cancer free and finishes his last chemo next Monday, April 13. Praise God! Let’s pray he stay that way.
Well, we’ve talked about cancer and touched on MG as part of my life, as I learn to cope appropriately with tiredness. So where do the snow storm and bear come in? Just a few days ago a cold front moved in and it began snowing Tuesday afternoon, through the night and all day Wednesday. What a day! We woke up Wednesday morning to snow on the ground and more coming down, covering our daffodils, yellow forsythia, and apple blossoms. And garbage bags strewn across the yard and huge paw prints…our hungry neighborhood bear. It was in April a few years ago we first had one visit us, after another snow storm. Our garbage this time was littering even our neighbor’s yard and the woods behind! The garbage can sits just outside our back door and our bedroom window. I am very glad he/she wasn’t interested in coming into the house for a visit…. Yes, West Virginia is wild…and wonderful.
Since it will not be necessary for me to be back in CA until May 4 I was able to change my return flight from April 22 to May 1, squeezing in an additional week for my stay at home in WV. It is nice to see everyone around here who is a part of my life in WV. I miss my children and grandchildren, to be sure, but as I emailed one son, I said as I looked at our yard I imagined my oldest grandchild (Lourdes), who talks about coming to visit us, playing in the yard, making a special room under the mulberry tree with its drooping branches, playing with the neighbor children her age, and it makes me smile. I look forward to those days when my grand girls and boys can come play in our big yard and tramp the paths in the woods (with us in tow); city kids experiencing the joys of country living in God’s good world.
By God’s grace, in answer to much earnest prayer, I will see those days. Thanks for being a part of my journey….
Jacque
Well, to pick up where my last update left off, I saw my oncologist Friday, March 27 and he said the Herceptin was causing the weakening of my heart and withheld the infusion for that day until I have a repeat heart echogram. That will be done May 4 and I will see the oncologist again May 8 for his determination, after seeing the test results, of when I restart the Herceptin. Pray my heart will be strengthened.
I flew home to WV on Saturday, March 28 and by the grace of God, I was able to hop a ride on a motorized cart after scooting out of the airplane upon landing at O’Hare in Chicago, and just caught my connecting flight. (Never again will I allow only 45 minutes between flights in that airport!) My experience up to this point of requesting assistance from gate to gate in airports has been abysmal; I always ended up walking anyway because they never got a wheelchair or other conveyance to me in a timely manner. Thankfully I have been able to walk and make my flights (what of the plight of others not so fortunate?). However, if I had not had that ride in O’Hare, I would have missed my flight. Thanks for all who prayed for me and thanks to God.
So I have been back in wild, wonderful West Virginia for almost two weeks. It is good to be home again. I am queen of my own household once again, with all the attendant responsibilities and I am thankful for the strength I’ve had to carry them out. I attend all the Mustard Seeds meetings as well and have been playing hostess to prospective staff visiting this week . (They are looking over the ministry and meeting and talking with our current staff. We are all praying for God’s leading as to whether they should join the staff of M&M.) I am learning to pace myself as I still tire rapidly and often. But a few minutes’ rest and I am back at it. Today I am staying home and taking it easy.
A few days after arriving home my mother and brother from Michigan arrived and we were able to have 3 days together. This was a blessing to us. I last saw my Mom in CA over Mother’s Day week-end last year. I missed her 80th birthday party in Michigan last September because I was still in CA in the middle of chemotherapy.
Since that time my mom has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and now is in the process of making future plans to move from her home of the last 30+ years. In fact, when they stopped to visit here, she was on her way to the Atlanta area to visit another brother who lined up retirement homes for her to look at as options, along with options of living with one of us children, for her future years. We rejoice in the decisions she was able to make while there and now is in process of packing up (and clearing out) her house to move to Roswell, GA by this coming June. Please pray for her continued grace to do all this. We are also praying for her healing of Alzheimer’s. Won’t you join us in that prayer?
Also pray for my brother, Rob, who lives with her, who finishes up his schooling , faces surgery May 12 and then needs to find a job and get settled. These are all things that weigh on my Mom as well.
While I am at the prayer request phase here, let me update a previous request: Joel N. has been declared cancer free and finishes his last chemo next Monday, April 13. Praise God! Let’s pray he stay that way.
Well, we’ve talked about cancer and touched on MG as part of my life, as I learn to cope appropriately with tiredness. So where do the snow storm and bear come in? Just a few days ago a cold front moved in and it began snowing Tuesday afternoon, through the night and all day Wednesday. What a day! We woke up Wednesday morning to snow on the ground and more coming down, covering our daffodils, yellow forsythia, and apple blossoms. And garbage bags strewn across the yard and huge paw prints…our hungry neighborhood bear. It was in April a few years ago we first had one visit us, after another snow storm. Our garbage this time was littering even our neighbor’s yard and the woods behind! The garbage can sits just outside our back door and our bedroom window. I am very glad he/she wasn’t interested in coming into the house for a visit…. Yes, West Virginia is wild…and wonderful.
Since it will not be necessary for me to be back in CA until May 4 I was able to change my return flight from April 22 to May 1, squeezing in an additional week for my stay at home in WV. It is nice to see everyone around here who is a part of my life in WV. I miss my children and grandchildren, to be sure, but as I emailed one son, I said as I looked at our yard I imagined my oldest grandchild (Lourdes), who talks about coming to visit us, playing in the yard, making a special room under the mulberry tree with its drooping branches, playing with the neighbor children her age, and it makes me smile. I look forward to those days when my grand girls and boys can come play in our big yard and tramp the paths in the woods (with us in tow); city kids experiencing the joys of country living in God’s good world.
By God’s grace, in answer to much earnest prayer, I will see those days. Thanks for being a part of my journey….
Jacque
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