Joyous Christmas! Joyous because we celebrate the birthday of our King, Jesus the Christ. May He get lots of presents on His birthday!
Sometimes it is easy to forget Jesus is not an absentee King. Just because we cannot see Him as the disciples did, in a visible body like ours, doesn’t mean He isn’t here. He is very much Present with us who have put all our trust in Him to deliver us from our sins and promised us eternal life. He is busy at work in our world and calls us to join Him. What an unspeakable privilege!
There is so much work we do just to live in this world which must be done over and over again, yet will not last past this world. And now in the midst of that tedious yet necessary work, Jesus calls us and commands us to be about His work which will last through all eternity! Climb on board! (If you’ve been here on a mission trip with Mustard Seeds and Mountains you’ve probably heard Randy’s train parable. It is true!)
Being involved in people’s lives can be, and usually is, “messy”, as one of our former interns sagely observed. I am learning to keep my eyes on Jesus, as the scripture plainly says to do, so that my Perspective will be continually corrected to see as God sees things, and not get caught up in emotion and the ideas that abundantly propagate from people in the world, or even well meaning followers of Jesus, all around me. God alone knows best. In the heat of battle I must look to my Commander for my directives, not the enemy or even my fellowmen. I am so thankful for God’s Word! I am so grateful for His Spirit Who guides and teaches.
This past month has been full yet not overfull. There is always more to do than I have time for each day, yet God gives us only so many hours each day and energy to go with those hours so no sense fretting over that unfinished to-do list! The hours allotted are not going to change, so our expectations of what we can accomplish have to! Life is more enjoyable and we are easier to live with, too.
Randy and I are now preparing to travel to PA for a Christmas family reunion, although 2 of my brothers will be absent. It has been a few years since my siblings and Mom have been together. Though our own children and grandchildren will be in California, we have spent the last 2 Christmas’s with them and that has been a joy and a privilege.
Randy and I will be traveling again to CA in February for the next set of follow up appointments for me. I will be doing this every few months for the next several years. The upside of that travel and expense is we get to see our kids and grandkids when we go out. We will miss the birth of our next grandchild by 2 months this time, unfortunately, because he or she is due end of April. But Seth and Melissa and children are planning a trip back east this summer at which time they will be coming here for a visit. We are looking forward to having them all here, the first time in West Virginia for Caleb who is 3 years old!
Jaime, our newest grandson, is slowly showing improvement in his bout with colic and reflux. He and his parents will be very happy when he out grows this! We are so thankful for God’s mercy that everyone is otherwise healthy and faring well.
Randy has been working on the final edits of the book “Mission as Life”. He may be self publishing; we’ve been seeking the Lord’s guidance on this. Your prayers are appreciated as he moves through this process, choosing a publishing company and setting up meetings and conferences to promote the book. We see it as a tool to help parents build Kingdom vision in their families, to push forward God’s agenda in this world. In fact, if you are interested in having him come speak to your church or a group, once the book is in hand, please contact us!
Randy’s skin cancer surgery went quickly and well. He is healing up now. We pray this will be the end of this kind of thing. I haven’t had another incident of legs going useless. I had an MRI which, though I haven’t seen the doctor for an official read of the results, her office indicated it must be normal or the doctor would have called me. So life goes on as usual. I am so thankful Randy and I have been healthy this year, no colds or sickness.
I have been remaining strong as I cut back slowly on the…do you really want to know the name of the drug??? The generic for CellCept is Mycophenolate Mofetil. Yessiree! And I’ve heard it murdered more than once in the pronunciation! Can’t blame them! Anyway, this drug is a strong suppressor of the immune system, given to recipients of donor organs. But almost from the beginning of the time I started taking it, several years ago, I’ve prayed I could one day come off it. Isn’t God good. (That is a statement, not a question!)
Let’s worship this Good God with the gift He most desires, our living sacrifice of ourselves to Him. He is Worthy.
Jacque
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Thursday, November 19, 2009
UPS delivered a box yesterday with a bottle of pills, a new prescription for one of the 2 drugs I am still taking for the MG (myasthenia gravis). So what? I take lots of pills and have many delivered. But these pills are half the dosage of one of the meds I have been taking for the last few years (4 pills a day). My neurologist agreed to allow me to start slowly cutting back on the amount of this drug which suppresses my immune system. I had asked the Lord to move my doctor’s heart to allow this if He wanted me to cut back. We have asked God for healing of the MG and have seen Him give me exceptional strength over the past several months (for over a year). I was able, one year ago, to discontinue Mestinon, a maintenance type drug used to treat MG. Never, since I was diagnosed with MG at 15 years of age, have I been able to go without it, until last year. To us that is a miracle! Now, as of this morning, I am cutting back on this heavy duty drug.
Humanly speaking, my doctors look at the chemotherapy I went through for breast cancer and say, “Hmmm, cancer chemo to treat MG?”. Of course, as my neurologist states, I have been on long term “chemotherapy” with the drugs I have taken over the years to treat MG. One doctor many years ago, having looked at the list of meds I was on, made the comment, “You are on some heavy toxins, aren’t you”. Yes indeed.
God has used medical science and technology to benefit me over the past many, many years I have had MG. He has given knowledge to man in many areas, including medicine and human health and I thank God for it. But as we all know, there are limitations and drawbacks to most of these treatments. I am experiencing some of those as I write. That is why over the years I have prayed for God’s mercy to protect me from the bad side-effects of the various drugs I’ve taken. He has done that for many of them. I’ve prayed for many years that I could discontinue these helpful yet harmful drugs. Now, I will be cutting back ½ pill-worth per month of one of them, as I can tolerate it. That is, as long as I do not get weaker. I have put myself in God’s hands. I have not rushed ahead, have not presumed anything. But we have asked God for His mercy and grace in relation to my healing. We have directly asked for healing of the MG, as well as the cancer (and my heart since it was affected in the chemo treatments). As in all things, we wait on the Lord.
Part of that waiting involves fending off fears and doubts. The main thing for me to remember, for each one of us to remember, is that I, myself, must not be the center of my concern. I have to continually focus my eyes on Jesus Christ, not myself. I am a part of something much bigger and grander than just my life. God is working out His purposes, and I, as a redeemed follower of Jesus, get to be part of that, both now and for all eternity. What hope there is in that! If, as the apostle Paul said, we have hope only for this life, we would be more than all men, most miserable! Think of it. Everything we suffer in this life has meaning and purpose as we are rightly related to God and players in His big plan. Not a pain nor tear is wasted in any and all kinds of struggle and suffering. In fact, it is in our helplessness, powerlessness and physical weakness that we get to give God the opportunity to display His mighty power through us.
(Break for weeping.)
There are some truths hard to understand, to grasp with the mind. They must be embraced with the will, their reality accepted by faith. I always fall back on the big soft cushion of the goodness of God. That goodness has been proven over and over again. I don’t deserve it, but I am mighty glad for it.
Waiting on the Lord. I am again reading through the book of Isaiah (I highly recommend it) and today read chapter 40. Wow. These passages are so amazing and powerful. They feed the soul, build one’s faith. We neglect the reading and study of the Word of God to our own detriment. God had these words written down for us! I am so thankful He did that. I pray we will always be able to have the Word of God and that those who do not now have it, will be able to get it. I pray that we will eat it as food and be changed by putting into practice what God has said.
“Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD, or as His counselor has informed Him? With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding? And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding?
“To whom then will you liken Me that I would be his equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing…Why do you say… “My way is hidden from the LORD, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God”?
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40: 13, 14, 25-31 NASB
Think about that, think deeply about that. I sure am.
I need your prayers. Thanks for caring.
Jacque
Humanly speaking, my doctors look at the chemotherapy I went through for breast cancer and say, “Hmmm, cancer chemo to treat MG?”. Of course, as my neurologist states, I have been on long term “chemotherapy” with the drugs I have taken over the years to treat MG. One doctor many years ago, having looked at the list of meds I was on, made the comment, “You are on some heavy toxins, aren’t you”. Yes indeed.
God has used medical science and technology to benefit me over the past many, many years I have had MG. He has given knowledge to man in many areas, including medicine and human health and I thank God for it. But as we all know, there are limitations and drawbacks to most of these treatments. I am experiencing some of those as I write. That is why over the years I have prayed for God’s mercy to protect me from the bad side-effects of the various drugs I’ve taken. He has done that for many of them. I’ve prayed for many years that I could discontinue these helpful yet harmful drugs. Now, I will be cutting back ½ pill-worth per month of one of them, as I can tolerate it. That is, as long as I do not get weaker. I have put myself in God’s hands. I have not rushed ahead, have not presumed anything. But we have asked God for His mercy and grace in relation to my healing. We have directly asked for healing of the MG, as well as the cancer (and my heart since it was affected in the chemo treatments). As in all things, we wait on the Lord.
Part of that waiting involves fending off fears and doubts. The main thing for me to remember, for each one of us to remember, is that I, myself, must not be the center of my concern. I have to continually focus my eyes on Jesus Christ, not myself. I am a part of something much bigger and grander than just my life. God is working out His purposes, and I, as a redeemed follower of Jesus, get to be part of that, both now and for all eternity. What hope there is in that! If, as the apostle Paul said, we have hope only for this life, we would be more than all men, most miserable! Think of it. Everything we suffer in this life has meaning and purpose as we are rightly related to God and players in His big plan. Not a pain nor tear is wasted in any and all kinds of struggle and suffering. In fact, it is in our helplessness, powerlessness and physical weakness that we get to give God the opportunity to display His mighty power through us.
(Break for weeping.)
There are some truths hard to understand, to grasp with the mind. They must be embraced with the will, their reality accepted by faith. I always fall back on the big soft cushion of the goodness of God. That goodness has been proven over and over again. I don’t deserve it, but I am mighty glad for it.
Waiting on the Lord. I am again reading through the book of Isaiah (I highly recommend it) and today read chapter 40. Wow. These passages are so amazing and powerful. They feed the soul, build one’s faith. We neglect the reading and study of the Word of God to our own detriment. God had these words written down for us! I am so thankful He did that. I pray we will always be able to have the Word of God and that those who do not now have it, will be able to get it. I pray that we will eat it as food and be changed by putting into practice what God has said.
“Who has directed the Spirit of the LORD, or as His counselor has informed Him? With whom did He consult and who gave Him understanding? And who taught Him in the path of justice and taught Him knowledge and informed Him of the way of understanding?
“To whom then will you liken Me that I would be his equal?” says the Holy One. Lift up your eyes on high and see who has created these stars, the One who leads forth their host by number, He calls them all by name; because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power, not one of them is missing…Why do you say… “My way is hidden from the LORD, and the justice due me escapes the notice of my God”?
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth does not become weary or tired. His understanding is inscrutable. He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” Isaiah 40: 13, 14, 25-31 NASB
Think about that, think deeply about that. I sure am.
I need your prayers. Thanks for caring.
Jacque
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The leaves are almost all on the ground now. The late hangers-on will only slowly give them up. It is good to be back home in West Virginia. Now whenever we say the name of our state I think of our grandchildren and the permutations of their pronunciation of West Virginia; it is a mouthful for a little child. The 3 year olds cannot grasp that we are not able to come over to their house to see them because we are far away in “Wessperginia”.
Though we miss all our children and grandchildren and would love to be nearer them, we cannot now. We know God has called us to live here in “Wessperginia” until such time as He indicates otherwise, until He releases us. As Randy says, we are under orders. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. To serve the King above all, and have His blessing on our lives; what more can we ask? We do harm to ourselves and those we love if we think we can live our lives our own way and still have God’s smile on us. I’ve seen that too, and it is heartbreaking. As much as I’d love to live near my children and grandchildren, I love them too much to cease to be in a position in which I can effectively pray for them, if to live near them meant I “thumbed my nose” at the call of God on my life. And so it is for every believer. Whatever is dear to us must never come before Jesus and His call to obedient service. If we try to hold onto them, we will lose them, whether things or people. Amazingly, in God’s economy, what we give up for His sake and the kingdom, we gain back, and God makes clear in His word, with interest.
I will have all eternity to share with those I love. But I only have now, this day, this lifetime, to answer God’s call to serve Him here and now. And my obedience now will affect that eternity. My “now” will affect how I am able to serve Him “then”.
So, having said all that, I am happy to be back home in West Virginia! Ah, so much to do. I am slowly getting caught up and moving ahead both with tasks for Mustard Seeds and tasks at home. I am striving not to become overwhelmed.
One of my “home” tasks is to organize all the photos I took on our cross country trip, driving our car home from CA to WV in early October. It was a great time of seeing wonderful sights along our route and spending time with good friends along the way. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to visit everyone we know who lives along the route we took, let alone those who live in adjacent states, or we would have taken much longer to get home. But it was good to see those we did visit. God used those times, I believe, to encourage us all. We are grateful for the time with friends and the safety God gave us in our thousands of miles of travel.
One of the many tasks for Mustard Seeds I will be attending to this fall is furnishing the 3 upstairs bedrooms in the Manse, Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ headquarters. You may recall about 3 years ago we first started talking about furnishing these rooms. Well, we are stepping out in faith to go ahead with purchasing all the beds and bedding, chairs, tables, dressers, window treatments, etc., needed for these 3 rooms. Wendy Hammond will be helping me on this project. The purpose of all this is to have these rooms available as alternative housing for families who come up for Mission as Life trips outside our regular summer program, mainly long weekends in the fall and spring.
You may ask, “why is this important?” Mustard Seeds is emphasizing families serving together, putting God’s kingdom priorities at the center of their family life, assisting parents to develop a family lifestyle which will help propel children and parents into lifelong commitments to Christ Jesus and His agenda. We want our children to be more than nice people and good citizens of their country and communities. We want them to be white-hot followers of Jesus, living out His values in this world, and passing them on to the next generation.
Can you see how this ties in with what I was saying earlier about being obedient to God’s call to service? We must love God supremely, above all other loves in our lives. Our love for Him must outweigh our love for our children, parents, spouse, and all others. Then we can truly love them and others as God requires, “as ourselves”, when our “first love” is truly our “First Love”. This is a lifelong pursuit. A never ending choice, made anew every day.
The world shouts at us every day. And at our children. We must counter that with tuning our ears and training our children to tune their ears to the voice of Wisdom, as Proverbs personifies the voice of God. We have His word. We must hear it and put it into practice. Live authentic Christian lives.
So let’s pray for each other. Please pray for my continued strength (for which I thank God every day), my continued healing from cancer and MG, for the ability to continue chipping away at my “To Do” list and not allow myself to get overwhelmed. And I will pray for your health and welfare, for the voice of God to ring clear in your ears as much as in mine, for the guidance of God’s spirit to teach us to live authentically in His likeness.
Though we miss all our children and grandchildren and would love to be nearer them, we cannot now. We know God has called us to live here in “Wessperginia” until such time as He indicates otherwise, until He releases us. As Randy says, we are under orders. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. To serve the King above all, and have His blessing on our lives; what more can we ask? We do harm to ourselves and those we love if we think we can live our lives our own way and still have God’s smile on us. I’ve seen that too, and it is heartbreaking. As much as I’d love to live near my children and grandchildren, I love them too much to cease to be in a position in which I can effectively pray for them, if to live near them meant I “thumbed my nose” at the call of God on my life. And so it is for every believer. Whatever is dear to us must never come before Jesus and His call to obedient service. If we try to hold onto them, we will lose them, whether things or people. Amazingly, in God’s economy, what we give up for His sake and the kingdom, we gain back, and God makes clear in His word, with interest.
I will have all eternity to share with those I love. But I only have now, this day, this lifetime, to answer God’s call to serve Him here and now. And my obedience now will affect that eternity. My “now” will affect how I am able to serve Him “then”.
So, having said all that, I am happy to be back home in West Virginia! Ah, so much to do. I am slowly getting caught up and moving ahead both with tasks for Mustard Seeds and tasks at home. I am striving not to become overwhelmed.
One of my “home” tasks is to organize all the photos I took on our cross country trip, driving our car home from CA to WV in early October. It was a great time of seeing wonderful sights along our route and spending time with good friends along the way. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to visit everyone we know who lives along the route we took, let alone those who live in adjacent states, or we would have taken much longer to get home. But it was good to see those we did visit. God used those times, I believe, to encourage us all. We are grateful for the time with friends and the safety God gave us in our thousands of miles of travel.
One of the many tasks for Mustard Seeds I will be attending to this fall is furnishing the 3 upstairs bedrooms in the Manse, Mustard Seeds and Mountains’ headquarters. You may recall about 3 years ago we first started talking about furnishing these rooms. Well, we are stepping out in faith to go ahead with purchasing all the beds and bedding, chairs, tables, dressers, window treatments, etc., needed for these 3 rooms. Wendy Hammond will be helping me on this project. The purpose of all this is to have these rooms available as alternative housing for families who come up for Mission as Life trips outside our regular summer program, mainly long weekends in the fall and spring.
You may ask, “why is this important?” Mustard Seeds is emphasizing families serving together, putting God’s kingdom priorities at the center of their family life, assisting parents to develop a family lifestyle which will help propel children and parents into lifelong commitments to Christ Jesus and His agenda. We want our children to be more than nice people and good citizens of their country and communities. We want them to be white-hot followers of Jesus, living out His values in this world, and passing them on to the next generation.
Can you see how this ties in with what I was saying earlier about being obedient to God’s call to service? We must love God supremely, above all other loves in our lives. Our love for Him must outweigh our love for our children, parents, spouse, and all others. Then we can truly love them and others as God requires, “as ourselves”, when our “first love” is truly our “First Love”. This is a lifelong pursuit. A never ending choice, made anew every day.
The world shouts at us every day. And at our children. We must counter that with tuning our ears and training our children to tune their ears to the voice of Wisdom, as Proverbs personifies the voice of God. We have His word. We must hear it and put it into practice. Live authentic Christian lives.
So let’s pray for each other. Please pray for my continued strength (for which I thank God every day), my continued healing from cancer and MG, for the ability to continue chipping away at my “To Do” list and not allow myself to get overwhelmed. And I will pray for your health and welfare, for the voice of God to ring clear in your ears as much as in mine, for the guidance of God’s spirit to teach us to live authentically in His likeness.
Also, please pray for our newest grandson, Jaime Elias Wallace. We learned today he has developed colic, is not gaining weight and is crying more. He was doing so well when we left CA early October and has since started this. It is also a strain on mommy with 2 other children.
I appreciate you so much. Thanks for being a friend.
Jacque
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
We’ve been in California for 3 weeks, I’ve kept all my doctor appointments and made appointments for several months from now when I will return to continue the cycle of medical follow ups. Cancer treatment doesn’t just end abruptly after surgery and chemo and radiation. It goes on for years, going back to see the doctor(s) as they monitor the recovery and health of their patients. I started taking a pill a year ago which I will continue to take four more years. Even though I am “cancer free”, to the best of our knowledge, staying cancer free is a part of the total package; cancer treatment involves not only killing cancer cells now but keeping them at bay so there is no recurrence of cancer. So I keep praying, laying that need in the lap of God, my heavenly Father.
I don’t dwell on the reality of living with cancer in the background of my life. I couldn’t live fully that way. It’s the same with the MG I’ve lived with for over 45 years; if I constantly think about it, it becomes a mental prison in which I restrict my own freedom to live. Cancer and MG are real entities which affect my life in some (very real) respects, but we are made by God to live, not just survive. In the most horrendous physical condition, one can be very much alive, that is, fully engaged in living life. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in others and my usual inner response is amazement and deep respect for the one who shines so brightly in my vision. In my own experience with MG, I know this to be true. More depends on the state of our minds and hearts than on the state of our bodies. Anyone who has suffered anything in their body can nod in the affirmative to that!
So watch out, if you talk to me about “quality of life”! Much of life is what we make of it. Without a doubt, though, it sure helps to be surrounded by loving and affirmative relationships with others. People are very important to the well being of others. Good relationships contribute very much to the positive attitudes needed to live happily.
Though I don’t dwell on the problems facing me, I don’t ignore or deny their reality, either. My weakened heart condition is certainly not something I want to ignore. I try to do what is best for my physical welfare. When I am faced with the scariness and fears of my various conditions, I run real fast to my Abba Father. I cry out to Jesus, often with tears, knowing He understands. I give over my fears to Him as often as they come up in my mind, because I know I cannot handle them on my own. Living within the realm of one’s limitations isn’t necessarily limiting, rather, it is freeing. Accepting things as they are frees me to fully live, focusing on what is possible, not on what is not possible. This also frees me to be thankful for what is, and get over what isn’t. Would I like to hike the mountain trails? Sure! But since I cannot, I’m not going to moan and cry over it. Instead, I am happy as a clam to be able to walk, to see, to hear! And I will make the most of it.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, September 30, we leave California and start our drive cross country to West Virginia and home, stopping along the way to visit with friends in Arizona and Colorado. One of our stops will be with Amanda and Christian Hartman in the mountains of Colorado. They worked with us on staff at Mustard Seeds and Mountains, met and married there, in fact. We sort of feel responsible…! What a wonderful way to meet one’s mate, serving the Lord. Now they are building their family and we get to meet the two younger children, having met their first child when they were visiting WV a few years ago. It is a joy to my heart to know children are being raised in loving, godly homes.
Much of October will be travel for us. October is one of our favorite months of the year, too. We’ll have to do as much “time” on the porch as we can possibly squeeze in while home in Elkhorn, WV. It is therapeutic, that porch sitting. Our porch, a gift from God….
Hope you can enjoy some “porch” time, too,
Jacque
I don’t dwell on the reality of living with cancer in the background of my life. I couldn’t live fully that way. It’s the same with the MG I’ve lived with for over 45 years; if I constantly think about it, it becomes a mental prison in which I restrict my own freedom to live. Cancer and MG are real entities which affect my life in some (very real) respects, but we are made by God to live, not just survive. In the most horrendous physical condition, one can be very much alive, that is, fully engaged in living life. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in others and my usual inner response is amazement and deep respect for the one who shines so brightly in my vision. In my own experience with MG, I know this to be true. More depends on the state of our minds and hearts than on the state of our bodies. Anyone who has suffered anything in their body can nod in the affirmative to that!
So watch out, if you talk to me about “quality of life”! Much of life is what we make of it. Without a doubt, though, it sure helps to be surrounded by loving and affirmative relationships with others. People are very important to the well being of others. Good relationships contribute very much to the positive attitudes needed to live happily.
Though I don’t dwell on the problems facing me, I don’t ignore or deny their reality, either. My weakened heart condition is certainly not something I want to ignore. I try to do what is best for my physical welfare. When I am faced with the scariness and fears of my various conditions, I run real fast to my Abba Father. I cry out to Jesus, often with tears, knowing He understands. I give over my fears to Him as often as they come up in my mind, because I know I cannot handle them on my own. Living within the realm of one’s limitations isn’t necessarily limiting, rather, it is freeing. Accepting things as they are frees me to fully live, focusing on what is possible, not on what is not possible. This also frees me to be thankful for what is, and get over what isn’t. Would I like to hike the mountain trails? Sure! But since I cannot, I’m not going to moan and cry over it. Instead, I am happy as a clam to be able to walk, to see, to hear! And I will make the most of it.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, September 30, we leave California and start our drive cross country to West Virginia and home, stopping along the way to visit with friends in Arizona and Colorado. One of our stops will be with Amanda and Christian Hartman in the mountains of Colorado. They worked with us on staff at Mustard Seeds and Mountains, met and married there, in fact. We sort of feel responsible…! What a wonderful way to meet one’s mate, serving the Lord. Now they are building their family and we get to meet the two younger children, having met their first child when they were visiting WV a few years ago. It is a joy to my heart to know children are being raised in loving, godly homes.
Much of October will be travel for us. October is one of our favorite months of the year, too. We’ll have to do as much “time” on the porch as we can possibly squeeze in while home in Elkhorn, WV. It is therapeutic, that porch sitting. Our porch, a gift from God….
Hope you can enjoy some “porch” time, too,
Jacque
Friday, September 18, 2009
Medical tests, doctor’s appointment, with more to come. Living and visiting with family members, playing with grandchildren, being on hand for the birth of our 4th grandchild, spending time with friends from church. These are some of the things I have been doing the past couple of weeks since Randy and I flew to California Labor Day weekend.
Have I mentioned the 3 digit temperatures? But what wonderful times when it has been “cooler” in the evenings, or early mornings when I go for my daily walk. Today it is hot but clear; you can see the surrounding mountains and they are always inspiring to me. And it is always a joy to see blue sky when you live in southern California!
I learned at my first doctor’s appointment, which was with my cardiologist, that my heart has not improved very much. It was damaged by the Herceptin which targets a receptor on the cancer cells, hence my oncologist’s decision to discontinue it, and the reason I could go back home earlier in the summer than first anticipated. The force with which the heart pumps blood is called the ejection fraction and mine had declined to 30-35%. Not good. It now is at about 40%. So my cardiologist is keeping me on my current regimen of 3 different heart medications. She also mentioned some fluid around the heart but I do not know how serious it is in my case. Please continue to pray for healing of my heart.
I also had a bone density test done (something I have had annually for several years) and will find out the results Monday. This is important because for over 10 years I have had to take Fosamax off and on to build bone, due to long term Prednisone use for the MG (myasthenia gravis), one of the side effects of which is loss of calcium leading to osteoporosis. Danger of this disease is enhanced now because of the cancer treatment. This is one reason I must walk every day. Please pray for strengthening of my bones.
I learned last week that my oncologist is on 2 month medical leave so I will be seeing another doctor who is seeing his patients for him. Please pray for Dr. Godfrey’s healing.
So many unknowns. So many opportunities to trust God. So many promises of God to contemplate, turning them over and studying them as a treasure. I don’t go looking for them to wave in God’s face. But I find them throughout His word and they give me lots to think about, and much comfort.
In my reading of Proverbs I came across something which directly speaks to one of my current needs. In chapter 3 the speaker is admonishing to trust God completely and not trust in one’s own knowledge and understanding. We are to “acknowledge God” in everything, in “all our ways”. I’ve tried to make this part of my life and so when something turns out well in our eyes or we accomplish something, you will often hear me say “Praise the Lord”, by way of giving back to Him the glory for it. I may have done my best in the situation, or others the same, but my hope is not in “my best” nor in the good efforts of others, as needful as those are and which are to be desired and expected. No, no matter how we plan and work toward our goals, the result is from the Lord (Prov. 3:5-6; 16:3). I can always feel good about doing a good job in carrying out my responsibilities, but not to the point of thinking it was all about me, that I carried the day. This is what the wise teacher means by “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones” (Prov. 3:7, 8). To fear the Lord is to humbly accept His teachings, embrace His truth and let it inform (our minds) and transform us (our behaviors). When we live according to His ways, things happen on our behalf which would not otherwise have taken place. And this is definitely to our benefit.
So it is with all His promises; they are always for our best. We don’t get all the “good stuff” without compliance with His will, however. God’s promises are not “unconditional”, that is, having nothing required of us in order to receive them. The conditions are always tied to loving obedience to God.
I know God is gracious and merciful, and He sends His rain on the just and the unjust. This is the mercy of God. Lots of times God does good to us and others even when we are not loving and obeying Him. Whether believer or unbeliever in the God of goodness and the goodness of God, God remains true to Himself: He is good, even when we don’t deserve it (Romans 5:8).
But to those who put their faith in Him He offers His “precious and magnificent” promises (II Peter 1:4, NASB). And I cannot help it, I must continue with what Peter said here, “so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust…”. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could just set up camp here and stay awhile! Let these words roll round and round in my mind and try to plumb their depths.
See how this is saying the same thing as Proverbs 3…trust in God, not yourself…fear the Lord…turn away from evil…believe right, live right…it will be health to you! Peter says trust in God, His word; His promises are given so that we may be transformed and escape the corrupting of our souls…the corruption we see in those who refuse the Lord…their lives are desperate and they are being destroyed by their own behaviors (Ephesians 3:18, 19). See how Peter is saying the same thing as Paul when he said God’s plan for each of us is to become like Jesus (Romans 8:29), “partakers of the divine nature”. (Some terminology just blows me away!)
How can we not get excited about all this? It is much bigger than my small life, but my small life is a part of this greater whole. How I relate to God, how I then live out my life is important. No one is overlooked and unimportant in God’s eyes. We are all called to and held to this same high standard. We all will give an account to Him for our lives. In light of this, as Paul says in II Corinthians 5:6-11, “we have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him”.
When we fear the Lord and walk in His ways, we can have the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we can see the “kingdom of God”, the rule of God extended through our lives, affecting the world of people around us.
It is worth it to me to continue to let the Word of God inform my thinking and change my behavior. I will benefit from the promises of God, but an even deeper and more significant change happens in me in the process; I love God more and want to serve Him whole-heartedly…no matter what.
It is in the “no matter what” that we often get to shine brightest for our Lord.
Jacque
Have I mentioned the 3 digit temperatures? But what wonderful times when it has been “cooler” in the evenings, or early mornings when I go for my daily walk. Today it is hot but clear; you can see the surrounding mountains and they are always inspiring to me. And it is always a joy to see blue sky when you live in southern California!
I learned at my first doctor’s appointment, which was with my cardiologist, that my heart has not improved very much. It was damaged by the Herceptin which targets a receptor on the cancer cells, hence my oncologist’s decision to discontinue it, and the reason I could go back home earlier in the summer than first anticipated. The force with which the heart pumps blood is called the ejection fraction and mine had declined to 30-35%. Not good. It now is at about 40%. So my cardiologist is keeping me on my current regimen of 3 different heart medications. She also mentioned some fluid around the heart but I do not know how serious it is in my case. Please continue to pray for healing of my heart.
I also had a bone density test done (something I have had annually for several years) and will find out the results Monday. This is important because for over 10 years I have had to take Fosamax off and on to build bone, due to long term Prednisone use for the MG (myasthenia gravis), one of the side effects of which is loss of calcium leading to osteoporosis. Danger of this disease is enhanced now because of the cancer treatment. This is one reason I must walk every day. Please pray for strengthening of my bones.
I learned last week that my oncologist is on 2 month medical leave so I will be seeing another doctor who is seeing his patients for him. Please pray for Dr. Godfrey’s healing.
So many unknowns. So many opportunities to trust God. So many promises of God to contemplate, turning them over and studying them as a treasure. I don’t go looking for them to wave in God’s face. But I find them throughout His word and they give me lots to think about, and much comfort.
In my reading of Proverbs I came across something which directly speaks to one of my current needs. In chapter 3 the speaker is admonishing to trust God completely and not trust in one’s own knowledge and understanding. We are to “acknowledge God” in everything, in “all our ways”. I’ve tried to make this part of my life and so when something turns out well in our eyes or we accomplish something, you will often hear me say “Praise the Lord”, by way of giving back to Him the glory for it. I may have done my best in the situation, or others the same, but my hope is not in “my best” nor in the good efforts of others, as needful as those are and which are to be desired and expected. No, no matter how we plan and work toward our goals, the result is from the Lord (Prov. 3:5-6; 16:3). I can always feel good about doing a good job in carrying out my responsibilities, but not to the point of thinking it was all about me, that I carried the day. This is what the wise teacher means by “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones” (Prov. 3:7, 8). To fear the Lord is to humbly accept His teachings, embrace His truth and let it inform (our minds) and transform us (our behaviors). When we live according to His ways, things happen on our behalf which would not otherwise have taken place. And this is definitely to our benefit.
So it is with all His promises; they are always for our best. We don’t get all the “good stuff” without compliance with His will, however. God’s promises are not “unconditional”, that is, having nothing required of us in order to receive them. The conditions are always tied to loving obedience to God.
I know God is gracious and merciful, and He sends His rain on the just and the unjust. This is the mercy of God. Lots of times God does good to us and others even when we are not loving and obeying Him. Whether believer or unbeliever in the God of goodness and the goodness of God, God remains true to Himself: He is good, even when we don’t deserve it (Romans 5:8).
But to those who put their faith in Him He offers His “precious and magnificent” promises (II Peter 1:4, NASB). And I cannot help it, I must continue with what Peter said here, “so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust…”. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could just set up camp here and stay awhile! Let these words roll round and round in my mind and try to plumb their depths.
See how this is saying the same thing as Proverbs 3…trust in God, not yourself…fear the Lord…turn away from evil…believe right, live right…it will be health to you! Peter says trust in God, His word; His promises are given so that we may be transformed and escape the corrupting of our souls…the corruption we see in those who refuse the Lord…their lives are desperate and they are being destroyed by their own behaviors (Ephesians 3:18, 19). See how Peter is saying the same thing as Paul when he said God’s plan for each of us is to become like Jesus (Romans 8:29), “partakers of the divine nature”. (Some terminology just blows me away!)
How can we not get excited about all this? It is much bigger than my small life, but my small life is a part of this greater whole. How I relate to God, how I then live out my life is important. No one is overlooked and unimportant in God’s eyes. We are all called to and held to this same high standard. We all will give an account to Him for our lives. In light of this, as Paul says in II Corinthians 5:6-11, “we have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him”.
When we fear the Lord and walk in His ways, we can have the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we can see the “kingdom of God”, the rule of God extended through our lives, affecting the world of people around us.
It is worth it to me to continue to let the Word of God inform my thinking and change my behavior. I will benefit from the promises of God, but an even deeper and more significant change happens in me in the process; I love God more and want to serve Him whole-heartedly…no matter what.
It is in the “no matter what” that we often get to shine brightest for our Lord.
Jacque
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Last Wednesday I drove to Charleston for an appointment with my neurologist. I had not seen her in 2 years because of being in CA for breast cancer treatment. She was amazed and delighted at my physical improvement, MG-wise (Myasthenia Gravis, a severe muscle weakness). I have never seen a doctor of mine smile so much during an appointment!
I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)
My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.
To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.
I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.
“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.
Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.
We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!
So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.
I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.
The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.
Jacque
I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)
My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.
To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.
I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.
“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.
Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.
We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!
So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.
I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.
The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.
Jacque
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
It is quiet around here these days. Not that it is usually noisy, unless a train is going by, but when only one person is in the house there is not much conversation going on, unless I am on the phone or talking to myself. And I usually only talk to myself when I am at the office, I don’t know why.
Randy has been in California the past few days with our sons and families, enjoying playing with the grandchildren. He was there, as I mentioned earlier, because he had an opportunity to drive with our son, Seth, as he moved his (Seth’s that is) mother in law’s belongings across country from Pennsylvania to Colton, CA. They had a safe trip, only one flat on the trailer hauling the car behind the Penske truck, in downtown Las Vegas, and gorgeous vistas all through the mountains of Colorado and on into Utah. Randy said they were taking all kinds of pictures, it was so beautiful. And that was just along the interstate highways (I-70 and I-15). They didn’t even go into any of the national parks.
Randy is flying home today and I pick him up from the airport in Charleston. He will have been gone a week. It was an unanticipated journey, but we are glad he could accompany Seth on that long trip. It is always better to have another person along on such a journey. And it is a joy for us to help our kids. Besides, Randy got to see his grandchildren a few weeks earlier than planned and that was to him, “like Christmas”. Sometimes God gives us these special gifts.
So I have been rattling around in this big house, as a friend commented, the reverse of what had gone on for most of the past year and a half, when I was in California with the children and grandchildren and Randy was here alone in this big old house. I wonder if he talked to himself….
I do not mind being alone, if you are wondering. I like quiet and I am not afraid to be by myself, even at night. But I will be glad when Randy is back. We enjoy being together. God has blessed us with a wonderful relationship and we both are amazed at His kindness to us.
I’ve been reading a little book of two essays by Malcolm Muggeridge, the text of the inaugural addresses he gave back in 1978, of the Pascal Lectures on Christianity and the University, at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada (the book is “The End of Christendom”, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.). Very interesting reading. I need to read Blaise Pascal (1632-1662) on whose writings these lectures were based. Anyway, Muggeridge, toward the end of the first address, says something which resonates with me, not because I identify with his perspective of old age and his particular bodily experience, but I identify with the tenuousness of life, the fragility of life in this body which he speaks of, and the insight gained because of it. Let me quote the passage here for you.
“You know, it’s a funny thing that when you’re very old, as I am, seventy-five and near dying, the queerest thing happens. You very often wake up about two or three in the morning and you are half in and half out of your body, a most peculiar situation. You can see your battered old carcass there between the sheets and it’s quite a tossup whether you resume full occupancy and go through another day or make off where you can see, like the lights in the sky as you’re driving along, the lights of Augustine’s City of God. In that sort of limbo, between being in and out of your body, you have the most extraordinary confidence, a sharpened awareness that this earth of ours with all its inadequacies is an extraordinarily beautiful place, that the experience of living in it is a wonderful, unique experience, that relations with other human beings, human love, human procreation, work, all these things are marvelous and wonderful despite all that can be said about the difficulty of our circumstances; and finally, a conviction passing all belief that as a minute particle of God’s creation, you are a participant in his purposes for his creation and that those purposes are loving and not malign, are creative and not destructive, are universal and not particular. In that confidence is an incredible comfort and an incredible joy.”
Yes! What more is to be said? I know this reality for myself. I have lived enough along the edges of life, being also the edges of death, to know in the deeps of my being the truth of both. We are but a breath. This makes every breath I breathe a gift, special, not to be taken lightly, not to be squandered. God has given me back my life so many times; to me, life, living, means loving God and trying, yes, trying because I am still not very good at it, to love my fellow humans and give them the place in my life I reserve for myself. To love and serve the living God with all I am is all I want to do, to be “a participant in his purposes for his creation”, knowing they are good, that these purposes are something much bigger than “me”. This is worth living for. This makes me get up in the morning.
Even when I feel insignificant, or am tempted to feel that way, when I feel powerless, I am comforted, as Muggeridge notes, because I am part of something much greater than myself. I can with confidence know I have meaning; there is meaning to my life, my existence on this earth. And flows from that, joy. I am free to delight in God’s good world, even when things are not altogether right in the world.
This confidence, this joy and comfort and meaning to life do not flow from within us but are realities only because of the Incarnation, God come in the flesh, in the person of Jesus Christ. Only in embracing that reality, accepting that truth, receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of one’s life, can any of this which Malcolm Muggeridge spoke of and I have been talking about be experienced. Outside of that, you are on your own, and none of the above applies; no confidence that you are part of something which transcends your own existence; no comfort, no joy no sense of meaning in life. All that person can have is what they make up for themselves…and it will die with them.
But while there is breath, there is hope. And I would hope for everyone to take seriously the words and claims of Jesus Christ. He alone holds hope for both this life and the next, time and eternity.
I do not mind being alone, because I am not truly, nor do I feel, alone. My closest companion is the living God, by His Spirit who lives in me. He it is who enables me to delight in His good world, in the beauty of nature around me; to joy in my friendship, companionship, and loving relationship with the husband “of my youth”; to delight in family members and friends; and to know the satisfaction of being occupied with good work. Life is good, because the Giver of Life is Good.
I asked last week for you to pray for my brother, Robert, who had surgery which removed his spleen and part of his pancreas. These problems stem, I believe, from his colon cancer surgery of a few years ago. He has gone home from the hospital and is in pain but improving every day. Please continue to pray for his healing. There are specific conditions which follow this kind of surgery so pray for that complete healing and protection.
Another request I have is for my daughter in law, Monica, Jeremy’s wife, who is carrying their third child and could go into labor at any time. She was supposed to be due in September but is approaching week 36 (next Tuesday, August 25) and the doctor is not sure the baby will wait until then. Her last child (our grandson Emmanuel) came fast and furious; they barely made it to the hospital. So pray for everything to go well, the other 2 children to get to their caregivers quickly (my other son and daughter in law) when the time comes, Jeremy to be there or get there quickly, etc.
Thank you, you who pray for us and these needs I bring up. You bless us.
Jacque
Randy has been in California the past few days with our sons and families, enjoying playing with the grandchildren. He was there, as I mentioned earlier, because he had an opportunity to drive with our son, Seth, as he moved his (Seth’s that is) mother in law’s belongings across country from Pennsylvania to Colton, CA. They had a safe trip, only one flat on the trailer hauling the car behind the Penske truck, in downtown Las Vegas, and gorgeous vistas all through the mountains of Colorado and on into Utah. Randy said they were taking all kinds of pictures, it was so beautiful. And that was just along the interstate highways (I-70 and I-15). They didn’t even go into any of the national parks.
Randy is flying home today and I pick him up from the airport in Charleston. He will have been gone a week. It was an unanticipated journey, but we are glad he could accompany Seth on that long trip. It is always better to have another person along on such a journey. And it is a joy for us to help our kids. Besides, Randy got to see his grandchildren a few weeks earlier than planned and that was to him, “like Christmas”. Sometimes God gives us these special gifts.
So I have been rattling around in this big house, as a friend commented, the reverse of what had gone on for most of the past year and a half, when I was in California with the children and grandchildren and Randy was here alone in this big old house. I wonder if he talked to himself….
I do not mind being alone, if you are wondering. I like quiet and I am not afraid to be by myself, even at night. But I will be glad when Randy is back. We enjoy being together. God has blessed us with a wonderful relationship and we both are amazed at His kindness to us.
I’ve been reading a little book of two essays by Malcolm Muggeridge, the text of the inaugural addresses he gave back in 1978, of the Pascal Lectures on Christianity and the University, at the University of Waterloo, Ontario, Canada (the book is “The End of Christendom”, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co.). Very interesting reading. I need to read Blaise Pascal (1632-1662) on whose writings these lectures were based. Anyway, Muggeridge, toward the end of the first address, says something which resonates with me, not because I identify with his perspective of old age and his particular bodily experience, but I identify with the tenuousness of life, the fragility of life in this body which he speaks of, and the insight gained because of it. Let me quote the passage here for you.
“You know, it’s a funny thing that when you’re very old, as I am, seventy-five and near dying, the queerest thing happens. You very often wake up about two or three in the morning and you are half in and half out of your body, a most peculiar situation. You can see your battered old carcass there between the sheets and it’s quite a tossup whether you resume full occupancy and go through another day or make off where you can see, like the lights in the sky as you’re driving along, the lights of Augustine’s City of God. In that sort of limbo, between being in and out of your body, you have the most extraordinary confidence, a sharpened awareness that this earth of ours with all its inadequacies is an extraordinarily beautiful place, that the experience of living in it is a wonderful, unique experience, that relations with other human beings, human love, human procreation, work, all these things are marvelous and wonderful despite all that can be said about the difficulty of our circumstances; and finally, a conviction passing all belief that as a minute particle of God’s creation, you are a participant in his purposes for his creation and that those purposes are loving and not malign, are creative and not destructive, are universal and not particular. In that confidence is an incredible comfort and an incredible joy.”
Yes! What more is to be said? I know this reality for myself. I have lived enough along the edges of life, being also the edges of death, to know in the deeps of my being the truth of both. We are but a breath. This makes every breath I breathe a gift, special, not to be taken lightly, not to be squandered. God has given me back my life so many times; to me, life, living, means loving God and trying, yes, trying because I am still not very good at it, to love my fellow humans and give them the place in my life I reserve for myself. To love and serve the living God with all I am is all I want to do, to be “a participant in his purposes for his creation”, knowing they are good, that these purposes are something much bigger than “me”. This is worth living for. This makes me get up in the morning.
Even when I feel insignificant, or am tempted to feel that way, when I feel powerless, I am comforted, as Muggeridge notes, because I am part of something much greater than myself. I can with confidence know I have meaning; there is meaning to my life, my existence on this earth. And flows from that, joy. I am free to delight in God’s good world, even when things are not altogether right in the world.
This confidence, this joy and comfort and meaning to life do not flow from within us but are realities only because of the Incarnation, God come in the flesh, in the person of Jesus Christ. Only in embracing that reality, accepting that truth, receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of one’s life, can any of this which Malcolm Muggeridge spoke of and I have been talking about be experienced. Outside of that, you are on your own, and none of the above applies; no confidence that you are part of something which transcends your own existence; no comfort, no joy no sense of meaning in life. All that person can have is what they make up for themselves…and it will die with them.
But while there is breath, there is hope. And I would hope for everyone to take seriously the words and claims of Jesus Christ. He alone holds hope for both this life and the next, time and eternity.
I do not mind being alone, because I am not truly, nor do I feel, alone. My closest companion is the living God, by His Spirit who lives in me. He it is who enables me to delight in His good world, in the beauty of nature around me; to joy in my friendship, companionship, and loving relationship with the husband “of my youth”; to delight in family members and friends; and to know the satisfaction of being occupied with good work. Life is good, because the Giver of Life is Good.
I asked last week for you to pray for my brother, Robert, who had surgery which removed his spleen and part of his pancreas. These problems stem, I believe, from his colon cancer surgery of a few years ago. He has gone home from the hospital and is in pain but improving every day. Please continue to pray for his healing. There are specific conditions which follow this kind of surgery so pray for that complete healing and protection.
Another request I have is for my daughter in law, Monica, Jeremy’s wife, who is carrying their third child and could go into labor at any time. She was supposed to be due in September but is approaching week 36 (next Tuesday, August 25) and the doctor is not sure the baby will wait until then. Her last child (our grandson Emmanuel) came fast and furious; they barely made it to the hospital. So pray for everything to go well, the other 2 children to get to their caregivers quickly (my other son and daughter in law) when the time comes, Jeremy to be there or get there quickly, etc.
Thank you, you who pray for us and these needs I bring up. You bless us.
Jacque
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