As God has been bringing me through the physical pain of recovery from my broken right leg and subsequent surgery, and now the danger to and pain in my left leg, He has been teaching me, going deeper into lessons learned, righting skewed perspectives, and humbling my heart for my lack of faith. How easy it is to criticize those whose stories of faith and struggle are laid bare for us to learn from! Like the account of the disciples, crossing the sea in a boat with Jesus when the great storm arose which began to sink the boat. They were scared to death they were going to drown and chided Jesus for his apparent lack of concern as they cried out for him to save them from certain death (Luke 8:22ff). We look at that and wonder how can they be so dull when they had been with Jesus as he did miracle after miracle of healing, casting out demons, even raising the dead. Jesus, after commanding the wind, calming the storm and sea, himself rebuked the men for their lack of faith in him.

This incident came to my mind just this morning. I have been acting just like those followers of Jesus. I’ve been fearful, crying out to God, focusing on myself to the point I can’t see him clearly and I begin to think he doesn’t care the way he says he does. And though I have been constantly giving my fears back to God as they raise their ugly heads, seeking his peace in exchange, I keep having the same battle over and over again. The root of my problem is lack of faith in the One who is with me “in the boat” in the storm. The One whom I have seen do miracles in the past. Am I so short sighted to forget?

This is why it is so important to give thanks in the process of laying our fears and anxieties on him (Philippians 4:6,7). Among other things, like giving God his due, by thanksgiving in prayer we refocus our attention on him and off of ourselves and our problems, even as we lay our worries at his feet, over and over again.

Being honest with God is good and right, as long as we do what the Psalmists did and that is to refocus on God and praise him for who he is and the great things he has done. Then we begin to build up our faith as we look at the immensity of God, his might which is all-mighty, and his great love and tender compassion for us proven beyond all shadow of doubt in the person and work of Jesus the Messiah. I think this is what is meant by “David encouraged himself in the Lord”. It is when we look at the great realities of God that we begin to have hope in our own circumstances.

The scriptures are full of God telling his people not to fear; God telling Moses, Joshua and the prophets; Jesus telling his disciples not to be afraid; God speaking to Paul and John not to fear, and on and on. God has been reminding me of his mantra of ‘do not fear’, and I need to take heed to it. Do not fear. Definitely a work in progress, but at least it is going on.

More than anything I want to express faith in my Lord, not doubt and fear. I wish to please him above all else. God is pleased when we have (live out) faith in him. Without it we fool ourselves, but not God, for we cannot ever please him without faith, living faith.

So I stumble on. Your prayers strengthen my feeble knees and lift up my hands which sometimes want to hang down in despair. As Amy Carmichael said so well, when God blesses, even the broken pieces are not wasted. I know I have been blessed of God. I have so much to thank God for. He will not, he is not, letting my brokenness go to waste. He will use me to fill other needs in his kingdom. I have, in fact, prayed for that very thing. May it be so.

Randy and I intend to proceed with our plans to drive to Atlanta Thursday (Jan 27) and fly out to California Saturday January 29. Another (yes, another!) winter storm is passing through the area so we are praying for wisdom and safety related to travel. The results of my bone scan done Monday wouldn’t have been available to us until Friday of this week so we are having the results sent to my doctor in California for follow up on my left leg there. I am back to using the wheelchair and walker, under the strict orders and watchful eye of my caregiver, Randy. I can’t get away with anything! He continues to be the sweetest, kindest caregiver ever. I thank God for him.

Thank you for praying for me. There is a spiritual work going on here in our county and we need your prayers for the work of God as well as for ourselves.

Jacque

Be careful what you listen to. About God, what he is really like and how he works. There are the plain words of the Bible which, if we would familiarize yourselves with them and the contexts in which they were written, would give us a clearer picture of the true God. But still, thoughts sometimes come in through the back door of our minds, quietly, stealthily, and stay in the shadows of our thoughts, whispering quite effectively into our minds lies about the Person and character of God. We should not be surprised at this. We should be on our guard against these enemies. But I confess, in the midst of choosing to praise God and affirm his lovingkindness, patience, mercies, forgiveness and all such wonderful traits shown toward me, I have uncovered a nasty villain in the background, lurking and insinuating and stealing from me…peace. It’s the oldest trick around…lies about God (remember Eve and the talking serpent?). I’ve been duped.

I am terrified at the thought that I might be harboring, even if not speaking aloud, thoughts about God which are not true, just like Job’s friends did. They thought they had a corner on the truth. Theologians all. Hah! Were they wrong. And to their souls’ detriment. When I read that God was angry with them for not speaking the truth about Him, I cringe and cry out for forgiveness! I take seriously that God doesn’t stand for lies about himself, especially from those who profess to know him and serve him, even if they are confined to one's mind.

I believe God has, in the midst of my current emotional and spiritual struggles arising from the trauma of my broken right femur, opened a door of understanding in my inner being. An issue (unrelated to my current situation) which has been niggling in the background of my mind, lying all the time about the nature of God, has been exposed for what it is…a lie of the enemy. Now the fears and doubts which have been hanging on and persisting, keeping company with and emboldened by lies, are gone. Vanished and vanquished, by God’s grace and power.

Peace. It is a good way to start a new year, broken leg and all.