We’ve been in California for 3 weeks, I’ve kept all my doctor appointments and made appointments for several months from now when I will return to continue the cycle of medical follow ups. Cancer treatment doesn’t just end abruptly after surgery and chemo and radiation. It goes on for years, going back to see the doctor(s) as they monitor the recovery and health of their patients. I started taking a pill a year ago which I will continue to take four more years. Even though I am “cancer free”, to the best of our knowledge, staying cancer free is a part of the total package; cancer treatment involves not only killing cancer cells now but keeping them at bay so there is no recurrence of cancer. So I keep praying, laying that need in the lap of God, my heavenly Father.
I don’t dwell on the reality of living with cancer in the background of my life. I couldn’t live fully that way. It’s the same with the MG I’ve lived with for over 45 years; if I constantly think about it, it becomes a mental prison in which I restrict my own freedom to live. Cancer and MG are real entities which affect my life in some (very real) respects, but we are made by God to live, not just survive. In the most horrendous physical condition, one can be very much alive, that is, fully engaged in living life. You’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in others and my usual inner response is amazement and deep respect for the one who shines so brightly in my vision. In my own experience with MG, I know this to be true. More depends on the state of our minds and hearts than on the state of our bodies. Anyone who has suffered anything in their body can nod in the affirmative to that!
So watch out, if you talk to me about “quality of life”! Much of life is what we make of it. Without a doubt, though, it sure helps to be surrounded by loving and affirmative relationships with others. People are very important to the well being of others. Good relationships contribute very much to the positive attitudes needed to live happily.
Though I don’t dwell on the problems facing me, I don’t ignore or deny their reality, either. My weakened heart condition is certainly not something I want to ignore. I try to do what is best for my physical welfare. When I am faced with the scariness and fears of my various conditions, I run real fast to my Abba Father. I cry out to Jesus, often with tears, knowing He understands. I give over my fears to Him as often as they come up in my mind, because I know I cannot handle them on my own. Living within the realm of one’s limitations isn’t necessarily limiting, rather, it is freeing. Accepting things as they are frees me to fully live, focusing on what is possible, not on what is not possible. This also frees me to be thankful for what is, and get over what isn’t. Would I like to hike the mountain trails? Sure! But since I cannot, I’m not going to moan and cry over it. Instead, I am happy as a clam to be able to walk, to see, to hear! And I will make the most of it.
Tomorrow, Wednesday, September 30, we leave California and start our drive cross country to West Virginia and home, stopping along the way to visit with friends in Arizona and Colorado. One of our stops will be with Amanda and Christian Hartman in the mountains of Colorado. They worked with us on staff at Mustard Seeds and Mountains, met and married there, in fact. We sort of feel responsible…! What a wonderful way to meet one’s mate, serving the Lord. Now they are building their family and we get to meet the two younger children, having met their first child when they were visiting WV a few years ago. It is a joy to my heart to know children are being raised in loving, godly homes.
Much of October will be travel for us. October is one of our favorite months of the year, too. We’ll have to do as much “time” on the porch as we can possibly squeeze in while home in Elkhorn, WV. It is therapeutic, that porch sitting. Our porch, a gift from God….
Hope you can enjoy some “porch” time, too,
Jacque
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Medical tests, doctor’s appointment, with more to come. Living and visiting with family members, playing with grandchildren, being on hand for the birth of our 4th grandchild, spending time with friends from church. These are some of the things I have been doing the past couple of weeks since Randy and I flew to California Labor Day weekend.
Have I mentioned the 3 digit temperatures? But what wonderful times when it has been “cooler” in the evenings, or early mornings when I go for my daily walk. Today it is hot but clear; you can see the surrounding mountains and they are always inspiring to me. And it is always a joy to see blue sky when you live in southern California!
I learned at my first doctor’s appointment, which was with my cardiologist, that my heart has not improved very much. It was damaged by the Herceptin which targets a receptor on the cancer cells, hence my oncologist’s decision to discontinue it, and the reason I could go back home earlier in the summer than first anticipated. The force with which the heart pumps blood is called the ejection fraction and mine had declined to 30-35%. Not good. It now is at about 40%. So my cardiologist is keeping me on my current regimen of 3 different heart medications. She also mentioned some fluid around the heart but I do not know how serious it is in my case. Please continue to pray for healing of my heart.
I also had a bone density test done (something I have had annually for several years) and will find out the results Monday. This is important because for over 10 years I have had to take Fosamax off and on to build bone, due to long term Prednisone use for the MG (myasthenia gravis), one of the side effects of which is loss of calcium leading to osteoporosis. Danger of this disease is enhanced now because of the cancer treatment. This is one reason I must walk every day. Please pray for strengthening of my bones.
I learned last week that my oncologist is on 2 month medical leave so I will be seeing another doctor who is seeing his patients for him. Please pray for Dr. Godfrey’s healing.
So many unknowns. So many opportunities to trust God. So many promises of God to contemplate, turning them over and studying them as a treasure. I don’t go looking for them to wave in God’s face. But I find them throughout His word and they give me lots to think about, and much comfort.
In my reading of Proverbs I came across something which directly speaks to one of my current needs. In chapter 3 the speaker is admonishing to trust God completely and not trust in one’s own knowledge and understanding. We are to “acknowledge God” in everything, in “all our ways”. I’ve tried to make this part of my life and so when something turns out well in our eyes or we accomplish something, you will often hear me say “Praise the Lord”, by way of giving back to Him the glory for it. I may have done my best in the situation, or others the same, but my hope is not in “my best” nor in the good efforts of others, as needful as those are and which are to be desired and expected. No, no matter how we plan and work toward our goals, the result is from the Lord (Prov. 3:5-6; 16:3). I can always feel good about doing a good job in carrying out my responsibilities, but not to the point of thinking it was all about me, that I carried the day. This is what the wise teacher means by “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones” (Prov. 3:7, 8). To fear the Lord is to humbly accept His teachings, embrace His truth and let it inform (our minds) and transform us (our behaviors). When we live according to His ways, things happen on our behalf which would not otherwise have taken place. And this is definitely to our benefit.
So it is with all His promises; they are always for our best. We don’t get all the “good stuff” without compliance with His will, however. God’s promises are not “unconditional”, that is, having nothing required of us in order to receive them. The conditions are always tied to loving obedience to God.
I know God is gracious and merciful, and He sends His rain on the just and the unjust. This is the mercy of God. Lots of times God does good to us and others even when we are not loving and obeying Him. Whether believer or unbeliever in the God of goodness and the goodness of God, God remains true to Himself: He is good, even when we don’t deserve it (Romans 5:8).
But to those who put their faith in Him He offers His “precious and magnificent” promises (II Peter 1:4, NASB). And I cannot help it, I must continue with what Peter said here, “so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust…”. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could just set up camp here and stay awhile! Let these words roll round and round in my mind and try to plumb their depths.
See how this is saying the same thing as Proverbs 3…trust in God, not yourself…fear the Lord…turn away from evil…believe right, live right…it will be health to you! Peter says trust in God, His word; His promises are given so that we may be transformed and escape the corrupting of our souls…the corruption we see in those who refuse the Lord…their lives are desperate and they are being destroyed by their own behaviors (Ephesians 3:18, 19). See how Peter is saying the same thing as Paul when he said God’s plan for each of us is to become like Jesus (Romans 8:29), “partakers of the divine nature”. (Some terminology just blows me away!)
How can we not get excited about all this? It is much bigger than my small life, but my small life is a part of this greater whole. How I relate to God, how I then live out my life is important. No one is overlooked and unimportant in God’s eyes. We are all called to and held to this same high standard. We all will give an account to Him for our lives. In light of this, as Paul says in II Corinthians 5:6-11, “we have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him”.
When we fear the Lord and walk in His ways, we can have the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we can see the “kingdom of God”, the rule of God extended through our lives, affecting the world of people around us.
It is worth it to me to continue to let the Word of God inform my thinking and change my behavior. I will benefit from the promises of God, but an even deeper and more significant change happens in me in the process; I love God more and want to serve Him whole-heartedly…no matter what.
It is in the “no matter what” that we often get to shine brightest for our Lord.
Jacque
Have I mentioned the 3 digit temperatures? But what wonderful times when it has been “cooler” in the evenings, or early mornings when I go for my daily walk. Today it is hot but clear; you can see the surrounding mountains and they are always inspiring to me. And it is always a joy to see blue sky when you live in southern California!
I learned at my first doctor’s appointment, which was with my cardiologist, that my heart has not improved very much. It was damaged by the Herceptin which targets a receptor on the cancer cells, hence my oncologist’s decision to discontinue it, and the reason I could go back home earlier in the summer than first anticipated. The force with which the heart pumps blood is called the ejection fraction and mine had declined to 30-35%. Not good. It now is at about 40%. So my cardiologist is keeping me on my current regimen of 3 different heart medications. She also mentioned some fluid around the heart but I do not know how serious it is in my case. Please continue to pray for healing of my heart.
I also had a bone density test done (something I have had annually for several years) and will find out the results Monday. This is important because for over 10 years I have had to take Fosamax off and on to build bone, due to long term Prednisone use for the MG (myasthenia gravis), one of the side effects of which is loss of calcium leading to osteoporosis. Danger of this disease is enhanced now because of the cancer treatment. This is one reason I must walk every day. Please pray for strengthening of my bones.
I learned last week that my oncologist is on 2 month medical leave so I will be seeing another doctor who is seeing his patients for him. Please pray for Dr. Godfrey’s healing.
So many unknowns. So many opportunities to trust God. So many promises of God to contemplate, turning them over and studying them as a treasure. I don’t go looking for them to wave in God’s face. But I find them throughout His word and they give me lots to think about, and much comfort.
In my reading of Proverbs I came across something which directly speaks to one of my current needs. In chapter 3 the speaker is admonishing to trust God completely and not trust in one’s own knowledge and understanding. We are to “acknowledge God” in everything, in “all our ways”. I’ve tried to make this part of my life and so when something turns out well in our eyes or we accomplish something, you will often hear me say “Praise the Lord”, by way of giving back to Him the glory for it. I may have done my best in the situation, or others the same, but my hope is not in “my best” nor in the good efforts of others, as needful as those are and which are to be desired and expected. No, no matter how we plan and work toward our goals, the result is from the Lord (Prov. 3:5-6; 16:3). I can always feel good about doing a good job in carrying out my responsibilities, but not to the point of thinking it was all about me, that I carried the day. This is what the wise teacher means by “don’t be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones” (Prov. 3:7, 8). To fear the Lord is to humbly accept His teachings, embrace His truth and let it inform (our minds) and transform us (our behaviors). When we live according to His ways, things happen on our behalf which would not otherwise have taken place. And this is definitely to our benefit.
So it is with all His promises; they are always for our best. We don’t get all the “good stuff” without compliance with His will, however. God’s promises are not “unconditional”, that is, having nothing required of us in order to receive them. The conditions are always tied to loving obedience to God.
I know God is gracious and merciful, and He sends His rain on the just and the unjust. This is the mercy of God. Lots of times God does good to us and others even when we are not loving and obeying Him. Whether believer or unbeliever in the God of goodness and the goodness of God, God remains true to Himself: He is good, even when we don’t deserve it (Romans 5:8).
But to those who put their faith in Him He offers His “precious and magnificent” promises (II Peter 1:4, NASB). And I cannot help it, I must continue with what Peter said here, “so that by them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped the corruption that is in the world by lust…”. Now, I don’t know about you, but I could just set up camp here and stay awhile! Let these words roll round and round in my mind and try to plumb their depths.
See how this is saying the same thing as Proverbs 3…trust in God, not yourself…fear the Lord…turn away from evil…believe right, live right…it will be health to you! Peter says trust in God, His word; His promises are given so that we may be transformed and escape the corrupting of our souls…the corruption we see in those who refuse the Lord…their lives are desperate and they are being destroyed by their own behaviors (Ephesians 3:18, 19). See how Peter is saying the same thing as Paul when he said God’s plan for each of us is to become like Jesus (Romans 8:29), “partakers of the divine nature”. (Some terminology just blows me away!)
How can we not get excited about all this? It is much bigger than my small life, but my small life is a part of this greater whole. How I relate to God, how I then live out my life is important. No one is overlooked and unimportant in God’s eyes. We are all called to and held to this same high standard. We all will give an account to Him for our lives. In light of this, as Paul says in II Corinthians 5:6-11, “we have as our ambition…to be pleasing to Him”.
When we fear the Lord and walk in His ways, we can have the promises of God fulfilled in our lives, we can see the “kingdom of God”, the rule of God extended through our lives, affecting the world of people around us.
It is worth it to me to continue to let the Word of God inform my thinking and change my behavior. I will benefit from the promises of God, but an even deeper and more significant change happens in me in the process; I love God more and want to serve Him whole-heartedly…no matter what.
It is in the “no matter what” that we often get to shine brightest for our Lord.
Jacque
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Last Wednesday I drove to Charleston for an appointment with my neurologist. I had not seen her in 2 years because of being in CA for breast cancer treatment. She was amazed and delighted at my physical improvement, MG-wise (Myasthenia Gravis, a severe muscle weakness). I have never seen a doctor of mine smile so much during an appointment!
I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)
My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.
To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.
I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.
“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.
Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.
We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!
So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.
I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.
The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.
Jacque
I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)
My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.
To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.
I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.
“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.
Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.
We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!
So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.
I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.
The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.
Jacque
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