“Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”  Psalm 142: 7 NIV

Today in my regular daily reading of the Psalms I came to Psalm 142. Though I have other margin notes next to verse 7 dating back to 1992, I remember this verse mostly for a different reason. But days before I read that verse, I had come to this verse in Psalm 111:1.  Here is my response:

             Praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart…(Psalm111:1a) NASB

            No, I don’t feel like praising God today. I just got this diagnosis of cancer. Cancer! It can kill me! God, I’m not happy about this and I don’t feel like praising You….

            …but I know I have to. I won’t survive unless I change my mind. Oh God my Father, help me!

            I will praise the LORD…I don’t feel like it, but I choose to praise Him…in the company of the upright and in the assembly.

           Great are the works of the LORD… (Psalm 111: 1b, 2a).

My margin note next to verse 1: “Verse after my breast cancer diagnosis Dec 2007. A choice to praise” (I underlined the word “choice”).

From my darkness of soul I came face to face with Light… and Life. I had a choice to make, right then, not the next day; this choice could not be put off. To not choose was to choose. If I chose not to choose to praise God in that moment, I was choosing not to praise God at all. The choice wouldn’t be easier the next day.

In a nano second I knew all this. My emotions were not a part of the equation here. Emotions must never be considered at such times! My Will had to decide. It is always a matter of the Will. Emotions will follow where the Will chooses to go.

I had learned enough through the years about the Lord I was supposed to praise that I recognized Who He is and in that Light, based on what I knew of this God, I made my decision.

            I will praise the LORD! I will give thanks to the LORD with all my heart. (v.1)

            I am going to publicly praise Him. I will praise Him before His people, “in the company of the upright and in the assembly”.

            Great are the works of the LORD….the LORD is gracious and compassionate (verses 2, 4).

Knowing this, I chose life, I chose to praise this gracious and compassionate and wonder working God. I chose hope for there is hope in no one and in nothing else.

Scrolling forward a few days, in my reading I came to Psalm 142:7. “Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me.” 

This verse resonated within me. Cancer and its threat on my life and the muscle weakness (MG) which I’d had since 13 years of age, felt like “prison”. I asked God to free me from that prison so I could praise His name. Then the outcome of Him setting me free would be that His people, the righteous ones, “will gather about me because of your goodness to me.”

In that moment I made verse 7 my prayer. The outcome would be glory to God for His amazing work in this poor body. Because every chance I got, I would point out His goodness and mercy and works of might on my behalf.

Scroll forward again about 4 years to today when I read that verse again but now see some of the answers to my prayer. For almost 4 years I have been cancer free. For that long I have been stronger than ever I’ve been since 13 years old, when the muscle weakness (MG) began to manifest itself. Hundreds of people have learned of God’s goodness to me and praise Him for it.

Is this God I chose to praise in the fire truly a God of goodness, a God gracious and compassionate?

He had my vote then, He has it today.