I know you’ve been waiting to hear how my Monday, May 11, appointment went with the oncologist. He reviewed my echocardiogram results and since there was no improvement to my weakened heart, even after a rest of 6 weeks (from infusions of Herceptin) and since the Herceptin is the cause of the weakening of my heart, he decided to completely discontinue the Herceptin. Though the usual course of administration of Herceptin is 12 months, and I have only had 7 months, he feels I’ve had a sufficient amount to give me added protection against recurrence of the breast cancer. I am not trusting in that though. My hope is in the Lord, to whom we all have cried out for healing. I have a lot of confidence in my doctors here. They are some of the best, as are the nurses. I am extremely thankful for them all, and that my treatment could be here. But my hope will always be in God alone.

So what does all this mean? Well, after some tests, the surgical removal of the port-a-cath in my chest (through which the infusions were administered), another visit to the oncologist in 3 weeks, and a raft of other doctor follow-up appointments (right now I count 9 appointments, not including the surgery, in the next 5 weeks!), I will be free to go home! I am waiting to find out the date of the surgery for the port-a-cath removal and hope to make flight arrangements to go home around the latter part of June.
I would appreciate your prayers for this surgery. I will probably have the local and twilight types of anesthesia like a year ago when I had the port-a-cath placed. The difference now is that my heart is weaker and I do not know if that will affect anything. Let’s pray it doesn’t.

Another issue is that for the next 2 years I must be back here for follow-up visits with my oncologist every 3 months. Then for a couple of years it will be every 4 months, then 6 months, and so on. So there will be a lot of flying to and from California. Pray for God’s provision for that.

I realized this morning that I am under more stress than I was aware of. As Randy said recently, I’ve gone through a lot over the past 18 months, from the diagnosis of my breast cancer in December 2007, decisions of where to get treatment, fear of cancer and fear of how I would tolerate treatments because of the MG, changing residences from WV to CA and living in others’ homes, going through 2 surgeries, 2 chemotherapy regimens, losing my hair and slowly gaining it back, radiation and ongoing Herceptin infusions, and everything else medical with it, months of separation from Randy, to the joys of being with children and grandchildren, and even new friends and ministry in the local church. Now I’ve had the brakes put on suddenly and must shift gears to prepare myself for leaving all this to go back and resume my life in West Virginia; it is taking an emotional toll.

When I left the oncologist’s office after learning this was the “wrap” call for my cancer treatment (other than the next several years of follow-up visits and taking a pill for 5 years), I would have “waves” of emotion roll over me; I would think, “I’m going home” and grin and get choked up and teary eyed. Then when I think about leaving my grandchildren for months at a time, I also get choked up! Or I’ve had “bubbles” of emotion rise suddenly to the surface, so to speak, and take me by surprise, notably impatience and vexation, “Whoa! Where’d that come from?”. Well I think God is gently letting me see that I need to recognize this emotional reality and learn to live with it. For me that means pulling back to solitude as much as I can. That is how I am wired. It is good to know these things and I am thankful I have learned that much about myself. I appreciate so much your prayers for me, even when you may not know what I need at any given time; God does know.

So amidst all I have to do between now and the time I actually board a plane for WV, I will attempt to stay aware of my emotional needs and make the necessary adjustments, the allowances needed so that I can stay in a state of equilibrium spiritually, which will mean health physically as well.

I pray I will not get overwhelmed with all that I need to do. My prayer times are often times of crying out to God, thanking him, praising him for his mercy and compassion, his goodness to me. For all the good things and especially the people in my life. Oh how God has poured out his grace and mercy on me! I just want my life to express his strength and joy…that is, that I would live my life as a song of praise to God, full of faith in him, bringing him joy, which in turn is my strength.

Be strong in the Lord. You encourage me. May I in turn encourage you.

Jacque