Last Wednesday I drove to Charleston for an appointment with my neurologist. I had not seen her in 2 years because of being in CA for breast cancer treatment. She was amazed and delighted at my physical improvement, MG-wise (Myasthenia Gravis, a severe muscle weakness). I have never seen a doctor of mine smile so much during an appointment!

I have been praying for a long time to be able to get off the heavy duty immune-suppressing drugs I take for the myasthenia. Drugs like this always carry, with their benefits, serious undesirable side-effects. Last November I was able to stop taking Mestinon (which is not immumosuppressive but helps maintain strength in the muscles) which is an amazing thing to us still. We have been praying for God to heal me of the MG, and giving Him the praise for this strength and healing, so as I approached this appointment with my neurologist, I prayed that if God wants me off the biggies that He would move the doctor’s heart to OK decreasing the doses. (These drugs are, as my doctor said, chemotherapy for the MG…I just take them every day rather than in gigantic doses like I did for cancer. A former doctor referred to them as heavy duty “toxins”.)

My doctor finds it interesting that as a myasthenic I am stronger after cancer treatment, stronger than I have ever been in the 46 years I’ve had the disease and certainly stronger than she has ever seen me. She wonders at any correlations between the chemotherapies used in cancer treatment and MG treatment. However, she is also concerned that if I cut back on immune suppressing drugs that I will lose strength. So she ordered a blood test which will give her the levels of specific anti-bodies (ACH anti-bodies titer) in my system, which will give her information to determine whether or not she should let me cut back on these drugs.

To this point this is a positive response, in my mind. So far, though cautious and tentative, she is willing to look at certain “evidence” which will, in her mind as a professional in the field, point her to the best course of action for me, her patient. This is where I am trusting God to lead the way. He is Sovereign. I am asking Him to intervene to accomplish His will for me in relation to the MG. We have asked Him for healing; the ball is still in His court.

I cannot “will” my healing. By sheer effort of will I cannot “add one year to (my) life”, as Jesus taught. But I actually went through a time, many years ago, when I tried that. I thought if I wanted it badly enough and believed hard enough, even cut back on my pills “in faith”, that I would get stronger….It didn’t work. That is not what Jesus and the rest of Scripture teaches us.

“Faith” and “prayer” are not about conjuring and magic. They are about relationship with the Everlasting God, the God who is lord and master over all, Sovereign, even though we have little concept of those things from our culture. He is not like the false gods of other religions, to be cajoled, placated, even bribed to do good for and to us. Our faith is not just in what God can do, but in Himself, in who He is. What He does comes out of who He is. Desiring God Himself should be more important to us than desiring only what He can do for us.

Certainly we cry out to Him when we are in need, when we are hurting, whatever form that hurt may take. Since He is a compassionate and gracious God, a God who is long on lovingkindness, He acts in mercy and grace towards us, especially when we cry out to Him. We gain great comfort and confidence from this. But we cannot coerce God to do whatever we want whenever we want it. God is much wiser than that. He knows what He has planned for us and what will be best for us in the greater scheme of things. This is where our faith must take root; believing God is who He says He is. It is all throughout scripture, if we will only see.

We have come to God in faith, asking this favor of healing. He has answered with strength for me through a very difficult time in my life, cancer treatment, a time when we didn’t know what lay ahead for me, if I’d even be able to undergo all the surgeries, chemotherapies and radiation over 18 months of time. Not knowing if I’d even make it through all those assaults to my body, not even knowing if they would help in the eradication of cancer from my body. Wonder of wonders, I came through stronger than when I went in! And God has answered prayer to eliminate cancer from my body. Please do not stop praying God keep it that way!

So here I am, waiting for my doctor appointment in early November to find out the blood test results and my neurologist’s decision as to whether or not I should cut back on the MG “chemotherapies”. If God can turn the hearts of kings like He can turn the course of a river, and I believe He can, He can lead my doctor to the correct course of action for me. And the timing and the “how to” is all up to Him. He knows what is best for me in the greater scheme of His plans for His world.

I am praying for healing, for it to continue and be complete. I am thanking God every day for the strength and health I am enjoying. But I walk by faith. Faith in the God who Is, who rewards those who come to Him in faith, for it is faith which pleases Him. Faith in Himself.

The ball is in His court, and He knows best how to serve it.

Jacque