Life can sometimes seem to be a series of “hurry up and wait” periods. This has seemed like one of those times. So we loosen our grip and settle back. We cannot change some things.

Randy arrived here Tuesday, March 15, to be with me as we make hard decisions. Two days later we visited my orthopedic surgeon and he confirmed (based on the PET scan results) there is damage to the upper portion of the left femur and as a protection against fracture and to eliminate the pain in my left leg, surgery to place rods in the left femur was recommended. The choice is mine, ultimately. Though it appears there is no cancer involvement, a bone biopsy would still be done during surgery.

Randy and I had a few days to consider our response since the doctor called me the day following my PET scan, giving me the results. That was fast! The scan showed there probably was not cancer in the bone, but there is some sort of damage to the bone, most likely due to Fosamax usage for over 10 years, and surgery is recommended.

We have decided to pursue getting the surgery done as soon as possible, as unpleasant as it is to contemplate. The doctor said my healing and recovery time should be faster since there is no fracture in the left leg compared to when I had a fracture to deal with in the surgery done on my right leg. The insurance, he said, with the evidence of the tests I’ve had, should pay for the surgery.

So that is where we were a few days ago. The insurance company had to review the doctor’s notes but I received a call back from the doctor’s office saying they did approve the surgery and the date has been set for April 12.

I also need a couple of units of my own blood collected in case we need it in surgery. That will put off the surgery about 3 weeks. And the issue for us in waiting, is that Randy needs to be back in WV by early May. I will need his help in the first few weeks after coming back home from the hospital so it is going to be very close. I have my first appointment today at the Blood donor center to collect the first unit of my blood.

Please pray with us that all goes well with every aspect of the pre-surgery preparation and that Randy’s time here will be all I need before he has to fly back to WV. He was such a help and comfort to me in my last surgery and initial home recovery period. I am praying I can come straight back here to (our son’s) home after 2-3 days in hospital following surgery.

I’ve struggled through some issues again, God helping me. It is never easy when these things happen to us, when hard decisions are called for, when we face pain and unpleasantness, when life takes a turn you weren’t expecting. There is help and comfort, wisdom and guidance for us when we go to the Lord, time after time. But though He is near and able to give grace, the realities still face you and you must work through each issue as it arises. And as you know, there are never any simple issues, no easy answers! We appreciate your concern and prayers for us as we continue to seek the Lord for His direction in our lives and ministry.

So, what is going on at Mustard Seeds’ headquarters in West Virginia? Our staff is once again admirably “holding down the fort”. Teams have been there this month and they still encouraged Randy to come out and be with me. When teams are in, everyone’s work load changes. The days become longer since they have to work with the teams in the evenings as well as during the days.

In May we have summer interns arriving who must be trained for the work they will do all summer in leading teams in home repair for the needy, elderly and disabled. Even now we are still in the hiring mode to have all the interns we need for the summer work load. Lacy is busy assessing homes and lining up work which will be done by the many teams coming to WV this summer. We have many youth and adult teams as well as more and more family teams.

I continue to communicate (via email and phone) with both “booked” teams and prospective teams as we move toward the summer months. It is all quite exciting when you stop and realize the potential for good all this work represents!

And we as Mustard Seeds staff continue to prepare our hearts for true revival in McDowell County, the kind God wants. We seek Him and have open ears and hearts so that He can accomplish His will through us. Pray with us to that end. Revival must always start with the ones praying for it….

Jacque

The days are warming and, in fact, Spring will officially be here in just a couple of weeks. Since arriving in southern California a few weeks ago I’ve had 7 doctor’s appointments and tests with 2 more to go next week before a 5 week hiatus with no appointments! For all these I have depended on either borrowing a son and daughter in law’s car or being driven by one of them to my appointments. I am thankful for their kind willingness to serve me in these ways. Randy plans to drive our car out here to California once again, in April, so I will have a car of our own to use.

I have my ups and downs with my legs, generally “up”. Currently I continue to be very cautious walking, especially when outdoors and on uneven ground. There is a library directly across the street from the home in which I live and it is very hard for me not to just up and walk over there! I love libraries, all the books, all the wealth of knowledge and information available. But I must consider the walk itself and my safety. I used to go on long walks all alone; now I cannot do that. Not until I have healing in these legs. I am trusting God to effect that, so that my life can move back into the area of activity I used to know.

So what do I do with my time? I have plenty to occupy myself! Among the things I do, I spend a good bit of each day on the computer in communication with teams and prospective teams for Mission as Life trips this summer, and other related aspects of it. Booking mission trips has been one of my responsibilities at Mustard Seeds and Mountains for a number of years and one which I enjoy as well. With internet access and telephone I can do this from anywhere in the world.

I often communicate with Shawna in the Mustard Seeds’ office in Elkhorn, WV. Sometimes she calls me with questions or issues related to any number of things that must be dealt with in the corporate offices of a Christian non-profit organization, and together we are able to make sure things are running properly, or I call or email her to look something up which I cannot physically do because of being here, but she can do there in the office. I call staff when they have their staff meetings so I can participate on the conference phone, one of the gadgets we also often use for Board of Directors meetings as well. Wonderful technological inventions which enable us to work together even though separated by thousands of miles.

A couple of years ago at a missions conference the hosting church Skyped a missionary couple in South Africa. So even though this couple and their children were unable to be with us in person at the conference, we all got to listen to them speak and see them on a large screen at the same time. Amazing. Good uses of technology.

Speaking of missions conferences, Randy is winding up a week in Roswell, GA, at the annual missions conference of Fellowship Bible Church. He’s called me every day (and I’m glad because we miss each other) and said it has been a good week.

He had been asked to speak to our fellow missionaries one afternoon.We are thankful for this opportunity, and for the chance to supply those missionary friends with copies of the book, Mission as Life: Making the Kingdom of God Your Family’s Passion. Hundreds of families in the church also have the opportunity to acquire the book as well. It is our prayer that God’s people will be encouraged and challenged by reading it. We are convinced this book can be a powerful tool for the advancement of God’s Kingdom. We want to see it get into the hands, and hearts, of thousands of God’s people, and not only that, but its principles and truths put into practice by thousands of families! We all are called to be faithful to carry out God’s purposes in our generation, our lifetime. We pray this book will spur many on to that goal in their lives and the lives of their children, carrying the Gospel of Jesus Christ into the next generation. (I guess I should add that you can read the Introduction to the book to get a taste of what it has to offer, and purchase a copy by going to www.missionaslife.com or www.mustardseeds.org .)

Please continue to pray for us as we look to the Lord for guidance and strength in our own lives and that of Mustard Seeds and Mountains, guiding this ministry into the years ahead. Pray for our staff back in West Virginia as they carry on with their usual work and also begin the Spring Mission as Life mission trip season, starting this Sunday, March 6; and for Randy as he lends leadership to the entire ministry. It is a big responsibility. And it holds potential for great works of the Lord and much fruit. Pray with us to that end!

Jacque

I’m back in sunny southern California. I can get out of the house to sit on the porch and get into the car for travel to appointments and church and elsewhere without the assistance of another person to help Randy carry me in my wheelchair up to the car! That was the scenario at our home in West Virginia. I am back to walking, mostly unaided, but use a cane when out and when I need it in the house to take weight off my left leg. Funny (metaphorically speaking…because literally it is not funny) that my “good” leg (the left) is now the “bad” leg. So, really, I have 2 “bad” legs! But I my right leg, which broke and has a surgically placed titanium rod in it, is healing up well, according to the doctor.

I saw my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Yu, the same one who replaced Randy’s knee 3 years ago when out here, and he gave us the results of my bone scan, letting us see the actual image on the computer. There is “activity” in my left leg which indicates it is possibly healing tiny fractures and is at risk of a break, like my right leg experienced. Not a nice thought. I do not want to go through that again. Surgery to place a rod in the femur would stabilize the bone, however, insurance companies do not pay for those kinds of preventative surgeries. And having seen the claims sent to my insurance for the bills for my medical care in December, there is no way we could pay for such a surgery out of pocket.

So what are the alternatives? Being very, very careful, for one! I am also going the route of nutritional supplementation. And I am avoiding busy places with lots of people such as stores, but I still go to church on Sundays.

But first and foremost I have requested prayer for healing. God is the one who makes medicine “work”; he makes healing possible and actual. This is what the Psalmist was talking about when he wrote in Psalm 33:16-21 (parenthetical comments and emphases mine)—“The king is not saved by a mighty army (though he has one); a warrior is not delivered by great strength (though he has it). A horse is a false hope for victory (though he is used in battle); nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear him, on those who hope for his lovingkindness, to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine. Our soul waits for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. For our heart rejoices in him, because we trust in his holy name.

I believe in seeking the best medical help I can find, just like the king goes to war with a strong, well trained army. But my trust, my hope is not in even the best of medical technology or skill. That in itself will not guarantee my good health. My hope is in the LORD who created us and is the Healer.

When we were in Dr. Yu’s office, the orthopedic surgeon, Randy and I having prayed beforehand for God’s wisdom for the doctor, Dr. Yu asked us to bow our heads and prayed with us for God to give him wisdom and guidance as he sought what was best for me, his patient. We knew this about Dr. Yu from when he treated Randy, and besides his great knowledge and skill as an orthopedic surgeon (he is a doctor for Olympic athletes), we have been greatly impressed with his faith in God, which is very evident, even just walking into his lovely office. There is great comfort for us knowing our doctor, one of the top in his field, humbly seeks the Lord too!

As you have probably figured out by now, my stay in California will be a long one. All this has confirmed in our minds the rightness of Randy’s initial feeling that I should come here for recuperation because it is so much safer than back at our home in West Virginia. We have no idea when my leg will improve, how long it will take. By God’s grace I will have healing and improvement so that my “bad” leg indeed becomes a “good” leg again. We both appreciate your prayers for me, for safety and healing, and for the two of us as we seek the Lord’s wisdom for all the ramifications of my condition.

Randy is back in West Virginia and I do Mustard Seeds work via computer and telephone from here in CA. We will have long periods of separation when he is in WV and I remain here, which is not pleasant for us, but necessary. We remind ourselves other servants of the Lord have suffered much worse, and do suffer worse, in their commitment to serving God and extending his kingdom on the earth. He will give us grace. Pray for us, for you strengthen us by your prayers.

God is at work in McDowell County, WV, and we were this week reminded of it by a public entity asking one of our staff members to hold prayer for and with their employees just this morning. This event served as the reminder that God wants true spiritual revival in the church in McDowell County more than we do! We just get to be a part of what he is doing. God put it into Randy’s heart to begin a prayer campaign to the end that the church would be called back to the Lord and strengthened so that they can and will reach out into their communities to those without hope, without Jesus Christ, loving them into the kingdom of God, training them up in the ways of the Lord. Pray for us and the church in McDowell County.

Jacque

As God has been bringing me through the physical pain of recovery from my broken right leg and subsequent surgery, and now the danger to and pain in my left leg, He has been teaching me, going deeper into lessons learned, righting skewed perspectives, and humbling my heart for my lack of faith. How easy it is to criticize those whose stories of faith and struggle are laid bare for us to learn from! Like the account of the disciples, crossing the sea in a boat with Jesus when the great storm arose which began to sink the boat. They were scared to death they were going to drown and chided Jesus for his apparent lack of concern as they cried out for him to save them from certain death (Luke 8:22ff). We look at that and wonder how can they be so dull when they had been with Jesus as he did miracle after miracle of healing, casting out demons, even raising the dead. Jesus, after commanding the wind, calming the storm and sea, himself rebuked the men for their lack of faith in him.

This incident came to my mind just this morning. I have been acting just like those followers of Jesus. I’ve been fearful, crying out to God, focusing on myself to the point I can’t see him clearly and I begin to think he doesn’t care the way he says he does. And though I have been constantly giving my fears back to God as they raise their ugly heads, seeking his peace in exchange, I keep having the same battle over and over again. The root of my problem is lack of faith in the One who is with me “in the boat” in the storm. The One whom I have seen do miracles in the past. Am I so short sighted to forget?

This is why it is so important to give thanks in the process of laying our fears and anxieties on him (Philippians 4:6,7). Among other things, like giving God his due, by thanksgiving in prayer we refocus our attention on him and off of ourselves and our problems, even as we lay our worries at his feet, over and over again.

Being honest with God is good and right, as long as we do what the Psalmists did and that is to refocus on God and praise him for who he is and the great things he has done. Then we begin to build up our faith as we look at the immensity of God, his might which is all-mighty, and his great love and tender compassion for us proven beyond all shadow of doubt in the person and work of Jesus the Messiah. I think this is what is meant by “David encouraged himself in the Lord”. It is when we look at the great realities of God that we begin to have hope in our own circumstances.

The scriptures are full of God telling his people not to fear; God telling Moses, Joshua and the prophets; Jesus telling his disciples not to be afraid; God speaking to Paul and John not to fear, and on and on. God has been reminding me of his mantra of ‘do not fear’, and I need to take heed to it. Do not fear. Definitely a work in progress, but at least it is going on.

More than anything I want to express faith in my Lord, not doubt and fear. I wish to please him above all else. God is pleased when we have (live out) faith in him. Without it we fool ourselves, but not God, for we cannot ever please him without faith, living faith.

So I stumble on. Your prayers strengthen my feeble knees and lift up my hands which sometimes want to hang down in despair. As Amy Carmichael said so well, when God blesses, even the broken pieces are not wasted. I know I have been blessed of God. I have so much to thank God for. He will not, he is not, letting my brokenness go to waste. He will use me to fill other needs in his kingdom. I have, in fact, prayed for that very thing. May it be so.

Randy and I intend to proceed with our plans to drive to Atlanta Thursday (Jan 27) and fly out to California Saturday January 29. Another (yes, another!) winter storm is passing through the area so we are praying for wisdom and safety related to travel. The results of my bone scan done Monday wouldn’t have been available to us until Friday of this week so we are having the results sent to my doctor in California for follow up on my left leg there. I am back to using the wheelchair and walker, under the strict orders and watchful eye of my caregiver, Randy. I can’t get away with anything! He continues to be the sweetest, kindest caregiver ever. I thank God for him.

Thank you for praying for me. There is a spiritual work going on here in our county and we need your prayers for the work of God as well as for ourselves.

Jacque

Be careful what you listen to. About God, what he is really like and how he works. There are the plain words of the Bible which, if we would familiarize yourselves with them and the contexts in which they were written, would give us a clearer picture of the true God. But still, thoughts sometimes come in through the back door of our minds, quietly, stealthily, and stay in the shadows of our thoughts, whispering quite effectively into our minds lies about the Person and character of God. We should not be surprised at this. We should be on our guard against these enemies. But I confess, in the midst of choosing to praise God and affirm his lovingkindness, patience, mercies, forgiveness and all such wonderful traits shown toward me, I have uncovered a nasty villain in the background, lurking and insinuating and stealing from me…peace. It’s the oldest trick around…lies about God (remember Eve and the talking serpent?). I’ve been duped.

I am terrified at the thought that I might be harboring, even if not speaking aloud, thoughts about God which are not true, just like Job’s friends did. They thought they had a corner on the truth. Theologians all. Hah! Were they wrong. And to their souls’ detriment. When I read that God was angry with them for not speaking the truth about Him, I cringe and cry out for forgiveness! I take seriously that God doesn’t stand for lies about himself, especially from those who profess to know him and serve him, even if they are confined to one's mind.

I believe God has, in the midst of my current emotional and spiritual struggles arising from the trauma of my broken right femur, opened a door of understanding in my inner being. An issue (unrelated to my current situation) which has been niggling in the background of my mind, lying all the time about the nature of God, has been exposed for what it is…a lie of the enemy. Now the fears and doubts which have been hanging on and persisting, keeping company with and emboldened by lies, are gone. Vanished and vanquished, by God’s grace and power.

Peace. It is a good way to start a new year, broken leg and all.