Sunday, May 31, 2009

I’m going home. This thought, “I’m going home, I’m going home”, made me cry the other night as I was getting into bed, tears of thankfulness to God for all his goodness to me, and now I get to “resume” my life in West Virginia.

It is funny, but I almost feel like I have 2 lives, but what it is in reality is “my life”, being lived out wherever I am. I have made friends here in the church and I will miss them. I look forward to coming back to be in ladies’ Bible study, and prayer groups, Wednesday night Bible study, and even going out for lunch with a friend or daughter-in-law, deepening these relationships. I am privileged to see and be a part of the beginnings of a prayer movement (and I am trusting it will become that!) in our church; to me this is so exciting, especially as I am convinced it is the moving of God’s spirit. I have spent time with my sons and daughters-in-law and love them dearly; I cannot express how overwhelmingly blessed I feel (and Randy does, too) at God’s goodness to us through our children. I’ve had hours to give my attention to the three amigos, my current grandchildren (soon to be 4), both in play time and ordinary living time; these are the relationships which will affect the future, so much unspoken and yet-unrealized power and potential. And then there is all God’s provision for every aspect of my life over the past 18 months. God is Sovereign, as our Pastor reminded us today, and he knows what he is doing, even when we don’t and the present hurts.

Now I am coming home…my West Virginia home. When I was back there in April I bought 2 T-shirts with “West Virginia” written on the designs. I guess I am becoming a WV Hillbilly after all! And proud of it, by golly!

I fly home Saturday June 13. I can’t wait to see Randy at the Charleston airport, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and me too, so happy to be together again. This is why I married him…to be with him. This year we do get to celebrate together our 36th year of wedded bliss (with all the ups and downs and good and bad of 2 imperfect people who love each other living together), when up until 2 days ago we didn’t expect I’d be home on time. When little things like that happen (and they are little in significance in the warp and woof of life and God’s grand scheme) I always feel like God is looking down smiling as he pulls his surprise for us from behind his back. He does give us the desires of our hearts, both little ones and big ones. He’s so kind and good.

So I only have 2 more weeks to get everything together and still make the most of every hour with my little people, my grandchildren. I have 3 doctor’s appointments this week alone, the most serious being the removal of the port-a-cath from my upper left chest wall. I will be seeing the surgeon in her office on Thursday morning at 11 am (Pacific time, folks, which being interpreted is 3 hours earlier than Eastern-style time) and I agreed to only local anesthetic. No other anesthesia (what was I thinking!). It is a little scary to me but I am asking God to help me relax…and that it won’t hurt much! But the surgeon said it is much easier to remove the port than insert it and I should be able to drive myself home afterwards. So, needless to say, I really appreciate your prayers for me! Pray it really will go quickly and smoothly (she did have some trouble when inserting it; small veins or something) with a minimum of pain and tension (!) on my part.

Last update I asked you to pray for God’s provision for all the travel I will need to do over the next few years going back and forth to CA for follow up visits with the oncologist. Please continue to ask God for that, but I wanted to share that he has already begun to answer for these needs; a friend sent me a certificate which took $200 off my first round trip booking for my next visit to CA! God has provided through friends and family over the past 18 months for other flights and in other areas of need and special gifts and we, amazed at their generosity to us (thank you guys, you and the Father know who you are!) continue to bless the name of the Lord and put our trust in him to continue to provide, through a multitude of means. God is so creative, he never fails to surprise us with the ways in which he accomplishes what he determines to do. When you seek to walk by faith in this great God you never know what to expect next! Oh, except for one thing; we can be sure he will be right there with us.

I will need your prayers for my adjustment to living back in my own home again, doing what every woman is called upon to do to run her household ( and I have a whopper of a house!). I need to be sure to pace myself and not overdo. I am more aware of giving myself permission to take it easy since my heart is not working on all cylinders (that’s for you guys reading this). When the cardiologist refers to my condition (the heart not able to pump the blood at normal rates, 30% compared to twice that percentage) as “heart failure”, yes, it does give me pause…the words “heart” and “failure” in the same phrase tends to do that to one. The oncologist is confident this will reverse itself (I had a normal echocardiogram in January of 2008 before I went into cancer surgery) and go back to normal but I do not take anything for granted. I ask you to continue to join me in beseeching our Father to heal the problems of my heart. I also have premature heart beats which need to normalize as well.

Another area for which I need your prayers…I have found it hard to concentrate and organize my thoughts. Perhaps this is something which will correct itself as I get off certain meds, I don’t know. But again, I am asking God to help me with it because there are things (hey, most of life) which I am called upon to do which call for the ability to put thoughts into an organized from to make a chain of thoughts, if you will, so I can accomplish what I need to do. Well, I’m not sure that made any sense but God knows what I mean!

One area I haven’t made much of a “dent” in is compiling my various writings into an organized form (the “O” word again, and I’m not talking about Oprah) so I can fill in the gaps and start publishing my “story” and other writings as so many have encouraged me to do. I really need your prayers for this! Thanks again. I anticipate the “flow” of strength and ability in answer to prayer.

One more prayer request, while I have your ear; you know I will take advantage of this forum to seek prayer for others! My son Jeremy, who, by the way, had a safe time in and going to and from Europe a few weeks ago, pulled muscles and ligaments in his back and is in pain and unable to walk without assistance. He went to the ER yesterday and will see his doctor this week. Please pray for his healing, with no long term effects from this injury. Pray he is able to get back to work quickly. I cannot tell you how much it means to be able to share needs with you and know prayer is going up for them. Thank you so much.

The journey continues, ever expanding in potential for ministry to others. May I grab each opportunity and make the most of it, and may the Lord be glorified through me by whatever means.

Jacque

1 comment:

Marsha said...

Oh, Jacque! I'm literally crying for joy with you! God has been so good, merciful and kind (among other thing!)to you through this whole challenge.
Thank you for walking the path publically so we could follow along, pray and also be blessed by your strength and faith.
I'm heading back to PA Friday. Mike is joining me for a few days, and then must fly back. We haven't buried my step dad's creamated remains yet. We will be doing that on Sunday.
Have a blessed time with your grandchildren. I know they will be hard to leave.
Love you, my sweet friend.